Rob and I have happily embraced Cincinnati as our Home. Up until this last year, we've lived here because we've needed to. We have finally, though, decided to live here - in this city, in this house - just because we want to. It's been a wonderful feeling, to finally claim Cincinnati as home and declare ourselves locals.
You might remember that about this time last year we decided to stick around Cincinnati. Well, finally our hearts feel at home, too. Something about making the decision opened our eyes to all the cool things we have going for us right here and right now. I have connections to the local interpreting community, particularly Cincinnati State, where I envision staying for years (and maybe teaching? Scary thought). We have the local nursery where we buy our plants and they know us by sight. I have a soccer team that I play with and also do things socially with. We have a church congregation full of people who know and love us. We have local universities, cultural events, parks, theater, farmer's markets. So many things to do and love!
On top of that, we're starting to get to know our city better. It's our first real life style upgrade that involves DOING something. (I mean, we bought some cars and upgraded our home, but that's not something you do.) We bought season tickets to a theater here. We're attending some ballets this year. We went on a historic tour of Over the Rhine (a cool, trendy spot really close to downtown). We're starting to check out local restaurants. It's our attempt to really experience our city.
And we're loving it. For so many years we just lived here because it's where we already were. And we liked it well enough. But now we're embracing our Cincinnati-ness. And it feels great.
Though I still can barely stand it when I hear myself say that Cincinnati 'o' sound. Grrr.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Life as of late, a brief history
We are having a really good time hanging out at home. Life hasn't felt "normal" for a while, with trips to take and then recover from and life-altering decisions to discuss (and then recover from), so it's nice to just have our day-to-day schedule.
That daily schedule includes travel for Rob, and it's nice to report that the kids are WAY better at it now than they were a year ago. In fact, we're all much better at it. We are a seasoned work travel family! Not to say that every day goes perfectly, cause that's laughable, but we've definitely found our groove.
The boys are finishing up their soccer season this week. They both had a great time and have wholeheartedly abandoned gymnastics for soccer. This is a shame because gymnastics was at one location once a week, whereas soccer is at least 4 locations 4 times a week. While it's been neat to see them have fun and improve, it's always a little exhausting. We're looking forward to how boring our life will seem next week.
Miciah has found lots of ways to participate in life. She is involved in events at the local library still. She's doing Girls on the Run and gearing up for her 5K on November 15th. She also just tried out for some writing group at school. ... Pretty much, Miciah tells us what she's doing with her life and we try to make sure she can get there and back.
Teancom decided to run for Student Council at school, and he won his class's election slot. He's really excited about it and takes it pretty seriously. We're excited because it's something that requires him to be in front of quite a few people and do some public speaking. Honestly, when he came home and said he wanted to do it, I was like, "Umm, do you know that you make videos of yourself and have to speak on morning announcements and stuff?" That's what a great mom I am. But Tank just said he knew what it would take and he wanted to do it. ROCK ON.
I'm interpreting at Cincinnati State a lot more this semester than previously, and I'm LOVING the college interpreting environment. I get to encourage ITP students, I can sign all I want, and my schedule is more predictable. I'm also interpreting more during the day, so I'm home more evenings, and that feels awesome, too. ... To be clear, I'm not actually doing more interpreting than previously, I've just switched where my emphasis is. Before Cincinnati State was my secondary employer, and now most of my hours are spent there.
Our house is also feeling much more settled. Nothing is under construction and no one is visiting from out of town (though if you want to come, you are welcome!). We've tackled a few organization / deep cleaning projects that have been on hold for a year now, and it feels so much nicer to have, for instance, our food storage totally back in order. Maybe that sounds silly, but trust me, it feels great.
And that's kinda what life is like around here these days. It's a beautiful thing, I think, to have a simple life.
That daily schedule includes travel for Rob, and it's nice to report that the kids are WAY better at it now than they were a year ago. In fact, we're all much better at it. We are a seasoned work travel family! Not to say that every day goes perfectly, cause that's laughable, but we've definitely found our groove.
The boys are finishing up their soccer season this week. They both had a great time and have wholeheartedly abandoned gymnastics for soccer. This is a shame because gymnastics was at one location once a week, whereas soccer is at least 4 locations 4 times a week. While it's been neat to see them have fun and improve, it's always a little exhausting. We're looking forward to how boring our life will seem next week.
Miciah has found lots of ways to participate in life. She is involved in events at the local library still. She's doing Girls on the Run and gearing up for her 5K on November 15th. She also just tried out for some writing group at school. ... Pretty much, Miciah tells us what she's doing with her life and we try to make sure she can get there and back.
Teancom decided to run for Student Council at school, and he won his class's election slot. He's really excited about it and takes it pretty seriously. We're excited because it's something that requires him to be in front of quite a few people and do some public speaking. Honestly, when he came home and said he wanted to do it, I was like, "Umm, do you know that you make videos of yourself and have to speak on morning announcements and stuff?" That's what a great mom I am. But Tank just said he knew what it would take and he wanted to do it. ROCK ON.
I'm interpreting at Cincinnati State a lot more this semester than previously, and I'm LOVING the college interpreting environment. I get to encourage ITP students, I can sign all I want, and my schedule is more predictable. I'm also interpreting more during the day, so I'm home more evenings, and that feels awesome, too. ... To be clear, I'm not actually doing more interpreting than previously, I've just switched where my emphasis is. Before Cincinnati State was my secondary employer, and now most of my hours are spent there.
Our house is also feeling much more settled. Nothing is under construction and no one is visiting from out of town (though if you want to come, you are welcome!). We've tackled a few organization / deep cleaning projects that have been on hold for a year now, and it feels so much nicer to have, for instance, our food storage totally back in order. Maybe that sounds silly, but trust me, it feels great.
And that's kinda what life is like around here these days. It's a beautiful thing, I think, to have a simple life.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
The Path - an analogy
Rob and I are on the last day of our trip to Marquette, Michigan in the beautiful Upper Peninsula. I seriously want to live here someday. Not today. But someday.
While I've been here I've used some of the time to write up an analogy about my spiritual journey. Rob and I have had many, many discussions about my new direction. I have found it difficult to explain the paradigm shift that I've experienced, but while I was talking to him an analogy popped into my mind and so I wrote it out and expanded it, because I feel like it explains things fairly well. It's an exploration of how I got from where I used to be to where I currently am.
So, if you'd like, you can read the somewhat long analogy about my journey. Even if you don't find it useful, know that it's been immensely beneficial to me to put it down in words.
While I've been here I've used some of the time to write up an analogy about my spiritual journey. Rob and I have had many, many discussions about my new direction. I have found it difficult to explain the paradigm shift that I've experienced, but while I was talking to him an analogy popped into my mind and so I wrote it out and expanded it, because I feel like it explains things fairly well. It's an exploration of how I got from where I used to be to where I currently am.
So, if you'd like, you can read the somewhat long analogy about my journey. Even if you don't find it useful, know that it's been immensely beneficial to me to put it down in words.
The
Path
I
imagine myself driving in a car, on the way to Heaven. It's a
far-off place, but it's worth the drive. I've heard how amazing it
is, and I've felt a peace inside my heart that tells me that this is
true. In Heaven, I get the things that I want, and what have I lost?
Not much. I left the city of Natural Man long ago, happy to leave
behind the darkness and confusion. If I have chosen a road that
demands clean living, it is only because I don't think living
otherwise will make me happier. Besides, those other roads were
headed in the wrong direction.
This
road trip, of course, is well-planned out. I know where to stop and
when. I know to be careful about alternate courses that lead away
from where I want to go. I have a map that's easy to follow. I am
set. And gratefully so! Some people aren't lucky enough to have a
map.
On
top of that, God isn't silent here. He has installed a GPS device in
my car and it tells me what I need to do when. He also updates me
via radio on any necessary changes of course or dangers ahead. A
classical music radio station broadcasts these messages, told to me
by an inspired reporter. I am reassured, knowing that even if it
seems at times that the GPS and the radio announcements conflict,
it's only because I haven't listened well enough. With the right
combination of consulting the map, fine tuning my radio signal,
re-playing the GPS instructions, and prayer, I'll realize what I need
to do.
I
am careful on this trip. I have a checklist to follow to help me
have a smooth trip. I know that even if some of these things seem
difficult or time-consuming, it's the only way, or at least it's the
best way to ensure reaching my final destination. I have daily,
weekly, and monthly tasks that keep me moving along. I also have
people who care for me so much that they call and help remind me to
do each of those tasks. I'm grateful to have so many people on my
team.
All-in-all,
I am grateful to be on this roadway, heading towards Heaven. Even if
it's hard sometimes, I know I wouldn't be happy with an easier path.
I know too much to head in a different direction.
But
then problems start arising. I'm listening to God's radio station,
enjoying the soothing music, and I hear an announcement that
conflicts with my GPS device. For the first time in my life, even
after many hours of trying, I can't reconcile the two. I feel deeply
uncomfortable, but I decide to go ahead and follow the directions
given on the radio. After all, the radio station has never lead me
astray before. I take a deep breath and I do it. Immediately, I
realize that this was a mistake. I know, in my gut, that my GPS
device was right all along. I keep driving, but I vow to never do
that again. Next time there is no next time; I know what I will do.
Now
there are billboards that have messages on them about why it's
important to re-calibrate our GPS devises if they are malfunctioning.
At first I see these billboards only once in a while, but pretty
soon it seems like every single bill board is saying the same thing!
And the classical music station is issuing warnings after every
single song. I am confused by all of this, but it's okay because I'm
still headed towards Heaven. It'll be worth it in the end, and then
God can explain what it was all about anyway. That thought comforts
me.
Soon
after the billboards popped up, protesters start lining the streets.
They're holding signs that say some pretty awful things about people
who aren't following the inspired reporter closely enough. They're
talking about me, I guess, but I don't feel like I'm doing anything
wrong. I call friends and family and get advice from them. “Ignore
the protestors. They're not worth your time.” I decide that my
loved ones are right. I keep driving, but I can't help but notice
that the protestors' numbers are increasing and, when I choose to
look, the signs are getting more pointed. “IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT
THE INSPIRED REPORTER HAS TO SAY, GET OFF THE ROAD.” and “GOD'S
MESSAGE NEVER CHANGES. IF YOU DISAGREE WITH HIS RADIO STATION, YOUR
GPS IS BROKEN.” and “IF YOU DON'T AGREE WITH US, WE DON'T WANT
YOU ON OUR ROAD.”
One
day, there's an announcement on God's radio station that I can't
ignore. A car that was traveling on the road, following their GPS,
was forced to get off. I know this has happened before, because the
road to Heaven isn't easy and occasionally there are people who need
re-routed. But this particular case is personal because my GPS is
leading me in similar directions. I don't know what to do.
Everyday
is confusing now. More and more I feel that my GPS and the classical
music station are telling me to go in different directions. I can't
turn off my GPS device because I vowed never to ignore it again. But
I don't want to ignore the radio station, either, because that's not
what good people do, and I'm a good person. I'm watching people exit
the road to Heaven for a road that follows their GPS. There are a
lot of them, it seems. Many more than before. Some of them are
strangers, but some of them are people that I love and adore. What
am I supposed to do?
I'm
sending out distress calls to my loved ones. “Help me resolve
this!” I plead. I'm encouraged to be patient, to pray harder, to
study the map more closely, and to have faith that my GPS and the
radio station will come back in line again. But I can't listen to it
all any more. Everything is noise to me now: the protesters are
screaming; the billboards are inches apart, all saying the same
thing; and the radio station doesn't even play music any more, just
warnings back to back to back. It all mashes together and swirls
around my head, making me dizzy. I pull over and just sit there,
trying to decide what to do. I turn off the radio, and I sit in
silence. I sit there for a long time.
I
finally come to some stark conclusions. One, I can no longer make
this work. I've tried and I've failed. Two, I don't know how things
will all work out, but I know I need to try something else. I can't
make it to Heaven on this road. Maybe I'm giving up, maybe I'm too
weak, maybe a million things, but I'm throwing in the towel. I don't
want to take a different road, because I know too much to fully leave
the road to Heaven. So I just sit there on the side of the road. I
am done moving forward, trying to reconcile it all. I take my map
and fold it up neatly. I take my checklist and turn it over. I
lovingly touch the radio dial, but I don't turn it back on. I pine
for easier times when the path seemed clear. But while I'm not sure
what the future will look like, I know that the conflict needs to be
over one way or another. So I take care of it. It's over.
I
wonder what things will look like now. I still want to be on the
road, but I want silence. A space to figure things out. I don't
know how to do this. The conflict is over, but what does the
resolution look like? These thoughts keep me company as I drift off
to sleep.
When
I awake I am shocked to find that everything is gone. There is no
road, no protestors, no car, no GPS. On top of that, there is no
landscape. There is nothing. All is blackness, a void, stretching
on and on into forever. I don't know what place this is or how I got
here. I don't even know what to call this space. But I am not
afraid. This is a sacred space. I can feel it.
Even
though I don't know anything about what this space is, I am comforted
to be here. This void, this expansive void, is the most amazing
place I've ever seen. It's not an empty space, like you imagine a
void would be. On the contrary, it is filled to overflowing with
peace and hope and truth. I don't know how this is possible. I
don't know anything because this isn't a space I was prepared to
find. The only thing I know is that I don't ever want to leave.
There
is no longer a need to think about how to resolve any conflicts
related to the road. There is no road here. There aren't even any
conflicts here. My loved ones continue to give me advice on how to
resolve issues or how to better navigate the road, but I now have a
hard time understanding what they are telling me. The longer I stay
in the void, the less I have a desire to re-find any road. The road
will lead me to Heaven? Oh. That sounds nice. But have you seen
this place? This place. It is already heaven. I can't explain it.
It just is.
And
that is the first understanding I have of this place, about what it
is: It just is. It leads me quickly to several truths. First, I
am. I exist. That's a good place to start. Second, I am a good
person. I haven't lost the road, I have found a beautiful new place.
This new place offers truth in a different way, a way that is hard
to explain because it is new to me and I don't have words for it.
But I still have access to truth and love and peace, and that means
I'm still a good person. And lastly, God exists.
This
last truth – God exists – is the most powerful, pervasive message
of this new space I've found. All around me, and stretching into
infinity, is God. God is love and hope and peace. So far I know
that God is these things, and I don't know anything else. Is God in
human form, with gender and a body and the ability to have a Son? No
clue. Are we God's children? Again, I don't know. And there is no
real push to know. This place offers truth – it's there, so
obviously there – but suddenly those other things that I used to
consider truths are insignificant. This place offers truth of a
different sort. Everything else seems like an unnecessary detail.
This
isn't a place where truth needs to be sought, because truth is
already here. It just is. Running around looking for truth isn't
necessary. If I stand right here, I will feel it. It is all around
me. I feel it pressing against my skin and from there stretching
into eternity. I can't define it. I just know it is. I can look
inside myself and find truth, too. I am connected to it. I can
close my eyes, listen to the beating of my heart, and I know my heart
beats truth. We are all connected to it. God is around us and in us
and through us. It's the most beautiful thought I've ever pinned
down.
It
is hard, in this space, to remember what I used to know. The
language is all still there; I can recite from memory all the truths
I used to claim as mine. But they no longer feel like my truths. I
speak of those things as belonging to someone else. Slowly, and
quite naturally, I think, the old truths are fading. I understand
why this would alarm people, but I don't feel alarmed. The old
truths seem unnecessarily complex. The new truths are simple and
powerful. I could happily live my whole life in this comparatively
bare space.
And
maybe I might. I don't know. That's the beauty of the space I've
found: I don't know much and I'm happy for it. Does the new space
have a pathway, too? Does it lead somewhere? Is this space really a
void, or can it look like something? If it can look like something,
do I choose what it looks like? (If yes, then I choose a meadow!)
Can I incorporate more truths over time? Do the old truths have a
place here? Do I need to know more than I currently know? Will I
really be happy in this space for the rest of my life? I don't know.
It's a beautiful thing to embrace.
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Teancom's Baptism
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| Pictures for the Program. Tamra's pick. |
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| Teancom's pick. Dad was making him laugh. So cute. |
As you guys know, Teancom struggles with anxiety. It's not everyday, but it surfaces when he's faced with new things. New things are scary. Also scary: Being in front of lots of people. For these two reasons, I was concerned that he wouldn't do well with his baptism.
Oh, and he hasn't historically loved going to church. For real, I pressed him hard on if he really, really wanted to get baptized. If he doesn't want to go to church, maybe he doesn't want to be baptized. We had lots of discussions about this.
But Tank said he wanted to do it, so we went forward with plans. As it came closer, though, I sensed that things weren't awesome for him. He was acting up a little bit (which is also connected, I think, to being 8. Why are all children monsters at this age?), he was avoiding talking about the subject. And then it came time to have an interview with the Bishop. I thought this would be no big deal. He knows the church building. He knows the Bishop. He's been in meetings with him before. What's new about that?
He threw a colossal fit and refused to go to the church building. He didn't know why he didn't want to go (which matches every other Anxiety Zone moment we've had: rationality leaves), but there were lots of tears. He said he did want to get baptized, though, so since a Bishop's interview is required, I ended up coaxing him into going to the church building. Then, during the interview, he sat on my lap and said nothing the entire time. The Bishop asked him how he felt about being baptized, and all he could say was, "I don't know. ... I don't KNOW. ... I DON'T KNOW!" Needless to say, the Bishop is no longer unaware that Tank has anxiety issues. He was very patient, though, and saw through to Tank's heart.
Even after that, Tank cried when we asked him about how he was feeling about his baptism. When he finally opened up about it, he was afraid of being in front of all those people. Rob talked him through how things would go, and he must be magic, because at the end Tank said, "I can do that."
And then he did!
I'm proud of him for not letting fear and anxiety rule his life. Even if it was this one instance, every decision to face and overcome anxiety builds character. He can look back and remember that time he decided he was going to try gymnastics. Then that other time when he chose to get baptized. Then, in the future, there will be that time when he decided to go to college, or go on a mission, or get married. By small and simple things indeed.
We were blessed to have lots of family and friends there to support Teancom. He even had his favorite Primary teacher give a talk on baptism, even though she'd had surgery THAT WEEK! She is amazing and Teancom is lucky to have someone who is so loving and supportive.
It's always lovely, as a parent, to see your children making life choices of great moment. Watching them learn and grow is a pleasure.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
School!
On this, the first day of school, I don't have any pictures for you. Sorry. I'm lame like that. I didn't even wake up to see Miciah off on her first day. Yep.
However, I would like to take a moment and brag on my kids. I try to avoid that, but I'm proud of those kiddos. So if you'd like to indulge me for a second, continue reading. I'll try to keep it brief.
Tank rocks out school. He is a top performer in his class, he knows it and likes it. His 2nd grade teacher said that when the class is misbehaving, he'll sit there quietly and sometimes even roll his eyes. He has told me before that he thinks his class is horribly behaved. What a cocky snot! :) Still, he takes his studies seriously and is ON TOP of doing homework and such. He involves us in the process, and he asks me or Rob to check his work every night because he hates being wrong. (He has a fear of being wrong. I think we've discussed this before.) I worry that later on in his school career he'll burn out early because of all the pressure he puts on himself, but for now he's doing great.
Elijah's 4th grade year was rough. He spent a lot of time blaming his evil math teacher for all his troubles. You'd think she was some old hag with warts, the way he talked about her. I finally, mid-year, called him on his crap. I told him I would no longer accept any excuses for his failures. They were his fault, the end! Tough love. I'm good at tough love. And his Math grade, which had plunged down into the C range, came back up to a solid A- by the end of the year. Not only was Elijah getting better grades in all of his classes, he was proud of himself. He watched his hard work pay off with good grades, and he liked that feeling. There is hope in the world, as it turns out, and he decided he wanted some if it for himself! Way to go, Elijah!
Miciah is a super star. At the end of the school year, apparently one of the other kids in her homeroom class snatched her progress report out of her hands. As the teacher was saying, "Give that back to Miciah," the kid was saying, "THREE 100%'s?! You must be cheating!" Apparently every other kid in the class was like, "She's not cheating." He said, "I know, but still!" :) Miciah succeeds in school because she likes to, and because she works dang hard. No doubt that she's smart, but she works her tail off. She's a serious over-achiever. I mean, I know that Rob and I were both the same sort of student, but she definitely works harder than I did, and her grades reflect that. We lightly tease her about it. She came home with a 102% on a test this last year and we gave her our typical speech of, "Miciah, we're really disappointed that you brought home this kind of score. We expect you to get an F next time." She went back to school and told her teacher what we'd said and the teacher responded with, "Your parents are weird, Miciah. Just kidding, they're awesome." :) Our alternate speech is, "We're really disappointed in this grade. Next time we want to see 120%." Really, Miciah is the awesome one. Often other people will congratulate us about what a good job we're doing with Miciah. I give the same response every time: Miciah is doing a great job with Miciah. We just stay out of her way.
One last brag on Miciah. I know this would embarrass her, but I can't help it. I'm just so proud of her! She took the OAA (Ohio Achievement Assessment) for Math and Reading back at the end of this last school year. They always send home a detailed report about her scores. She's always right at the top of the chart, but this year she TOPPED the chart. Her Reading score was the highest possible. Now, I don't know if that's a true 100% or if the scores are curved, but either way, that girl is on fire.
Okay, that's it. A post about Tank's baptism to come.
However, I would like to take a moment and brag on my kids. I try to avoid that, but I'm proud of those kiddos. So if you'd like to indulge me for a second, continue reading. I'll try to keep it brief.
Tank rocks out school. He is a top performer in his class, he knows it and likes it. His 2nd grade teacher said that when the class is misbehaving, he'll sit there quietly and sometimes even roll his eyes. He has told me before that he thinks his class is horribly behaved. What a cocky snot! :) Still, he takes his studies seriously and is ON TOP of doing homework and such. He involves us in the process, and he asks me or Rob to check his work every night because he hates being wrong. (He has a fear of being wrong. I think we've discussed this before.) I worry that later on in his school career he'll burn out early because of all the pressure he puts on himself, but for now he's doing great.
Elijah's 4th grade year was rough. He spent a lot of time blaming his evil math teacher for all his troubles. You'd think she was some old hag with warts, the way he talked about her. I finally, mid-year, called him on his crap. I told him I would no longer accept any excuses for his failures. They were his fault, the end! Tough love. I'm good at tough love. And his Math grade, which had plunged down into the C range, came back up to a solid A- by the end of the year. Not only was Elijah getting better grades in all of his classes, he was proud of himself. He watched his hard work pay off with good grades, and he liked that feeling. There is hope in the world, as it turns out, and he decided he wanted some if it for himself! Way to go, Elijah!
Miciah is a super star. At the end of the school year, apparently one of the other kids in her homeroom class snatched her progress report out of her hands. As the teacher was saying, "Give that back to Miciah," the kid was saying, "THREE 100%'s?! You must be cheating!" Apparently every other kid in the class was like, "She's not cheating." He said, "I know, but still!" :) Miciah succeeds in school because she likes to, and because she works dang hard. No doubt that she's smart, but she works her tail off. She's a serious over-achiever. I mean, I know that Rob and I were both the same sort of student, but she definitely works harder than I did, and her grades reflect that. We lightly tease her about it. She came home with a 102% on a test this last year and we gave her our typical speech of, "Miciah, we're really disappointed that you brought home this kind of score. We expect you to get an F next time." She went back to school and told her teacher what we'd said and the teacher responded with, "Your parents are weird, Miciah. Just kidding, they're awesome." :) Our alternate speech is, "We're really disappointed in this grade. Next time we want to see 120%." Really, Miciah is the awesome one. Often other people will congratulate us about what a good job we're doing with Miciah. I give the same response every time: Miciah is doing a great job with Miciah. We just stay out of her way.
One last brag on Miciah. I know this would embarrass her, but I can't help it. I'm just so proud of her! She took the OAA (Ohio Achievement Assessment) for Math and Reading back at the end of this last school year. They always send home a detailed report about her scores. She's always right at the top of the chart, but this year she TOPPED the chart. Her Reading score was the highest possible. Now, I don't know if that's a true 100% or if the scores are curved, but either way, that girl is on fire.
Okay, that's it. A post about Tank's baptism to come.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Announcement / Story #3: Stepping Away
Last Announcement / Story in my series.
Announcement: I'm stepping away from the Mormon church. Let's call it "taking a break."
Story: This one is way too complicated for a full story. I don't even have a definitive start time or a single plot line. So I'll skip to just recently.
I have found it difficult lately to reconcile my conscience with the church that I love. Having struggled with this for a very long time, and feeling like my spirituality was hitting rock bottom on a regular basis because of it, I decided that what I needed was some distance. So I gave myself permission to do just that.
It is amazing how freeing this has been. I'm really happy about it and excited to see where this journey will take me. I, myself, am not sure where it ends, I just know I'm happy to be where I'm at. For now, that's enough.
This, I realize, is alarming to some people. I can understand that. This path is new for me and a little scary. It's full of disappointing people that I love and potentially losing friends that I cherish. It's full of what if's and don't know's. But the place where I'm at right now is not a place of loss or fear. It's a place of peace and calm. It's a safe place without conflict. And having found this place for the first time in a long time, I intend to keep it.
I haven't abandoned everything about the Mormon church. It's still there. I'm not certain what I will do with it all. My intention is to go through it all, piece by piece, and decide what to do with it. It won't be a fast process, but I'm hoping that by the end, I'll have figured some new things out about myself and about my Heavenly Father.
Wish me luck!
(Feel free to ask me any questions that you'd like. If it's a personal question, e-mail me or call or come by for a visit. Don't worry that you'll offend. I'm not like that.)
Announcement: I'm stepping away from the Mormon church. Let's call it "taking a break."
Story: This one is way too complicated for a full story. I don't even have a definitive start time or a single plot line. So I'll skip to just recently.
I have found it difficult lately to reconcile my conscience with the church that I love. Having struggled with this for a very long time, and feeling like my spirituality was hitting rock bottom on a regular basis because of it, I decided that what I needed was some distance. So I gave myself permission to do just that.
It is amazing how freeing this has been. I'm really happy about it and excited to see where this journey will take me. I, myself, am not sure where it ends, I just know I'm happy to be where I'm at. For now, that's enough.
This, I realize, is alarming to some people. I can understand that. This path is new for me and a little scary. It's full of disappointing people that I love and potentially losing friends that I cherish. It's full of what if's and don't know's. But the place where I'm at right now is not a place of loss or fear. It's a place of peace and calm. It's a safe place without conflict. And having found this place for the first time in a long time, I intend to keep it.
I haven't abandoned everything about the Mormon church. It's still there. I'm not certain what I will do with it all. My intention is to go through it all, piece by piece, and decide what to do with it. It won't be a fast process, but I'm hoping that by the end, I'll have figured some new things out about myself and about my Heavenly Father.
Wish me luck!
(Feel free to ask me any questions that you'd like. If it's a personal question, e-mail me or call or come by for a visit. Don't worry that you'll offend. I'm not like that.)
California Trip and what now?
This summer has been one of the best of my life. For serious, I have loved it. I worked a little, but mostly didn't. This meant I just hung out with my boys a lot. We took short trips to loved ones' places and enjoyed the heck out of that. We all did Cub Camp. We took the kids back to the museum and the zoo, and went to COSI in Columbus, too. We've just had fun.
Here are some pictures from the Fort Wayne festival thingy that we went to:
I went to California for the first time in years. It's always nice to go see family, and this time I got to love on my sister, Lori's new baby. LOVED IT. We did a bunch of stuff, too, which was fun. We went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, which is amazing. They now have an octopus exhibit which was breath-taking. For real. I would go to an aquarium that ONLY showed octopuses. Beautiful creatures.
I got to see, and have long talks with, almost all of my siblings. Collin, my bestie, and his wife, were there while I was. That was amazing. I got to go jean shopping with Lori (she showed me where to buy more expensive, better quality jeans). We went on walks. We took turns holding the baby. We put together a puzzle. It was blissful. We're all adults now and much nicer to hang around than we were as teenagers and young, stupid 20-somethings.
My favorite place we went to is now a Must See every time we head out to CA: Point Lobos State Reserve. So, so pretty.
The other thing that was going on while I was in CA was less than nice. Before I left, Tank came down with some sickness. He was sick for a few days, seemed to be recovering for a few days right when I left for CA, and then was even sicker for another few days. Rob took him in to the doctor and got him an antibiotic. He still recovered slowly, in terms of getting his energy back.
Then I got a call from Rob saying that he was coming down with something. The next day he called and said he was feeling lousy. The next day he texted and said he had bronchitis. Then he texted a few hours later and said he also had pneumonia in one lung. Ugh! He was on two antibiotics, codine cough syrup, and was rotating Tylenol and Ibuprofin every few hours. Intense.
I got home Tuesday night and instantly was plunged into a very overwhelming state. Rob was still really sick, so I had all the normal things to take care of post-trip, PLUS all the things that didn't get done while he was laid up. It seemed like everywhere I turned someone needed something from me and only me. "Have you done this yet?" No. Not yet. Just repeat "not yet" for everything you're wanting to ask me.
On top of that, we were making preparations for going down to Mammoth Cave for two days as a family. (And with my parents. My parents are at my house right now.) We canceled Rob's tickets. My mom and I were starting to talk about food prep when it became obvious that Elijah was coming down with the same crap. Of course. SO, we scrapped the whole trip and ate the cost of the cabin plus the portion of the tour tickets that couldn't be refunded. Which was fine. I feel like I paid $130 for an extra two days to put my house back in order and take care of my sick boys. Worth it.
But woah. :) It's been nuts.
Rob is now almost back to normal. He's on a business trip in Michigan, and I'm with him. He gets tired too early in the day and has a lingering cough, but that's about all that's left of his sickness. Elijah isn't at 100% either, yet, but he's getting closer everyday. (Seeing Elijah just sitting for hours was bizarre. That kid normally has so much energy. ... The house was really quiet.)
Michigan is beautiful.
Here are some pictures from the Fort Wayne festival thingy that we went to:
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| Rob and Dustin in the hamster balls. It was HILARIOUS to watch. |
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| Checking out the steel drums after the band was done playing. Elijah now wants a set. |
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| The tattoo I plan on getting. |
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| Jellies!!! |
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| Miciah and Dea laying on the ground watching the sardines swim in a big circle. |
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| New jeans, post hemming. I'm short. |
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| The puzzle. Fun, right? It's my family, 2009. |
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| This is Miciah saying, "NO!" She didn't want me to take her picture. |
Then I got a call from Rob saying that he was coming down with something. The next day he called and said he was feeling lousy. The next day he texted and said he had bronchitis. Then he texted a few hours later and said he also had pneumonia in one lung. Ugh! He was on two antibiotics, codine cough syrup, and was rotating Tylenol and Ibuprofin every few hours. Intense.
I got home Tuesday night and instantly was plunged into a very overwhelming state. Rob was still really sick, so I had all the normal things to take care of post-trip, PLUS all the things that didn't get done while he was laid up. It seemed like everywhere I turned someone needed something from me and only me. "Have you done this yet?" No. Not yet. Just repeat "not yet" for everything you're wanting to ask me.
On top of that, we were making preparations for going down to Mammoth Cave for two days as a family. (And with my parents. My parents are at my house right now.) We canceled Rob's tickets. My mom and I were starting to talk about food prep when it became obvious that Elijah was coming down with the same crap. Of course. SO, we scrapped the whole trip and ate the cost of the cabin plus the portion of the tour tickets that couldn't be refunded. Which was fine. I feel like I paid $130 for an extra two days to put my house back in order and take care of my sick boys. Worth it.
But woah. :) It's been nuts.
Rob is now almost back to normal. He's on a business trip in Michigan, and I'm with him. He gets tired too early in the day and has a lingering cough, but that's about all that's left of his sickness. Elijah isn't at 100% either, yet, but he's getting closer everyday. (Seeing Elijah just sitting for hours was bizarre. That kid normally has so much energy. ... The house was really quiet.)
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| Lake Michigan, where Lake Muskegon connects. |
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