Once upon a time Rob and I each had our own cell phone. Then we realized that we were desperately poor and hopelessly in debt, so we cancelled one of our lines and joined on his parents' family plan to save money. This brought the total cell phone bill to only $20 a month.
We shared the cell phone, which confused nearly everyone. "Well, is it his phone or yours?" Two people on one phone line is, apparently, incomprehensible. I've heard, way back, entire FAMILIES shared a line. But I don't think that's even true.
What it meant, generally, was that the person who was out and about took the cell phone, minus when Rob was at work - he had a steady land line right to him. No need for a redundant cell phone.
Many things have changed since we made the decision to go down to one cell phone.
First: We have more money. This is nice. The bulk of our debt should be paid off by summer. (!!!!!)
Second: Other people dropped off Rob's parents' plan, making room for another cheap cell phone line.
Third: We both go out and about much more often.
Fourth: I hang out in the Deaf community.
The First reason means that we can make different decisions with our money. Funny how having money allows one to, you know, DO SOMETHING with that money. But the really important point is the Fourth.
In 2010 we added texting so that I could easily communicate with my Deaf friends.
In 2011 I started going to Deaf events. The Deaf community is a whole new world. Main thing you need to know for this story: If there is an event that starts at 6pm or so, there WILL be a group that hangs out until midnight or later. They'll find another restaurant that stays open late, whatever. And IF there is a group that hangs out until midnight, I will ALWAYS choose to stay.
This has caused conflict at home. Rob worries about me being out late, even though he knows I'm not alone or doing anything stupid. And even though we've figured out that I will always stay late if that's an option, here's the thing that makes it a problem: I won't call Rob until an hour or so after he expected me home in the first place. It just isn't going to happen.
Yesterday was discussion / fight # 3 or 4 about this exact problem. I thought we'd resolved it. Obviously we hadn't. I was frustrated with him. He was frustrated with me. I told him I was out of compromises.
And then it hit me! A brilliant solution: Get a second cell phone. While I will never make that phone call, I would send a text. Also, he could send ME a text if he was wondering what was going on. And I'd look at the text, whereas I'd never check a message on voicemail.
We bought another cell phone a few minutes later. And we upgraded the old one as well - since it was a 4-year-old basic flip phone (the kids now have 2 ancient cell phones for toys - they think it's great. They take pictures!). So now we both have our own lines and unlimited texting. Hurray for conflict resolution!
This should be a Mastercard commercial, right? Phone purchase: So much. New phone line: So much. Hanging out with my Deaf friends WITHOUT causing headaches at home? Priceless.
(A few boring questions answered:
The cell phone number you have for us is now Tamra's number.
If you need / want Rob's new number, e-mail me or him and ask for it.
No, they aren't smart phones. By choice.)
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
I Must Be Feeling Chatty
Things I've wanted to share:
Teancom Gets Angry
He and I get to hang out in the mornings, which I like. It's fun to have the one-on-one time with him, especially now that he DOES stuff. He plays pretend and talks and plays with toys and such (all normal stuff, I know, but historically this has not been normal Tank). We have a good time together.
But one of my favorite things about Teancom is how mellow he is. For example, the other day he asked me for something to eat. (I require my children be very specific in what they ask for, or else they don't get anything. It's a carry over from the early days with Miciah, when she was typically a bossy tyrant. Actually, there's a whole post on Tyrant Miciah waiting to happen.) He selected what he wanted and I said, "Okay, I'll get it in just a minute." I don't know how much time went by, but it wasn't a short amount of time. 20 minutes, maybe, all told. Teancom had asked again, and I'd put him off again. Finally he came and stood beside me and in a completely calm tone said, "Mom, I'm starting to get angry."
After dealing with Miciah, who exploded instantly, it's so nice to deal with a patient child. One who can stand beside me without any attitude and talk calmly about his slightly escalating anger. ... Also, let's be honest, I have typically not been a patient person in my life, so to me Tank is one of those shake-my-head-whilst-wondering-how-he-does-it type of people. I'm not sure how he came from my gene pool. Clearly he got the other 50% of the available pickings.
Sewing
I know, I know, I don't sew. But it's not that I can't sew, it's just that I don't. Little known fact, though: I like to hand sew stuff. I'm not even lying. However, I still don't do much of that, either. In the trade-off that is decisions about time, I can usually think of 12 other things I'd rather be doing.
But lately I've been on a roll. For FHE this week we made rice bags for Rob and the kids, so that now everyone has one. This is a simple enough project, and the kids liked pouring the rice and adding the cinnamon. This project was right down my alley: It doesn't have to look that nice, it can be done in a very short amount of time, it's practical and nearly free. Thought you all might like to see some of the end results of the projecting that's happened around here lately, so here they are:
They are Rob's, then Miciah's on the top, and Tank's and Elijah's on the bottom. Rob's is made out of an old flannel shirt that I hated but that his mother gave him, Miciah's still needs her name embroidered on the white part (I just remembered). Tank's is adorable. After he made it I whispered in his ear, "Yours is the prettiest." He said, "I think so, too." So cute. And finally, there's Elijah's. This is the back:
He intentionally chose a light-colored fabric for his rice bag so that he could decorate it. And thence we found out that Elijah has a girlfriend.
Last weekend I spent my time putting a Tamra touch on this bag:
I thought about doing a fake tutorial on the bag. As if it isn't absolutely obvious what I did, or how you would do it if you wanted to. But I decided the tutorial was one of those Funny In Your Head things, but not really Funny to Follow-Through On. Like when my friend Molly said, "I wanted to punch that girl," and I said, "Next time you really should punch her!" and she said, "I will!" That's Funny in Our Heads, but not Funny to Follow-Through On. If Molly later reported that she'd actually punched that woman, I'd be horrified. Really, what we'd just said to each other is, "That's a funny thought," and "I agree. That's why I said it."
My favorite patch, one of the only non-soccer patches:
It looks so official on the army green bag, no? I have 4 of those patches and Miciah thought it was pretty cool that I got them from the President of the United States.
This is the soccer team I actually played for:
It's on the back of the bag, where hopefully no one sees it, to symbolize how much I loved that team. Still have the ... best, best, best feelings for it and for that time period in my life. (I'll tell you about it later, if you want. I do reference it in this blog post.)
Short information on the patches: When I played select soccer it was cool for a while to exchange team patches with the other teams while in a tournament. Also, the tournament holders typically doled out an official patch for the tournament itself. I remember girls who would put these patches on their team bag, but that seemed lame to me. I'm finally old enough that it's just fun to have them on my new school bag. Plus, these patches are from when I was 10 - 13 years old, and that kinda cracks me up. I gave the kids the extra patches that wouldn't fit on the bag. They were thrilled.
And other than that I've been mending clothes. We initiated a Fix It Day a few months back. It's when Rob and I dedicate an entire Saturday to fixing things that we've had on our To Fix list for ages. It was a hit and the kids loved bringing things to us and then walking away with a fixed item. ... Good parents just fix their kids' things on a regular basis, I think. But our kids get excited about Fix It Day. We're awesome like that. ... Anyway, here are Tank's pants that I "mended":
I say "mended" in quotes, cause it's a terrible job and we all know it. Even if you don't sew, you will see the non-professional quality. However, I call it a success. Tank loves them. The pants are going to be torn to shreds anyway, but now he gets a few more months with them, and that might be all he needs anyway. Kids grow fast.
Also, I really, really like the non-professionally sewn look. It goes along with my love for sewing by hand. If it were time-effective to hand sew clothes, I would. And I don't want the clothes to then look like they were done well. I want them to look like they were pieced together from old blankets or towels or whatever, and put together somewhat haphazardly. Tamra's fashion secret now explained: I dislike clothes altogether. This should explain literally all of my fashion / clothes choices.
Rob
While I don't care for clothes on or for myself, I LOVE seeing Rob in nice clothes (since no clothes isn't an option for public eyes). Rob has lost some weight recently and a lot of the clothes he owned were tents (re-worked clothes for Tamra from old tents! Great idea!). We spent some time and money and bought him some clothes that fit him and damn, he looks nice. I LIKE it.
When you see Rob next you should notice how nice he's looking these days. I don't mean in the "damn, he looks nice" sort of way. I mean in the "he's worked hard, and it's nice for people to notice when you've made positive changes in your life that were also difficult for you" sort of way.
ASL
I NAILED my ASL homework yesterday and it made me feel like a super star. I really enjoy the presentation aspects of ASL, and the homework was more story telling than not. It was awesome!
A Solution to a Problem
Miciah's room downstairs has slowly become more and more her room instead of a workshop/craft room. Fortunately, she loves the huge amounts of counter space and craft storage. Recently I asked her if she wanted us to gut the room and do it all over. It would give her a lot more floor space. She looked at us like she was pained. So her room stays how it is.
However, for months and months I've been trying to figure out a way to get Miciah some space to hang up her clothes. Not a big deal, I know, but there comes an age when sharing a closet with your younger brothers isn't as cool as it used to be. And finally I found this:
I don't know why I'd never thought of a wardrobe before. It's a great solution.
She loves it and the boys now have a second dresser in their closet. Adequate clothes space for everyone. Hurray!
The End
Teancom Gets Angry
He and I get to hang out in the mornings, which I like. It's fun to have the one-on-one time with him, especially now that he DOES stuff. He plays pretend and talks and plays with toys and such (all normal stuff, I know, but historically this has not been normal Tank). We have a good time together.
But one of my favorite things about Teancom is how mellow he is. For example, the other day he asked me for something to eat. (I require my children be very specific in what they ask for, or else they don't get anything. It's a carry over from the early days with Miciah, when she was typically a bossy tyrant. Actually, there's a whole post on Tyrant Miciah waiting to happen.) He selected what he wanted and I said, "Okay, I'll get it in just a minute." I don't know how much time went by, but it wasn't a short amount of time. 20 minutes, maybe, all told. Teancom had asked again, and I'd put him off again. Finally he came and stood beside me and in a completely calm tone said, "Mom, I'm starting to get angry."
After dealing with Miciah, who exploded instantly, it's so nice to deal with a patient child. One who can stand beside me without any attitude and talk calmly about his slightly escalating anger. ... Also, let's be honest, I have typically not been a patient person in my life, so to me Tank is one of those shake-my-head-whilst-wondering-how-he-does-it type of people. I'm not sure how he came from my gene pool. Clearly he got the other 50% of the available pickings.
Sewing
I know, I know, I don't sew. But it's not that I can't sew, it's just that I don't. Little known fact, though: I like to hand sew stuff. I'm not even lying. However, I still don't do much of that, either. In the trade-off that is decisions about time, I can usually think of 12 other things I'd rather be doing.
But lately I've been on a roll. For FHE this week we made rice bags for Rob and the kids, so that now everyone has one. This is a simple enough project, and the kids liked pouring the rice and adding the cinnamon. This project was right down my alley: It doesn't have to look that nice, it can be done in a very short amount of time, it's practical and nearly free. Thought you all might like to see some of the end results of the projecting that's happened around here lately, so here they are:
They are Rob's, then Miciah's on the top, and Tank's and Elijah's on the bottom. Rob's is made out of an old flannel shirt that I hated but that his mother gave him, Miciah's still needs her name embroidered on the white part (I just remembered). Tank's is adorable. After he made it I whispered in his ear, "Yours is the prettiest." He said, "I think so, too." So cute. And finally, there's Elijah's. This is the back:
He intentionally chose a light-colored fabric for his rice bag so that he could decorate it. And thence we found out that Elijah has a girlfriend.
Last weekend I spent my time putting a Tamra touch on this bag:
I thought about doing a fake tutorial on the bag. As if it isn't absolutely obvious what I did, or how you would do it if you wanted to. But I decided the tutorial was one of those Funny In Your Head things, but not really Funny to Follow-Through On. Like when my friend Molly said, "I wanted to punch that girl," and I said, "Next time you really should punch her!" and she said, "I will!" That's Funny in Our Heads, but not Funny to Follow-Through On. If Molly later reported that she'd actually punched that woman, I'd be horrified. Really, what we'd just said to each other is, "That's a funny thought," and "I agree. That's why I said it."
My favorite patch, one of the only non-soccer patches:
It looks so official on the army green bag, no? I have 4 of those patches and Miciah thought it was pretty cool that I got them from the President of the United States.
This is the soccer team I actually played for:
It's on the back of the bag, where hopefully no one sees it, to symbolize how much I loved that team. Still have the ... best, best, best feelings for it and for that time period in my life. (I'll tell you about it later, if you want. I do reference it in this blog post.)
Short information on the patches: When I played select soccer it was cool for a while to exchange team patches with the other teams while in a tournament. Also, the tournament holders typically doled out an official patch for the tournament itself. I remember girls who would put these patches on their team bag, but that seemed lame to me. I'm finally old enough that it's just fun to have them on my new school bag. Plus, these patches are from when I was 10 - 13 years old, and that kinda cracks me up. I gave the kids the extra patches that wouldn't fit on the bag. They were thrilled.
And other than that I've been mending clothes. We initiated a Fix It Day a few months back. It's when Rob and I dedicate an entire Saturday to fixing things that we've had on our To Fix list for ages. It was a hit and the kids loved bringing things to us and then walking away with a fixed item. ... Good parents just fix their kids' things on a regular basis, I think. But our kids get excited about Fix It Day. We're awesome like that. ... Anyway, here are Tank's pants that I "mended":
I say "mended" in quotes, cause it's a terrible job and we all know it. Even if you don't sew, you will see the non-professional quality. However, I call it a success. Tank loves them. The pants are going to be torn to shreds anyway, but now he gets a few more months with them, and that might be all he needs anyway. Kids grow fast.
Also, I really, really like the non-professionally sewn look. It goes along with my love for sewing by hand. If it were time-effective to hand sew clothes, I would. And I don't want the clothes to then look like they were done well. I want them to look like they were pieced together from old blankets or towels or whatever, and put together somewhat haphazardly. Tamra's fashion secret now explained: I dislike clothes altogether. This should explain literally all of my fashion / clothes choices.
Rob
While I don't care for clothes on or for myself, I LOVE seeing Rob in nice clothes (since no clothes isn't an option for public eyes). Rob has lost some weight recently and a lot of the clothes he owned were tents (re-worked clothes for Tamra from old tents! Great idea!). We spent some time and money and bought him some clothes that fit him and damn, he looks nice. I LIKE it.
When you see Rob next you should notice how nice he's looking these days. I don't mean in the "damn, he looks nice" sort of way. I mean in the "he's worked hard, and it's nice for people to notice when you've made positive changes in your life that were also difficult for you" sort of way.
ASL
I NAILED my ASL homework yesterday and it made me feel like a super star. I really enjoy the presentation aspects of ASL, and the homework was more story telling than not. It was awesome!
A Solution to a Problem
Miciah's room downstairs has slowly become more and more her room instead of a workshop/craft room. Fortunately, she loves the huge amounts of counter space and craft storage. Recently I asked her if she wanted us to gut the room and do it all over. It would give her a lot more floor space. She looked at us like she was pained. So her room stays how it is.
However, for months and months I've been trying to figure out a way to get Miciah some space to hang up her clothes. Not a big deal, I know, but there comes an age when sharing a closet with your younger brothers isn't as cool as it used to be. And finally I found this:
I don't know why I'd never thought of a wardrobe before. It's a great solution.
She loves it and the boys now have a second dresser in their closet. Adequate clothes space for everyone. Hurray!
The End
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
A Bee C ...
Well, it finally feels okay to be back in the old schedule again - took a few weeks. Christmas break was SOOO nice. Being together as a family every day, all day. But, of course, it was just a tease. Real life beckons!
The Story of the Spelling Bee
(The story's a little long, but I want to remember it when I look back. It was a good moment.)
Apparently Miciah told me that she wanted to tell people about her amazing Spelling Bee performance, and I promptly forgot and announced it on Facebook. She wasn't happy with me. Still, now that she's written about it on her blog, I feel safe sharing my version of the story.
Last month Miciah told us that she was one of the top 10 spellers in 4th grade and would be participating in the school Spelling Bee. Fine, I thought. Rob did well in Spelling Bees when he was a kid, but I routinely bombed them and subsequently hate all things Spelling Bee related.
Last week Miciah informed me that the Spelling Bee was the next day and that I could come if I wanted. I didn't want to (see previous paragraph), but she obviously wanted me there, even though she didn't out and out say that. She was nervous, she said. Rob and I both told her that she shouldn't be, cause being one of the top 20 spellers in all of 4th and 5th grade was pretty cool, and really, by comparison, she'd already "won."
Still, she said that she didn't want to win, cause winners go on to more contests, I guess. So, being the good Mom I am, I said, "So spell a word wrong on purpose." She just ignored that suggestion (being a reformed competitor, I know full well that it's nearly impossible to perform badly on purpose) and said, "But I don't want to lose in front of all my friends, either." I assured her that she would NOT flub it in front of the whole school.
When I showed up, she was sitting on the stage looking SO nervous. Like deer-in-headlights nervous. I smiled at her and she attempted to smile back. I finally resorted to making faces at her and she laughed that pent-up-nervous laugh that people do. And then the Spelling Bee started.
She was near the front of the line, and one by one she'd spell a word right and her classmates would fall away. She got down to the top 10 and I thought, "Okay. She can lose now." Then it was the top 5 and then the top 3 and then I was super nervous for her. "She doesn't want to win!" I thought to myself. "Miciah, you need to lose now!"
And then it got tense. One of the 5th grade boys very confidently spelled a word and the audience gasped when the principal said that he had spelled it wrong. It was down to the last 2 people, and the two of them just circled around each other for a few rounds, correctly spelling out words, with the audience holding their breath each time. And then, there it was: "Elegant." Miciah spelled "egelant." The pressure finally got to her. The 5th grade boy who won spelled the next 2 words right, was declared the winner, and that was that!
After it was over, she ran into my arms and hugged me tight and bawled. I got a little teary, too. I told her that I was proud of her and that she'd done so well. I told her that she should be proud of herself, too. I knew, though, that she wasn't crying because she was happy or sad about her performance. She was crying because it had been a hard thing to do. And then I was grateful that she got 2nd place instead of 1st place. It really was the perfect ending to her 4th grade Spelling Bee experience.
And, on a Mom note, I'm SO glad that I went to the Spelling Bee. That kind of mom moment only comes along once in a blue moon and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I know I try to keep this blog pretty sap-free, but I LOVE being a Mom. I love my kids. Nothing compares.
Otherwise
Otherwise things are pretty great right now! We're back to the same old stressful schedule, but I made a goal to not be as stressed out about it this term, and that's worked pretty well. Also, there isn't nearly as much reading this term (I'm actually reading a Wodehouse book right now. DURING the term!), and Thanksgiving and Christmas break were awesome. So this term has been great for me, even though I think it's still just as stressful for Rob. One of us being stressed, though, is SO much easier than both of us being stressed.
- Rob continues to get rave reviews from his NKU students. They adore him, which is nice, cause he adores teaching. NKU finally raised his pay to the highest you can get for an adjunct, which is awesome, because I've felt like he's deserved that pay level for the last year or so. Better late than never!
- We've been able to maintain a pretty great perspective on life lately. I know that some people think I maintain this amazing life perspective on a regular basis, but the reality is that it comes and goes. Lately it's been steady, and it seems to be getting steadier over time. I like this a LOT, and it makes everything else work so much better.
- Rob and I both have dropped our extra sports at night because of my crazy school schedule and his already busy teaching schedule. This is a bummer. BUT, it's worth it. We have family time, we see the kids, we have relatively stress-free time together. Genius! ... Also, we're trying to find things that the kids can do during the summer so that they're not totally left out of the Doings while I'm in school. If anyone has any great ideas, let us know!
- I got glasses. I know, this isn't a big deal, and I've talked about it before, but honestly it's changed my life. I didn't realize how many headaches I was getting, but not having them now is HUGE. I am more patient with the kids. I'm a better mom. I'm a better wife. I'm just a better person. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my glasses.
- I've been "reading" the Book of Mormon in sign language, which is pretty much awesome. Sometimes I have to stop the video and look at what the words on the page are. Sometimes this is for comprehension, and sometimes it's just to see how they interpreted things. It's been a great experience.
- The kids are playing SO well together. I feel like these are the Happy Days that a family will talk about years down the road. It's really cool to see.
- And lastly, I am still loving school and ASL. School is an adventure, and I love adventures! It's great to now have friends in the deaf community and to be able to say pretty much anything that I want to in sign language. My dreams at night are in sign language about 50% of the time, and they're not the nightmares that I used to have, where I'd forget some basic sign like "friend."
A lot of my friends in the deaf community aren't married and don't have kids. They look at me like I'm crazy when I talk about my family. (There are a lot of events that happen late at night in bars, and I've decided to not attend those - often other people blame my family for this, "Oh, that's right. You have a family," when really I just don't want to hang out in bars because I don't drink.) I tell them that it's great to have kids, and that I love spending time with them, etc. And they kind of roll their eyes. And I want to say, "No. REALLY. You're missing out." My signing time is my play time, but my family is my life. They're what it's all about.
And that's as sappy as it gets around here. Hope everyone is enjoying their January! (Except you folks in Alaska. You're exempt from liking January.)
The Story of the Spelling Bee
(The story's a little long, but I want to remember it when I look back. It was a good moment.)
Apparently Miciah told me that she wanted to tell people about her amazing Spelling Bee performance, and I promptly forgot and announced it on Facebook. She wasn't happy with me. Still, now that she's written about it on her blog, I feel safe sharing my version of the story.
Last month Miciah told us that she was one of the top 10 spellers in 4th grade and would be participating in the school Spelling Bee. Fine, I thought. Rob did well in Spelling Bees when he was a kid, but I routinely bombed them and subsequently hate all things Spelling Bee related.
Last week Miciah informed me that the Spelling Bee was the next day and that I could come if I wanted. I didn't want to (see previous paragraph), but she obviously wanted me there, even though she didn't out and out say that. She was nervous, she said. Rob and I both told her that she shouldn't be, cause being one of the top 20 spellers in all of 4th and 5th grade was pretty cool, and really, by comparison, she'd already "won."
Still, she said that she didn't want to win, cause winners go on to more contests, I guess. So, being the good Mom I am, I said, "So spell a word wrong on purpose." She just ignored that suggestion (being a reformed competitor, I know full well that it's nearly impossible to perform badly on purpose) and said, "But I don't want to lose in front of all my friends, either." I assured her that she would NOT flub it in front of the whole school.
When I showed up, she was sitting on the stage looking SO nervous. Like deer-in-headlights nervous. I smiled at her and she attempted to smile back. I finally resorted to making faces at her and she laughed that pent-up-nervous laugh that people do. And then the Spelling Bee started.
She was near the front of the line, and one by one she'd spell a word right and her classmates would fall away. She got down to the top 10 and I thought, "Okay. She can lose now." Then it was the top 5 and then the top 3 and then I was super nervous for her. "She doesn't want to win!" I thought to myself. "Miciah, you need to lose now!"
And then it got tense. One of the 5th grade boys very confidently spelled a word and the audience gasped when the principal said that he had spelled it wrong. It was down to the last 2 people, and the two of them just circled around each other for a few rounds, correctly spelling out words, with the audience holding their breath each time. And then, there it was: "Elegant." Miciah spelled "egelant." The pressure finally got to her. The 5th grade boy who won spelled the next 2 words right, was declared the winner, and that was that!
After it was over, she ran into my arms and hugged me tight and bawled. I got a little teary, too. I told her that I was proud of her and that she'd done so well. I told her that she should be proud of herself, too. I knew, though, that she wasn't crying because she was happy or sad about her performance. She was crying because it had been a hard thing to do. And then I was grateful that she got 2nd place instead of 1st place. It really was the perfect ending to her 4th grade Spelling Bee experience.
 |
| A little creepy, no? A studious bee? It's just wrong. |
And, on a Mom note, I'm SO glad that I went to the Spelling Bee. That kind of mom moment only comes along once in a blue moon and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I know I try to keep this blog pretty sap-free, but I LOVE being a Mom. I love my kids. Nothing compares.
Otherwise
Otherwise things are pretty great right now! We're back to the same old stressful schedule, but I made a goal to not be as stressed out about it this term, and that's worked pretty well. Also, there isn't nearly as much reading this term (I'm actually reading a Wodehouse book right now. DURING the term!), and Thanksgiving and Christmas break were awesome. So this term has been great for me, even though I think it's still just as stressful for Rob. One of us being stressed, though, is SO much easier than both of us being stressed.
- Rob continues to get rave reviews from his NKU students. They adore him, which is nice, cause he adores teaching. NKU finally raised his pay to the highest you can get for an adjunct, which is awesome, because I've felt like he's deserved that pay level for the last year or so. Better late than never!
- We've been able to maintain a pretty great perspective on life lately. I know that some people think I maintain this amazing life perspective on a regular basis, but the reality is that it comes and goes. Lately it's been steady, and it seems to be getting steadier over time. I like this a LOT, and it makes everything else work so much better.
- Rob and I both have dropped our extra sports at night because of my crazy school schedule and his already busy teaching schedule. This is a bummer. BUT, it's worth it. We have family time, we see the kids, we have relatively stress-free time together. Genius! ... Also, we're trying to find things that the kids can do during the summer so that they're not totally left out of the Doings while I'm in school. If anyone has any great ideas, let us know!
- I got glasses. I know, this isn't a big deal, and I've talked about it before, but honestly it's changed my life. I didn't realize how many headaches I was getting, but not having them now is HUGE. I am more patient with the kids. I'm a better mom. I'm a better wife. I'm just a better person. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my glasses.
- I've been "reading" the Book of Mormon in sign language, which is pretty much awesome. Sometimes I have to stop the video and look at what the words on the page are. Sometimes this is for comprehension, and sometimes it's just to see how they interpreted things. It's been a great experience.
- The kids are playing SO well together. I feel like these are the Happy Days that a family will talk about years down the road. It's really cool to see.
- And lastly, I am still loving school and ASL. School is an adventure, and I love adventures! It's great to now have friends in the deaf community and to be able to say pretty much anything that I want to in sign language. My dreams at night are in sign language about 50% of the time, and they're not the nightmares that I used to have, where I'd forget some basic sign like "friend."
A lot of my friends in the deaf community aren't married and don't have kids. They look at me like I'm crazy when I talk about my family. (There are a lot of events that happen late at night in bars, and I've decided to not attend those - often other people blame my family for this, "Oh, that's right. You have a family," when really I just don't want to hang out in bars because I don't drink.) I tell them that it's great to have kids, and that I love spending time with them, etc. And they kind of roll their eyes. And I want to say, "No. REALLY. You're missing out." My signing time is my play time, but my family is my life. They're what it's all about.
And that's as sappy as it gets around here. Hope everyone is enjoying their January! (Except you folks in Alaska. You're exempt from liking January.)
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
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| My family, 1992 back row: Ruben, Budge, Dad middle row: Lori, Collin, me, Mom front row: Keith, Chad, and Justin |
Recently someone that Rob home teaches lost his step son. Rob gave consoling words, but was acutely aware that he's never been through a similar experience - Rob has never lost anyone close to him. So Rob offered for this man and his wife to talk to me or my mom, if they wished. I doubt they'll ever do so, but of course I'd be willing to talk.
Death is something I think about quite often, actually. And not because I'm worried about it, or obsessed with it. But because I know that life is fragile. People die young sometimes. Or people die when they're old, and those of us left behind STILL aren't ready for it. I'm not sure there's a good way to be ready, no matter what you do, no matter how much you "prepare".
When I was in the heavy duty stages of mourning my brother's death, I was very young, and those whom I was talking to were also very young. So it isn't shocking that I heard some pretty terrible things from people. If you're wondering what isn't comforting, here's a short list:
1. I don't see why you're not over it yet. It happened two years ago.
2. I know how you feel.
3. You'll see him again. Doesn't that make it better?
1. Don't assume anyone should "be over it" already. The hard part about death is that you don't stop loving that person. If we stopped loving someone when they left this life, death would be SO easy. Once I asked my mom when she stopped missing her own mother who died in the 80's. With tears she said, "I still miss her." Of course.
2. No one really knows how you feel, even if they've been in similar circumstances. I often say the phrase "I know how you feel," or "I can relate," but I NEVER do so when it comes to death. Death is so complicated and painful and deep. My experience isn't someone else's. And it didn't help me at all when other people said, "I know what you're going through." I wanted to say, "Like HELL you do."
3. Yes, the Gospel message is amazing and wonderful. Yes, it is comforting to know that my brother is not gone and lost. Seeing him again is going to be one of the best moments I've ever experienced. But assuming that the message of the Gospel will take away all the pain of death is insulting. Don't assume that because someone is missing a person who died that they don't have a good enough understanding of the Gospel. The person who makes a statement like this OBVIOUSLY hasn't experienced the death of someone close to them.
Here's what DOES help:
1 - Hugs
2 - "I love you."
3 - Being genuine.
... I was hopeful, once upon a time, that experiencing the death of my brother at a relatively young age would make death easier to deal with down the road. I've been there, done that! But I've come close to deciding that it makes each new death that much harder. It reminds me all over again of his death, and all the years of pain, and the young girl so bewildered by it all.
However, it makes other people's losses more real. When I found out about the death of the Home Teachee's step son, for instance, tears immediately started forming in my eyes. The pain I personally went through was real and it lasted a long time, and it was really, really hard. I wish that kind of experience on no one. Finding peace again isn't easy.
For some reason that's all been on my mind lately. So I thought I'd talk about it a little. I don't talk much about my brother's death - what is there to say? - but I do think about him. And sometimes I still cry. Sometimes there are moments, beautiful moments. And I keep them in my heart, and I usually don't share them because they are mine.
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| 1987 - the matching clothes! |
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Dear January,
While I have personally deeply enjoyed the mild weather and unseasonal 50 and 60 degree days, I must now put aside my personal feelings and plead the case of my plant children.
Today I took advantage of the 60 degree amazingness and went out and winterized my roses. We're behind on this, but only sort of: There hasn't really been any Winter yet. ... My roses were FULL of new purple growth. New growth! In January! ... I realized that my attempt at rose winterization was more of a desperate plea: Go dormant! Go dormant!
While it is some consolation to me that I haven't needed my Ultra Winter coat most days, and that The Old Man hasn't needed as much convincing to make it past the end of the street, I am quite concerned about my plant children. My crocuses and a few other bulbs are coming up, which probably means that they won't bloom now OR in March. My forsythia has been blooming off and on, in a pathetic sort of manner, since November. While this makes me sad, because I know that we'll probably miss a large chunk of the spring blooms, I'm not writing this letter because I'm sad. I'm writing this letter because I'm worried. Off seasons like this have been known to kill off even the hardiest and beautiful-est of plants.
I'm trying to be nice about this, but there's no nice way to say it: If you kill off my plant children, I will never forgive you. Ever. As our relationship is already iffy, I would like to avoid hating you until the day I die. I was just starting to figure you out and enjoy you for what you are - don't screw it up now!
However, I'm not sure there's much to be done about it at this point. What's done is done. Just please, be as kind as possible to my plants, and put in a good word when you talk to February.
Thanks.
Tamra
Today I took advantage of the 60 degree amazingness and went out and winterized my roses. We're behind on this, but only sort of: There hasn't really been any Winter yet. ... My roses were FULL of new purple growth. New growth! In January! ... I realized that my attempt at rose winterization was more of a desperate plea: Go dormant! Go dormant!
While it is some consolation to me that I haven't needed my Ultra Winter coat most days, and that The Old Man hasn't needed as much convincing to make it past the end of the street, I am quite concerned about my plant children. My crocuses and a few other bulbs are coming up, which probably means that they won't bloom now OR in March. My forsythia has been blooming off and on, in a pathetic sort of manner, since November. While this makes me sad, because I know that we'll probably miss a large chunk of the spring blooms, I'm not writing this letter because I'm sad. I'm writing this letter because I'm worried. Off seasons like this have been known to kill off even the hardiest and beautiful-est of plants.
I'm trying to be nice about this, but there's no nice way to say it: If you kill off my plant children, I will never forgive you. Ever. As our relationship is already iffy, I would like to avoid hating you until the day I die. I was just starting to figure you out and enjoy you for what you are - don't screw it up now!
However, I'm not sure there's much to be done about it at this point. What's done is done. Just please, be as kind as possible to my plants, and put in a good word when you talk to February.
Thanks.
Tamra
Monday, January 2, 2012
The Long Break Ends
Christmas break was amazing! Here are 12 highlights:
1 - My parents were in town for 2 weeks.
SUPER fun. They are invited back every year. (They say they might rotate through my siblings. That means they'll only make it back here every 7th Christmas. I have too many siblings!) Honestly, they were the best Christmas visitors ever. They brought with them no expectations or demands, only love and help. My parents are amazing.
They also took us to Costco and bought us a ton of food. They didn't have to do that, and we didn't "need" it, but it was super, super appreciated. Every time I go downstairs to our food storage room, I feel so much gratitude - it's filled to the brim.
2 - Rob and I celebrated our 11th anniversary.
Fun story about this. Rob and I decided to get a fancy hotel room this time. We haven't done that for several years, preferring to stay home and ship the kids out. This was a financial move as well as a we-don't-really-like-bed-bugs move. But the bed bug scare has died down, and my parents were at our house, too, so a hotel it was. We brought in dinner so we could spend more on the room we really wanted, and when we got there I knew we'd made the right call. The room was perfect! Rob had everything planned out, and for a man who plans nothing, I was blown away. We enjoyed the room for 2 hours and then there it was: a bed bug crawling across the sheets.
So! We captured it in a plastic bag, packed up all our stuff, went to the front desk and got our money back, and then went out to dinner and a movie before heading home. I figure this was a win all the way around. The hotel room was gorgeous AND FREE, we got dinner and a movie, and we slept in our own comfortable bed.
But it may be a while yet before we check into another Cincinnati hotel.
3 - A Special Gift.
One of the best Christmas gifts I received was from one of my teachers. He gave us the week off before Christmas, and Quizzes 1 and 2 and the Midterm were on-line that week. Originally those tests were scheduled for Monday and Tuesday, but he sent out an e-mail the day before they were to open and announced that he was extending the deadline. I glanced at the new dates and times and felt relieved because our week was pretty busy (that was the week of our anniversary, among other things).
Anyways, I went to another class on Thursday night and while I was sitting there, I thought, "Oh, I need to remember to take those tests." I got home, chatted with my parents, and then right before I went to bed around midnight, I checked on-line to remind myself about the Friday night 11 p.m. deadline. Turns out I was wrong. The deadline wasn't Friday at 11 p.m. It was THURSDAY at 11 p.m. ... Yeah. ... I had just missed out on 200 points. There are only 1,000 for the whole class, and it's a 7-point grading scale, so that's an automatic C, even if I were to get 100% on everything else.
Needless to say, I didn't fall asleep easily that night. I had sent an e-mail to my teacher asking if I could still take the quizzes and midterm. And the gift: He let me! So Christmas Eve I took the tests (the whole thing took me just under 20 minutes), and then I sent an e-mail to my teacher saying Merry Christmas and Thank you SO MUCH!
4 - Rob and his Copter
I bought Rob a remote-controlled helicopter for Christmas. I bought it months ago and didn't tell him what it was. They aren't that expensive, but they're really, really fun.
Anyways, 2 fun stories connected to this. First, when Rob opened it he said, "That's the gift I really wanted." He said he didn't tell me because he "knew" I hadn't gotten him one, and he didn't want to make me feel bad for purchasing something else. How many times is that going to happen, eh? Buying the perfect gift without even knowing it.
Second fun story: Rob broke his helicopter on Christmas day. Yep. He flew it and flew it and flew it and then he came upstairs and said, "It broke." This is the story Rob told about how the helicopter broke. "I was letting Teancom fly it. I don't blame it on Teancom, though. He was flying it and it landed really hard." I was surprised that this had broken his copter, since I'd seen Rob fly it, and he wasn't gentle with it. About 5 minutes later Rob said, "It tipped over when it landed and I tried to fly it while it was laying on its side." I looked at him like he was stupid and said, "Why did you do that?" And with the tone of a guilty 7-year-old boy, he said, "I wanted to see what would happen." Uh huh.
I had anticipated the copter breaking eventually, so I had already purchased a replacement part set of commonly broken parts. But the part that broke wasn't in that bag. Turns out that most people think that flying the copter on its side is a bad idea.
The replacement part is on its way, though, along with a second copter. He says that way we can both fly one. For $25, why not.
5 - K'Nex building sets. Fun, fun, fun.
We now have this set and this set and this set and a few other sets. We love them. (Check out that first link and watch the video. Awesome double roller coaster.)
6 - Showing up to church on Christmas morning in my new bath robe.
A member of the Bishopric dared me to wear my bath robe to church on Christmas morning. Rob said, "That's not even a dare for Tamra." I got lots of compliments on it. And the Bishopric member looked me over and said, "Tamra, you're one in a million. ... Thank goodness."
He says he's going to come up with a really good dare. I said, "I do have limits," to which Rob added, "But not many."
7 - Getting together with friends and family.
8 - Putting together a jigsaw puzzle with my Mom on Christmas day. My dad helped, too! (That never happens. Turns out we make a pretty good team and he is now hired for all our future puzzle-making ventures.)
9 - Uninterrupted time with my Father.
Normally we get weeks with my mother and a day or two with my father, but this time he stayed for more than a week. It was great to chat with him and go places with him and just generally have more time with him.
10 - General Christmas Magic, including:
- Krohn's Conservatory (my mom has the pictures. I forgot to steal them from her before she left).
- Seeing the kids SO EXCITED for Christmas.
- Telling Elijah the truth about Santa Claus.
- Christmas morning.
- Watching the kids play so well together - they're at such fantastic ages!
11 - "And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost."
And that obscure reference is all I'm going to say about that.
And last but certainly not least:
12 - It's now 2012!
Whew! I'm excited to stop writing 2011. That was such an ugly year to write. 2012 is much prettier.
Though, having said that, 2011 was a fantastic year for our family. I don't feel like a lot has "happened," but we've been happier than ever, and that's huge. Thank you, 2011. I look forward to an even better 2012!
1 - My parents were in town for 2 weeks.
SUPER fun. They are invited back every year. (They say they might rotate through my siblings. That means they'll only make it back here every 7th Christmas. I have too many siblings!) Honestly, they were the best Christmas visitors ever. They brought with them no expectations or demands, only love and help. My parents are amazing.
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| The morning my Mom arrived. |
2 - Rob and I celebrated our 11th anniversary.
Fun story about this. Rob and I decided to get a fancy hotel room this time. We haven't done that for several years, preferring to stay home and ship the kids out. This was a financial move as well as a we-don't-really-like-bed-bugs move. But the bed bug scare has died down, and my parents were at our house, too, so a hotel it was. We brought in dinner so we could spend more on the room we really wanted, and when we got there I knew we'd made the right call. The room was perfect! Rob had everything planned out, and for a man who plans nothing, I was blown away. We enjoyed the room for 2 hours and then there it was: a bed bug crawling across the sheets.
So! We captured it in a plastic bag, packed up all our stuff, went to the front desk and got our money back, and then went out to dinner and a movie before heading home. I figure this was a win all the way around. The hotel room was gorgeous AND FREE, we got dinner and a movie, and we slept in our own comfortable bed.
But it may be a while yet before we check into another Cincinnati hotel.
3 - A Special Gift.
One of the best Christmas gifts I received was from one of my teachers. He gave us the week off before Christmas, and Quizzes 1 and 2 and the Midterm were on-line that week. Originally those tests were scheduled for Monday and Tuesday, but he sent out an e-mail the day before they were to open and announced that he was extending the deadline. I glanced at the new dates and times and felt relieved because our week was pretty busy (that was the week of our anniversary, among other things).
Anyways, I went to another class on Thursday night and while I was sitting there, I thought, "Oh, I need to remember to take those tests." I got home, chatted with my parents, and then right before I went to bed around midnight, I checked on-line to remind myself about the Friday night 11 p.m. deadline. Turns out I was wrong. The deadline wasn't Friday at 11 p.m. It was THURSDAY at 11 p.m. ... Yeah. ... I had just missed out on 200 points. There are only 1,000 for the whole class, and it's a 7-point grading scale, so that's an automatic C, even if I were to get 100% on everything else.
Needless to say, I didn't fall asleep easily that night. I had sent an e-mail to my teacher asking if I could still take the quizzes and midterm. And the gift: He let me! So Christmas Eve I took the tests (the whole thing took me just under 20 minutes), and then I sent an e-mail to my teacher saying Merry Christmas and Thank you SO MUCH!
4 - Rob and his Copter
I bought Rob a remote-controlled helicopter for Christmas. I bought it months ago and didn't tell him what it was. They aren't that expensive, but they're really, really fun.
Anyways, 2 fun stories connected to this. First, when Rob opened it he said, "That's the gift I really wanted." He said he didn't tell me because he "knew" I hadn't gotten him one, and he didn't want to make me feel bad for purchasing something else. How many times is that going to happen, eh? Buying the perfect gift without even knowing it.
Second fun story: Rob broke his helicopter on Christmas day. Yep. He flew it and flew it and flew it and then he came upstairs and said, "It broke." This is the story Rob told about how the helicopter broke. "I was letting Teancom fly it. I don't blame it on Teancom, though. He was flying it and it landed really hard." I was surprised that this had broken his copter, since I'd seen Rob fly it, and he wasn't gentle with it. About 5 minutes later Rob said, "It tipped over when it landed and I tried to fly it while it was laying on its side." I looked at him like he was stupid and said, "Why did you do that?" And with the tone of a guilty 7-year-old boy, he said, "I wanted to see what would happen." Uh huh.
I had anticipated the copter breaking eventually, so I had already purchased a replacement part set of commonly broken parts. But the part that broke wasn't in that bag. Turns out that most people think that flying the copter on its side is a bad idea.
The replacement part is on its way, though, along with a second copter. He says that way we can both fly one. For $25, why not.
5 - K'Nex building sets. Fun, fun, fun.
We now have this set and this set and this set and a few other sets. We love them. (Check out that first link and watch the video. Awesome double roller coaster.)
6 - Showing up to church on Christmas morning in my new bath robe.
A member of the Bishopric dared me to wear my bath robe to church on Christmas morning. Rob said, "That's not even a dare for Tamra." I got lots of compliments on it. And the Bishopric member looked me over and said, "Tamra, you're one in a million. ... Thank goodness."
He says he's going to come up with a really good dare. I said, "I do have limits," to which Rob added, "But not many."
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| Here are the kids all ready for church. I let Tank wear his new bath robe, too. Skull and cross bones to church. Ha! |
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| Elijah getting a hug from Grandma after she opened his gift to her: Q-tips. |
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| Chatting with the fam. |
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| Click on this picture to enlarge. We decided to have all the kids pretend like they were screaming so that the one real screaming child in the bottom left wouldn't look so out of place. Good times. |
9 - Uninterrupted time with my Father.
Normally we get weeks with my mother and a day or two with my father, but this time he stayed for more than a week. It was great to chat with him and go places with him and just generally have more time with him.
10 - General Christmas Magic, including:
- Krohn's Conservatory (my mom has the pictures. I forgot to steal them from her before she left).
- Seeing the kids SO EXCITED for Christmas.
- Telling Elijah the truth about Santa Claus.
- Christmas morning.
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| All of our stockings - Miciah and my dad have the same initials (MLT), which made for some fun games. |
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| The kids were playing and suddenly they said, "Mom, take a picture. We're Mary and Joseph holding baby Jesus." Aww. |
And that obscure reference is all I'm going to say about that.
And last but certainly not least:
12 - It's now 2012!
Whew! I'm excited to stop writing 2011. That was such an ugly year to write. 2012 is much prettier.
Though, having said that, 2011 was a fantastic year for our family. I don't feel like a lot has "happened," but we've been happier than ever, and that's huge. Thank you, 2011. I look forward to an even better 2012!
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