Minutes after writing the last post, I realized that I'd finally arrived: The Bottom.
My journey there wasn't dramatic. Just a slow descent. But by Monday night, I'd started saying things like, "I'm going to quit." And here's the thing: Even though I've said that before, it's always been with a laugh. I recognized something distinctly different this go round: I was starting to believe it.
Over the last few weeks, I'd hit some mental road blocks and I started recognizing that this is when it gets tough. These are the crucial moments when people buckle down and do it, or they just don't make it through. I could be one of those people who didn't make it out alive. And what of it? What if I did walk away from everything I've spent the last 2 years doing? I have a great life. I don't need this.
I had 2 different dreams related to interpreting. One where a room full of interpreters booed me off the stage (I woke up laughing about it, but it's funny how it affected me). The second where I said to interpreting, "To hell with you. I don't need you any more," and then spent the rest of my life happily playing with my kids, reading books, volunteering at the kids' school. You know, all those things I used to do. That second dream, it helped a little. I realized that I really COULD still walk away and my world would be fine.
But that didn't help the creeping melancholy. And, really, I'm tired of school. I'm tired of the time drain. I'm tired of the assignments that are always there. I'm tired of feeling like I always have to be on top of my schedule. I'm tired of reading books I don't want to read. I'm tired of teachers telling me what I'm doing wrong.
When Monday morning came around, Rob was out of town. I found it difficult to even get out of bed. And not like normal when I don't want to get out of bed (because that's most days, even when I feel great. The bed is warm and comfortable and maybe Rob could make me breakfast and I could read a book until noon. Ah, the dream.) - I really had no desire to exist at all. I realized that I'd hit a real low point. I know that marriage is the place to get support from a loving partner, but not wanting to get out of bed? That's pathetic. I suddenly saw that Rob had been holding me together for a long time. And he was gone.
By Monday night, I'd had enough. All the negativity swirling around my brain, it needed to go! For weeks / months my mind has been racing, like I didn't have time to think or catch my breath. I'd missed exits on the interstate (repeatedly - sometimes repeatedly on the same drive). I hadn't been able to focus. My self-esteem was down. I knew I needed to get this all under control, but how?
I thought of all my Calming Techniques that I've learned over the years...
I sat on the floor cross-legged and did my best to meditate.
Breathe out the negative.
Breathe in the positive.
Push out my thoughts.
The world is quiet.
And this is the little mantra that helped me quiet my mind: Nothing exists but what's in my head.
Sounds weird, right? But it really helped. Those things out there that I need to do, the nagging things on my to-do list, they aren't important. Not only that, they don't exist. At any given moment, I choose what is in my head and what is not. That's the reality of life. Nothing exists but what I allow at any given time to take priority in my brain.
Once I was calm, I realized I needed to be doing a better job with life than I was currently doing. Too many things were taking too much of my mental energy.
I reduced my life to 3 essential realms:
Myself
My Family
School
And right now, that's it (for those of you concerned - God is in the Myself category. Because there are few better ways to connect with myself than connecting with My Maker). I decided I would do one thing a day for each of those 3 categories. Not just like a check mark on a to-do list, but one thing to really CONNECT with myself, my family, and my school work. Just one thing. I resolved to not worry about the rest. Things will get done when they need to.
So there you go. That was my re-connection with the Universe. Hello, Universe. Zen Tamra says hi.
I woke up Tuesday morning feeling alive. I noticed the world around me like I know I used to notice it - and I found joy in it. Because that's what this life is about: Finding joy.
I can do that.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Monday, January 28, 2013
Gah!
School is making me freakin' lose my mind!
Just push through, Tamra. 10 more weeks. 10 more weeks. 10 more weeks.
Just push through, Tamra. 10 more weeks. 10 more weeks. 10 more weeks.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Moving On
Rob's Job
Rob is finally traveling and getting into his job. He's happy to feel useful. Not that he wasn't helpful around the house and to his family, but you know what I mean. As much as you think you'd like to be paid to do nothing, it gets old.
Travel so far has been lovely. A day trip to Indianapolis. Two days in Omaha. Hotel and food paid for, with mileage reimbursed for more than he pays out in gas. Which means we could afford to fix up the car that he's putting all those miles on. Sweet! (Well, he flew to Omaha. That's a little far.)
I know a lot of people don't like travel and the strain it puts on families. But this is WAY less stressful than the in-town teaching gig Rob was doing every Tuesday and Thursday night. Ridiculously so. Plus, at this stage in our lives, it's not such a bother for me. The kids kind of maintain themselves. In the past, I would have been bitter that Rob was out and about, enjoying good food on someone else's dime, while I'm at home taking care of the kids. Now he reports his travel days and I say, "I'm so happy that you're experiencing great things!" ... I think we've been prepared for this job.
(Though I'm not looking forward to his full week trip to Seattle. That won't be as much fun on the home front.)
... Also, it's adorable to watch Rob brush up on his German. He frequently gets company e-mails that are in German. So we've picked back up a subscription to the German Liahona, and he's been pretty good about reading it regularly. ... Again, I swear this job was created just for him.
Oh. He's also already being recognized as knowledgable about his product and how to use it, as well as being a good presenter. And that always feels really nice.
Tamra
I'm in the home stretch at Cincinnati State. Last semester. Last 3 classes. I will walk on Sunday, May 5th (as a heads up to any friends or family that may want to come and celebrate with me - Mom, Dad, nudge, nudge) and we'll throw a big party! This has been an awesome journey and I've loved the experience, but it's been a huge sacrifice for my family. So we're going to celebrate the closing of a chapter and the starting of a new one.
We talked to the kids about how these were my last 3 classes before I graduated. Elijah was like, "Well, yeah, if you pass the classes." "I'll pass them." "Yeah, but what if you don't?" "That is NOT an option." "Yeah, but, what if...?" "No. I will pass them. It happens to be somewhat under my control. I've worked too hard to not pass the last 3 classes." Elijah was still like, "Yeah, well, I'm just saying..." :)
I'm starting to look ahead past graduation, which is hard to do. The world is murky out there, and there are no clear paths. I'm trying to keep an open mind and yet be as prepared as possible to grab any opportunities placed before me, including the ones I make for myself!
My next step to becoming a certified interpreter is to earn a batchelor's degree. So I signed up for my first on-line class from BYU and I'm taking that alongside my 3 classes at Cincinnati State. I have about 30 credits until I'm done with my degree from BYU, and I'm shooting for having that finished by Decemeber 2014. It'll be a degree in Family Studies, which seems about as useful as a degree in Watching The Grass Grow, but I'm not above having a fluffy degree. It's a means towards an end, not a notch on my Check Out How Cool I Am measuring stick.
Also, I'm really excited to run a Tough Mudder with Rob and my brother, Keith, in April. Who doesn't want to run 12 miles and voluntarily get jolted with 10,000 volts of electricity along the way?! And that WILL be a notch on my Check Out How Cool I Am measuring stick. For sure. (Hey, Budge, want to join us? April 27th. Think about it.)
Miciah
The best day of her life was Christmas day when she received a sewing machine from Grandma and Grandpa Tungate. The worst day of her life was 3 days later when we started putting together the craft desk we bought her and found out that a piece was broken and we needed to order a replacement part. She bawled like a baby. I told her that in the grand scheme of things, she would hardly remember that she had to wait a few weeks to put her sewing machine on a desk. She responded with this: "After you're dead, and I've finished feeling sad about your death, I'll STILL be upset about not having my desk for 2 weeks." That's intense. Girl needs her sewing machine desk.
She was thrilled, then, when the part arrived on Friday and she was finally set up to go. She's read the entire sewing machine manual, and most of the "How to Sew" book we bought her. She knows how to thread it, properly position the bobbin, and has just figured out a zigzag stitch. She's so excited.
Over break Miciah and I had a reading contest. She beat me without breaking a sweat. She won, as a prize, The Double-Daring Book for Girls, which she is loving. She came to me and said, "Mom! You can dye your hair with koolaid!" Things could get interesting around here.
Last week was the Spelling Bee. Remember how Miciah got second place last year? Well, she qualified again this year but really, really didn't want to do it. She asked her father if she had to, and he told her no. So she approached the teacher in charge and asked to be moved further down the list. She was moved to 4th alternate and so Miciah happily watched the contest from the audience.
I gave her a little, "Hard things make us better people" pep talk afterwards. I told her I was a smidgen disappointed that she didn't rise to the occasion and hoped that next year she'd think about competing. Then, after she went to bed, I said, "Well, she's obviously my daughter." Rob was like, "Yeah. That pep talk coming from the woman who didn't want to walk to the front of the room when her name was called to receive a scholarship. And all you had to do was stand there and get your picture taken!" And what's your point? Hey, at least I DID it. I didn't want to, but I did it. And I'm sure deep down it made me a better person. ... Oh, whatever. She doesn't have to do the Spelling Bee next year if she doesn't want to. I'm SO fine with that.
Elijah
Ball o' Energy. Every year about this time we wonder why we don't own a personal gym for that kid. January through March are our hardest months with him BY FAR. He just doesn't have enough room to run around. Not that he would if we bought a bigger house, though. There just aren't enough inside spaces to contain his boundless energy. We do a lot of redirecting strategies. They don't work, but we try them. (Next year we're buying a Y pass before winter starts. No joke.)
Over break Elijah did a reading contest with his father. Elijah hates reading. This is evidenced by the fact that, despite our pleadings and his school assignments, he refuses to read anything beyond first grade-level books. He's in 3rd grade. Not cool.
So Rob figured out a motivational tool that put Elijah in a bind. He hates to lose more than he hates to read. Elijah read more over break than he had in the previous, I dunno, year? He even earned a BookIt award from school for the first time ever. Rob's decided to do the contest with him every month, and Elijah has now earned the right to have reading time before bed. He loves feeling grown up and being allowed to stay up later than normal to read a book. He proudly brings us the books that he's read at night so Rob can count the pages and mark them on his chart. It's a win for everyone.
Teancom
Apparently $10 worth of cars as incentive for going to church with a good attitude has totally paid off. The last few weeks, he's happily gotten dressed himself, and been the best behaved child of the 3 during sacrament meeting! What's that about? We're enjoying the break from insane mornings of wanting to pull your hair out, when you're supposed to be getting spiritually prepared to commune with Heavenly Father. Again, I'll buy him cars until he's 20 if that's all it takes.
Teancom recently was nominated 1st Grader of the week. He felt like a super star. It has been reported back to us that he is happy, a fantastic student and a great friend. Also, he tells us that his classmates frequently call him "the cutest" and/or "the smallest." One even said, "You're the cutest in 1st grade, but that's cause you're the smallest." He is the smallest. He's teeny. And he's adorable.
Teancom can read! For a long time he would tell us, "But I can't read!" And he was mostly right. He's something of a perfectionist, so sounding out words was troubling to him. I would sit with him on my lap and we'd take turns reading the pages of his book. When it was his turn, I could see the mental struggle he was having with himself, fighting the urge to just give up. Well, he stuck it through long enough that he now can read nearly anything he wants to. I think the last time I let him say, "But I can't read!" was 2 weeks ago when I finally responded with, "Nonsense. You can read really well!" He's reading full verses of the Book of Mormon with us on a nightly basis, only needing help with really big words like "necessity" or proper nouns.
Both of my boys started reading really well in the middle of 1st grade. Miciah was reading like that in the middle of kindergarten. Then I realized that they were all 6 years old when they learned how to read. Straight across the board. Miciah is just a year older compared to grade level. Not that it means anything, it's just interesting.
And that's life here. Sorry this was so long, but I haven't been updating like normal recently. I do more watching and pondering as opposed to writing down and trying to pin down experiences. I kinda like it, actually. ... Also, Blogger has decided they want me to pay to upload more pictures, which depresses me. Not that it's a lot - $3 a month - but still. It's usually enough to stiffle my dwindling desire to post.
Rob is finally traveling and getting into his job. He's happy to feel useful. Not that he wasn't helpful around the house and to his family, but you know what I mean. As much as you think you'd like to be paid to do nothing, it gets old.
Travel so far has been lovely. A day trip to Indianapolis. Two days in Omaha. Hotel and food paid for, with mileage reimbursed for more than he pays out in gas. Which means we could afford to fix up the car that he's putting all those miles on. Sweet! (Well, he flew to Omaha. That's a little far.)
I know a lot of people don't like travel and the strain it puts on families. But this is WAY less stressful than the in-town teaching gig Rob was doing every Tuesday and Thursday night. Ridiculously so. Plus, at this stage in our lives, it's not such a bother for me. The kids kind of maintain themselves. In the past, I would have been bitter that Rob was out and about, enjoying good food on someone else's dime, while I'm at home taking care of the kids. Now he reports his travel days and I say, "I'm so happy that you're experiencing great things!" ... I think we've been prepared for this job.
(Though I'm not looking forward to his full week trip to Seattle. That won't be as much fun on the home front.)
... Also, it's adorable to watch Rob brush up on his German. He frequently gets company e-mails that are in German. So we've picked back up a subscription to the German Liahona, and he's been pretty good about reading it regularly. ... Again, I swear this job was created just for him.
Oh. He's also already being recognized as knowledgable about his product and how to use it, as well as being a good presenter. And that always feels really nice.
Tamra
I'm in the home stretch at Cincinnati State. Last semester. Last 3 classes. I will walk on Sunday, May 5th (as a heads up to any friends or family that may want to come and celebrate with me - Mom, Dad, nudge, nudge) and we'll throw a big party! This has been an awesome journey and I've loved the experience, but it's been a huge sacrifice for my family. So we're going to celebrate the closing of a chapter and the starting of a new one.
We talked to the kids about how these were my last 3 classes before I graduated. Elijah was like, "Well, yeah, if you pass the classes." "I'll pass them." "Yeah, but what if you don't?" "That is NOT an option." "Yeah, but, what if...?" "No. I will pass them. It happens to be somewhat under my control. I've worked too hard to not pass the last 3 classes." Elijah was still like, "Yeah, well, I'm just saying..." :)
I'm starting to look ahead past graduation, which is hard to do. The world is murky out there, and there are no clear paths. I'm trying to keep an open mind and yet be as prepared as possible to grab any opportunities placed before me, including the ones I make for myself!
My next step to becoming a certified interpreter is to earn a batchelor's degree. So I signed up for my first on-line class from BYU and I'm taking that alongside my 3 classes at Cincinnati State. I have about 30 credits until I'm done with my degree from BYU, and I'm shooting for having that finished by Decemeber 2014. It'll be a degree in Family Studies, which seems about as useful as a degree in Watching The Grass Grow, but I'm not above having a fluffy degree. It's a means towards an end, not a notch on my Check Out How Cool I Am measuring stick.
Also, I'm really excited to run a Tough Mudder with Rob and my brother, Keith, in April. Who doesn't want to run 12 miles and voluntarily get jolted with 10,000 volts of electricity along the way?! And that WILL be a notch on my Check Out How Cool I Am measuring stick. For sure. (Hey, Budge, want to join us? April 27th. Think about it.)
Miciah
The best day of her life was Christmas day when she received a sewing machine from Grandma and Grandpa Tungate. The worst day of her life was 3 days later when we started putting together the craft desk we bought her and found out that a piece was broken and we needed to order a replacement part. She bawled like a baby. I told her that in the grand scheme of things, she would hardly remember that she had to wait a few weeks to put her sewing machine on a desk. She responded with this: "After you're dead, and I've finished feeling sad about your death, I'll STILL be upset about not having my desk for 2 weeks." That's intense. Girl needs her sewing machine desk.
She was thrilled, then, when the part arrived on Friday and she was finally set up to go. She's read the entire sewing machine manual, and most of the "How to Sew" book we bought her. She knows how to thread it, properly position the bobbin, and has just figured out a zigzag stitch. She's so excited.
Over break Miciah and I had a reading contest. She beat me without breaking a sweat. She won, as a prize, The Double-Daring Book for Girls, which she is loving. She came to me and said, "Mom! You can dye your hair with koolaid!" Things could get interesting around here.
Last week was the Spelling Bee. Remember how Miciah got second place last year? Well, she qualified again this year but really, really didn't want to do it. She asked her father if she had to, and he told her no. So she approached the teacher in charge and asked to be moved further down the list. She was moved to 4th alternate and so Miciah happily watched the contest from the audience.
I gave her a little, "Hard things make us better people" pep talk afterwards. I told her I was a smidgen disappointed that she didn't rise to the occasion and hoped that next year she'd think about competing. Then, after she went to bed, I said, "Well, she's obviously my daughter." Rob was like, "Yeah. That pep talk coming from the woman who didn't want to walk to the front of the room when her name was called to receive a scholarship. And all you had to do was stand there and get your picture taken!" And what's your point? Hey, at least I DID it. I didn't want to, but I did it. And I'm sure deep down it made me a better person. ... Oh, whatever. She doesn't have to do the Spelling Bee next year if she doesn't want to. I'm SO fine with that.
Elijah
Ball o' Energy. Every year about this time we wonder why we don't own a personal gym for that kid. January through March are our hardest months with him BY FAR. He just doesn't have enough room to run around. Not that he would if we bought a bigger house, though. There just aren't enough inside spaces to contain his boundless energy. We do a lot of redirecting strategies. They don't work, but we try them. (Next year we're buying a Y pass before winter starts. No joke.)
Over break Elijah did a reading contest with his father. Elijah hates reading. This is evidenced by the fact that, despite our pleadings and his school assignments, he refuses to read anything beyond first grade-level books. He's in 3rd grade. Not cool.
So Rob figured out a motivational tool that put Elijah in a bind. He hates to lose more than he hates to read. Elijah read more over break than he had in the previous, I dunno, year? He even earned a BookIt award from school for the first time ever. Rob's decided to do the contest with him every month, and Elijah has now earned the right to have reading time before bed. He loves feeling grown up and being allowed to stay up later than normal to read a book. He proudly brings us the books that he's read at night so Rob can count the pages and mark them on his chart. It's a win for everyone.
Teancom
Apparently $10 worth of cars as incentive for going to church with a good attitude has totally paid off. The last few weeks, he's happily gotten dressed himself, and been the best behaved child of the 3 during sacrament meeting! What's that about? We're enjoying the break from insane mornings of wanting to pull your hair out, when you're supposed to be getting spiritually prepared to commune with Heavenly Father. Again, I'll buy him cars until he's 20 if that's all it takes.
Teancom recently was nominated 1st Grader of the week. He felt like a super star. It has been reported back to us that he is happy, a fantastic student and a great friend. Also, he tells us that his classmates frequently call him "the cutest" and/or "the smallest." One even said, "You're the cutest in 1st grade, but that's cause you're the smallest." He is the smallest. He's teeny. And he's adorable.
Teancom can read! For a long time he would tell us, "But I can't read!" And he was mostly right. He's something of a perfectionist, so sounding out words was troubling to him. I would sit with him on my lap and we'd take turns reading the pages of his book. When it was his turn, I could see the mental struggle he was having with himself, fighting the urge to just give up. Well, he stuck it through long enough that he now can read nearly anything he wants to. I think the last time I let him say, "But I can't read!" was 2 weeks ago when I finally responded with, "Nonsense. You can read really well!" He's reading full verses of the Book of Mormon with us on a nightly basis, only needing help with really big words like "necessity" or proper nouns.
Both of my boys started reading really well in the middle of 1st grade. Miciah was reading like that in the middle of kindergarten. Then I realized that they were all 6 years old when they learned how to read. Straight across the board. Miciah is just a year older compared to grade level. Not that it means anything, it's just interesting.
And that's life here. Sorry this was so long, but I haven't been updating like normal recently. I do more watching and pondering as opposed to writing down and trying to pin down experiences. I kinda like it, actually. ... Also, Blogger has decided they want me to pay to upload more pictures, which depresses me. Not that it's a lot - $3 a month - but still. It's usually enough to stiffle my dwindling desire to post.
Friday, January 11, 2013
New Year's Gift
I don't do very well with New Year's Resolutions, but I do like reflecting on my life and what I need / want to improve. I don't do this only in January, though, so, there's that.
Every year, though, I make a year-long gift to my husband. It's not a resolution, it's a gift.
The first year I did this, I decided I would pray every time it was my turn to pray. Before that year, I was notoriously bad for saying, "I don't want to, you do it." And then Rob would pray pretty much every day. That worked well for me until I realized that I was totally taking advantage of Rob's niceness. I mean, if he did that to me, I'd give him an ear full.
Now, I'm happy to report, I even pray sometimes when it's his turn. You know, if he's tired or whatnot. So, hurray for me.
I kept it going. I decided that I should make more gifts to Rob. This winter I decided that I would only put my cold hands on his bare stomach in times of extreme need. He's appreciated that.
And this year, my Year-Long Gift to Rob is not hitting him.
This is a massive sacrifice for me. Because you know what you do to males whom you love and adore? You hit them, of course! Softly. There are only so many people in the world that I can hit at all. Rob is one of, what, 6? (Rob plus 5 brothers.) And the other 5 live so far away.
So I've started telling him, "Guess what? Right now I'm hugging you, but I wanted to hit you instead. Isn't that nice of me?"
The last time that I just hugged him, he kinda brushed it off, like he didn't really care. And I was like, "Hold up there. You don't seem like you appreciate this NEARLY as much as I miss it. Need to hear that you're happy about this!"
... Pretty much, I haven't always treated my adorable husband as well as he deserves. So I have to make year-long efforts to make it up to him. Poor guy, married me and not some nice human being who already knows that abuse isn't appropriate and that taking advantage of someone's niceness is, you know, wrong.
Hurray for change!
Every year, though, I make a year-long gift to my husband. It's not a resolution, it's a gift.
The first year I did this, I decided I would pray every time it was my turn to pray. Before that year, I was notoriously bad for saying, "I don't want to, you do it." And then Rob would pray pretty much every day. That worked well for me until I realized that I was totally taking advantage of Rob's niceness. I mean, if he did that to me, I'd give him an ear full.
Now, I'm happy to report, I even pray sometimes when it's his turn. You know, if he's tired or whatnot. So, hurray for me.
I kept it going. I decided that I should make more gifts to Rob. This winter I decided that I would only put my cold hands on his bare stomach in times of extreme need. He's appreciated that.
And this year, my Year-Long Gift to Rob is not hitting him.
This is a massive sacrifice for me. Because you know what you do to males whom you love and adore? You hit them, of course! Softly. There are only so many people in the world that I can hit at all. Rob is one of, what, 6? (Rob plus 5 brothers.) And the other 5 live so far away.
So I've started telling him, "Guess what? Right now I'm hugging you, but I wanted to hit you instead. Isn't that nice of me?"
The last time that I just hugged him, he kinda brushed it off, like he didn't really care. And I was like, "Hold up there. You don't seem like you appreciate this NEARLY as much as I miss it. Need to hear that you're happy about this!"
... Pretty much, I haven't always treated my adorable husband as well as he deserves. So I have to make year-long efforts to make it up to him. Poor guy, married me and not some nice human being who already knows that abuse isn't appropriate and that taking advantage of someone's niceness is, you know, wrong.
Hurray for change!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
2012, You Will Be Missed
Christmas break has been AMAZING. It's actually been a break, which is the first amazing part. Rob has been home the entire time. We've played with friends. We've hung out as a family. We've played games and had fun and eaten too much sugar and slept too long. What's more perfect than that?
I told Rob that I had one goal over break: Waste time. A lot of it. I have to say that, for a perpetual goal-fall-short-er, I have ROCKED this goal. I downloaded and played a game that involves dots on a grid. I got my Free Cell winning percentage up to 80%. I didn't send e-mails, Christmas cards, or post on my blogs. I've ignored chores and haven't made dinner. I've watched movies. I have spent entire days doing nothing productive whatsoever.
Tomorrow it's back to real life, but the break has been fun.
Anyways. 2012 has been a fantastic year for me and my family. We feel ridiculously blessed. Here's a short list of reasons why:
1 - Finished paying off over $30,000 worth of loans.
2 - Rob got a great paying new job.
3 - I got a great internship / Practicum slot at school, which has already led and will continue to lead to opportunities and friendships.
4 - Rob and I have both made a host of new friends.
5 - The kids are healthy, happy, helpful, and fun.
6 - We've been able to help others in ways we wouldn't have dreamed possible.
7 - Rob and I are happier with each other, more in love, and have a stronger relationship than ever before.
8 - The kids were able to spend a great summer at Grandma's house, while I knocked out school work.
9 - Rob has faced some emotional demons and overcome them in significant ways.
10 - I have defined myself as an interpreter. The doubt is gone. Full speed ahead.
When 2012 started, Rob and I both felt that change was in the air. Lots of things have changed, and we're so happy with what life has brought us. We feel optimistic about 2013 and pray that more happy changes (or happy sameness) are in store.
Happy New Year!!!
(P.S. Hopefully pictures coming soon. Don't hold your breath, though. This blog is intermitently one step shy of being dismantled. As I actively practice being Quiet, this blog holds less and less value for me.)
I told Rob that I had one goal over break: Waste time. A lot of it. I have to say that, for a perpetual goal-fall-short-er, I have ROCKED this goal. I downloaded and played a game that involves dots on a grid. I got my Free Cell winning percentage up to 80%. I didn't send e-mails, Christmas cards, or post on my blogs. I've ignored chores and haven't made dinner. I've watched movies. I have spent entire days doing nothing productive whatsoever.
Tomorrow it's back to real life, but the break has been fun.
Anyways. 2012 has been a fantastic year for me and my family. We feel ridiculously blessed. Here's a short list of reasons why:
1 - Finished paying off over $30,000 worth of loans.
2 - Rob got a great paying new job.
3 - I got a great internship / Practicum slot at school, which has already led and will continue to lead to opportunities and friendships.
4 - Rob and I have both made a host of new friends.
5 - The kids are healthy, happy, helpful, and fun.
6 - We've been able to help others in ways we wouldn't have dreamed possible.
7 - Rob and I are happier with each other, more in love, and have a stronger relationship than ever before.
8 - The kids were able to spend a great summer at Grandma's house, while I knocked out school work.
9 - Rob has faced some emotional demons and overcome them in significant ways.
10 - I have defined myself as an interpreter. The doubt is gone. Full speed ahead.
When 2012 started, Rob and I both felt that change was in the air. Lots of things have changed, and we're so happy with what life has brought us. We feel optimistic about 2013 and pray that more happy changes (or happy sameness) are in store.
Happy New Year!!!
(P.S. Hopefully pictures coming soon. Don't hold your breath, though. This blog is intermitently one step shy of being dismantled. As I actively practice being Quiet, this blog holds less and less value for me.)
Monday, December 10, 2012
First Things First
Money has been on my mind a lot lately. Which makes sense, because our financial world changed over night. I don't have a lot figured out, but I wanted to tell you some pretty exciting stuff:
First Things First
With Rob's first paycheck, we paid off his smallest remaining student loan.
Second Things Second
With Rob's second paycheck, we paid off the next-to-last student loan.
That means we only have 1 left. We knocked out half our debt, equalling just over $100 a month in debt payments. Also, we can afford Christmas like never before. We're not spending a ton on ourselves, but we've been able to buy some killer gifts for loved ones, and that feels amazing.
Last Things Last
And everything else I can't figure out about money, it can just be ignored for now. Which car should we buy in 2013? Should we really just wait for the van to die or do we want to pre-emptively strike the car market? Do we want to upgrade house in the next few years? Does that mean a slightly bigger house, a bigger yard, or should we save up and build our own after saving for a few more years? Do we want to re-do the basement on our current house? Do we want to make our current house our forever house? Do I want to take a trip to Hawaii or Peru? If our current house becomes our forever house, could I afford a trip to both Hawaii AND Peru?
And now you see why I've been thinking about money a lot. We've never had so many options.
It's fun to dream.
First Things First
With Rob's first paycheck, we paid off his smallest remaining student loan.
Second Things Second
With Rob's second paycheck, we paid off the next-to-last student loan.
That means we only have 1 left. We knocked out half our debt, equalling just over $100 a month in debt payments. Also, we can afford Christmas like never before. We're not spending a ton on ourselves, but we've been able to buy some killer gifts for loved ones, and that feels amazing.
Last Things Last
And everything else I can't figure out about money, it can just be ignored for now. Which car should we buy in 2013? Should we really just wait for the van to die or do we want to pre-emptively strike the car market? Do we want to upgrade house in the next few years? Does that mean a slightly bigger house, a bigger yard, or should we save up and build our own after saving for a few more years? Do we want to re-do the basement on our current house? Do we want to make our current house our forever house? Do I want to take a trip to Hawaii or Peru? If our current house becomes our forever house, could I afford a trip to both Hawaii AND Peru?
And now you see why I've been thinking about money a lot. We've never had so many options.
It's fun to dream.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Aphorisms, Who Needs 'Em?
You guys know what aphorisms are? (Yes, my freakish English-loving friends, I know that YOU know what they are. But all the normal people may not.)
Here are some examples:
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
When one door closes, another door opens.
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
They're like these quippy little phrases that are supposed to pass on some deep life lesson. Except that most of them are uber-lame and ultra-sappy.
We had to go over a list of them in ASL class today. (What does it mean? How would you interpret it?) This was a problem for 2 reasons: 1 - I'm SO mentally done with school right now, and 2 - I hate aphorisms.
I just don't feel like life can be tied up nicely in a little bow and made pretty with a quotable sentence that makes us feel better about challenges.
I've come up with my own aphorisms over the years. Ones that I feel are less sappy, more accurate, and more helpful. I would now like to share those with you:
Normal Version: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Tamra's Version: When life gives you lemons, that sucks!
Normal Version: Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
Tamra's Version: Anything worth doing is worth doing well enough.
Alternate Version: Good enough is good enough.
And my own creation: Family is Chaos.
You know what makes me feel better about challenges? Knowing that I'm awesome and I can totally do it. That's not a sentence. It's a lifestyle.
Here are some examples:
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
When one door closes, another door opens.
Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.
They're like these quippy little phrases that are supposed to pass on some deep life lesson. Except that most of them are uber-lame and ultra-sappy.
We had to go over a list of them in ASL class today. (What does it mean? How would you interpret it?) This was a problem for 2 reasons: 1 - I'm SO mentally done with school right now, and 2 - I hate aphorisms.
I just don't feel like life can be tied up nicely in a little bow and made pretty with a quotable sentence that makes us feel better about challenges.
I've come up with my own aphorisms over the years. Ones that I feel are less sappy, more accurate, and more helpful. I would now like to share those with you:
Normal Version: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Tamra's Version: When life gives you lemons, that sucks!
Normal Version: Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
Tamra's Version: Anything worth doing is worth doing well enough.
Alternate Version: Good enough is good enough.
And my own creation: Family is Chaos.
You know what makes me feel better about challenges? Knowing that I'm awesome and I can totally do it. That's not a sentence. It's a lifestyle.
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