What Would You Do with a Pumpkin?

Every year we buy pumpkins just after Halloween when they're on sale for pennies.  This year I told Rob we should buy one for each person in the family and then we'd each decide how to use our pumpkin.  It broke down pretty interestingly.

The Pumpkin Report

Rob - Decided he didn't need one.  0 pumpkins purchased.

Tamra - Mine's in the garden, ready to rot!  Two years ago, quite by lazy accident, we figured out that pumpkins are super fun to watch rot.  So the tradition continues.

Miciah - "Whatever, Mom.  Do whatever you want with it."  Yes!  2 pumpkins rotting in the garden!  (For those of you who are surprised that my craft-crazed daughter didn't do something more fun with it, you should know that we already carved and painted pumpkins.)

Elijah - He baked it.  Made homemade pumpkin pie (with enough pumpkin to make 3 more pies for Thanksgiving!).  By himself.  Then roasted the pumpkin seeds.  And there was enough pumpkin to make a homemade pumpkin soup, too.  The kid likes to cook.

Tank - "Let's burn it!"  Do you know how long it takes a medium-sized pumpkin to "burn" over a fire?  Hours.  And it doesn't even really burn.  Just slowly, slowly, slowly disappears.  He was fascinated.  I was fascinated.  We are pyros.

...

When it was all said and done I couldn't help but feel that this was some sort of Pumpkin Personality Test that I had somehow failed.  But at any rate, the results were fun and worth documenting.

So, what would you do with a pumpkin?

A Love Letter

Dear Mormon Church:

I have loved you.  You were my hope when I was down and out.  My light in dark places.  You were my direction and guide book.  I planned out my future with you in mind.  I took no steps without consulting you.  And man am I glad for it all.  Look at my beautiful family, my amazing husband.  I have a great life, and Mormonism led me to it.  I thank you.  Where would I be without you?

Do you remember when my oldest was baptized?  What a spiritual moment that was.  So much love, support, confidence, and hope.  I was moved to tears while watching her take that huge step of faith, knowing that her faith would lead her on a path of happiness towards God.

Or how about when my husband told me something totally devastating and instead of reacting with fear or anger, I was moved by the Spirit to respond with love and hope.  It was a love beyond description, and I knew it was from God.  I'd read about these things in your scriptures.  I knew what you'd always told me was true.  Here I was experiencing a scripture-worthy moment in real life.  I was changed from that moment on.  

But something happened.  For all the messages of love and hope and enduring to the end, there was one message that I just couldn't figure out.  It seemed not to be a big deal at the time, just a political difference.  I supported gay marriage.  And you told me I shouldn't.  You told me to pray about it, to allow myself to be directed by you as I have been so many times in so many other situations.  I trusted you.  And I did as you asked.  But my prayers weren't leading where you told me they should be.  And still I trusted you.  Still I followed you.

Until I couldn't any more.  My insides were aching.  I stepped away.  It was hard, but I was confident I'd find you on the other side of my journey and we'd have an even stronger relationship then.  We'd understand each other deeper and love each other even more.  How could the end result be anything different?

Do you want to know something crazy?  Maybe it will hurt you, but it's the most honest truth that I know.  When I stepped away from you I found myself.  I became an even better version of myself.  Love was easier for me to find.  Happiness was simpler.  Truth was more obvious.  And I knew then that it was better that you and I keep our distance.

But oh, I have loved you.  Even as I kept coming to more and more realizations about myself and my own mental / emotional / spiritual health, I still honored you.  I held on to what parts I could.  I kept your name and chose to honor the path that has led me to where I am.  My past is with you and you are beautiful.  Nothing can change that.

So it is with deep regret that I remove my name from your records.  Your new policy regarding my LGBT friends is not something I can live with.  For the first time since starting my journey away from you, I actually wished you harm.  I wish harm on no one and nothing, so this was killing my soul.  It came to me in a flash that a simple solution existed:  I no longer needed to be Mormon.  This policy doesn't have to be mine.  You don't have to claim me and I don't have to claim you.  Easy.

And yet, still, I have loved you.  I deeply honor, love, and respect our past together.  But I can no longer continue my future journey with you.  We won't meet up on the other side.  I am waving good bye and moving on.

I wish you well.  I hope that you will find peace on your own journey.  And I hope that you can wish me the same.

Love,

Tamra

I Love My Kids

End of school year update on the kids.

Miciah

Rob and I went to an awards ceremony for 7th grade.  It went for an hour and a half, starting at 7:30 am.  What the what?  I can only say that I'm glad that it wasn't all 3 grades.  Anyways.  A day before this awards shindig, Rob asked Miciah if she was going to win all the awards.  Without any cockiness in her voice, she said, "Probably."

And that's exactly what happened.  She won top academic honors in every single class.  They give out 1 award in each class, and she won every single one:

Advanced English

Advanced Social Studies

Social Studies

Advanced Math

Science 

Orchestra

I've been saying, "I will win all the awards."  And Miciah will say, "I didn't say it like that!"  Too funny.  She really is very humble and sweet.

And then she won a special award that's given to a 7th grade girl in orchestra.  It's given in honor of a young lady who passed away shortly after High School and who went to Miciah's middle school.  The candidate is supposed to be a well-rounded person who is good at her instrument as well as academics and is also a nice, kind, involved human being.  When the orchestra teacher informed us that Miciah would be receiving this award, I said, "Really, it's true.  Miciah is all of that.  She's an amazing human being."

It was fun to hear Miciah honored for all her hard work and achievements.  A few people congratulated us as parents, but we don't do any of it.  Miciah works really hard and is motivated on her own to do what she does.  We just provide the means and give her rides when she needs it.  Then we get out of her way.

...  After the ceremony was over, Miciah and her best friend, Rachel, walked around for a while and Rachel was truly excited for Miciah.  I felt grateful that Miciah has a friend who is so supportive and not jealous or mean.  I asked Rachel is people in their classes get upset that Miciah does so well.  She said, "No.  We all just know that she's going to win."

So, in conclusion:  Way to go, Miciah!  Keep on being awesome.

Elijah

This school year was much easier on and for Elijah than last year.  Actually, I think I could say that for every school year we've had to date.  Elijah is having an easier time figuring out himself, school, teachers, friends, and his place in all of it.

He got some very positive feedback this year from many of his teachers.  He was chosen as Student of the Week several times (it's a once a year thing per class, but several teachers chose him).  Elijah grooves on positive feedback, so he ate it up!  He also just in general seems to be getting the idea that if he follows the class room rules he'll get rewarded, and he likes those rewards.  And we're talking rules like Do your homework and Listen to the teacher.  That's hard stuff when you've already got it all figured out!

He also rocked out a piano piece that he composed himself and submitted to 2 separate competitions. The first competition was one where he had to not only play the piece but also commit it to paper.  It took quite a bit of work and time, but having it written out was well worth it.  The second competition was PTA Reflections, where he was probably one of like 3 kids who submitted a music composition.  Anyway, his piece won at the State level, and he got some awards and a congratulatory free lunch in Columbus for all his hard work. 

You can check out his piece on youtube.

He also worked really hard on a few pieces for the big piano recital that they do every year.  I'll post the links to those when they get uploaded by the teacher.  He didn't compose those ones.  :)  But he is working on another composition.  He works on them for hours at a time over months and months, getting them just how he wants them.  Hence why we love our digital piano with head phones.  I'm a much more supportive mother when I can say, "That sounds great, Elijah.  Now please use the headphones."

Teancom

Tank is a sweet kid who can't do poorly in class to save his life.  He is a People Pleaser and he can't handle it if he doesn't make things right.  (Seriously, I worry about this.  It's a great trait, but it can be a lot of pressure when you want the world to be happy and feel obligated to take care of that single-handedly.  I am not a people pleaser by any means, but I'm married to one.  There are some serious downsides, trust me.)  As a result, his performance at school is top notch.

He has a take home folder that he brings home every Monday.  Maybe I've said this before, but it warrants saying again anyway.  He brings home papers, homework, tests, the like, and we have to look them over and then sign his folder saying that we've seen everything.  Well, all on his own, he organized the folder into two sections:  Good Grades and Bad Grades.  What really kills me, though, is that Good Grades was ONLY 100%.  Everything else, even if it's 99%, is a Bad Grade.  When I found out that he was doing that, I talked with him and told him that everything he brings home is a good grade (because that's true.  There was never anything below 90%).  He finally stopped calling them bad grades, but I couldn't convince him to stop separating the papers out like that.  ...  Crazy.

He also worked really hard on piano and did an awesome job performing his pieces in front of a large crowd.  I'm proud of him cause I know it's particularly tough for him to do that.

This year he was also in Student Council and seemed to love that.  He told him he's going to try for it again next year.  He's a good fit for it because he's very well liked (did I mention that he's a People Pleaser?) and is kind and sweet to everyone.  

Oh!  I found out that the kids in his grade have been calling him Tinkerbell because he's so small.  I asked Tank if he liked that.  His response just killed me, and it's classic Tank:  "No, I don't like it.  I told them that if they really want to call me that, call me Tankerbell instead."  Love it!  I think it just says so much about Tank and who he is.

And now it's time for summer!  I'm loving my extra time with these 3 awesome kids.

Mormonism and Me, an Extended Separation

I announced on this blog back in, what, August 2014 that I was taking a break from the Mormon church.  I had intended, after some time, to put the pieces back together and "figure things out."  However, shortly after that break, I had a complete paradigm shift and my religious life was changed forever.  I think it has changed for the better, but I know not everyone agrees with me.  And that's okay.  We don't all have to agree to get along.  Right?!  ("Right," I answer myself, imaging a friendly, upbeat world.)

I have just a few things to say about this.  Nothing scathing.  Just a few honest, vulnerable things that I want to put out there.

1 - In early 2009 I started a second blog called Random Tamra.  I probably never said why, but the reason why is because of a Facebook post back in 2008.  I publicly declared in that post that I was pro-LGBT rights, and specifically pro-gay marriage.  I said in this post that I wasn't going to be afraid of saying that out loud.  That I believe the world is made up of people who deep down want to get along with each other and I don't want to be afraid anyway, so I'm saying what I believe.  And I got some pretty great FB responses to that, from religious and non-religious people alike.

I also got called into the Bishop's office for it.  It was a terrible experience, even though the meeting itself went well, and it messed with my religious life for about a year.  Before I'd been called in, Rob was called in and told to "talk to his wife" to try to bring me in line.  Rob said two things to the Stake guy delivering that message to him:  1 - Tamra wouldn't appreciate this meeting we're having right now.  She'd find it very insulting.  And 2 - YOU try bringing my wife in line.  Ha!

So I decided, fine, I guess my life DOES need to be segmented.  I guess I DO need to be a little afraid.  I guess we can't live and let live.  And I started a separate blog where I could write whatever I wanted.

For a while that was perfect.  That separation made me feel safe.

But those days are gone.  I refuse to even pretend there is a separation.  I either have something to say about a topic, or I don't.  I either want to say that thing publicly, or I don't.  At this point being called into the Bishop's office isn't a worry that I have.  What would he say to me anyway?  "Tamra, I already knew everything that just got reported to me..."  :)  And what would I say to him?  "Yep."

I will no longer be afraid.  THIS IS MY VOICE.

2 - My "break" from Mormonism is going to be extended indefinitely.  I have no intention of picking it back up in a practicing religion sort of way.  It wasn't making me happy when I was in the middle of it.  I've found peace and love without it in my head, and I'm happy to stand where I am.  And where is that exactly?  Nowhere in particular.  It's a floating sort of place with more grounding than it seems possible to explain.  I'm fond of singing part the popular song in reverse order, "I once was found, but now I'm lost."  :)

I like it out here.

3 - I'm done at BYU - dropping out yet again.  Even thinking about continuing with my on-line bachelor's degree while all this religious change has been going on inside me, even THINKING about that has been wearing me down.  So I'm done with it.  It's a little sad, but not really.  I'm happy to put it behind me.

4 - I am grateful to the people who have made this journey with me and haven't insisted that this be a simple, black and white issue.  It's been hard for everyone, including me.  It's harder when I get negative feedback that insists I'm a lousy person because I've had an experience that someone else hasn't had.

5 - I still intend to attend church on a somewhat regular (but not every week) basis.  I like to imagine a world where we love and accept others because that's what we want to do.  So that's my little claim:  That I can show up to a place where I belong, where I can love others and be loved.  That it doesn't matter what I do and don't believe.  That it doesn't matter if I am or am not fill-in-the-blank.  I can still belong here.  With the people I love.  That there is strength to be had in our differences.  That I can build you up and you can build me up, and that process doesn't have to center on what we do and don't believe.  That we can respect and love, and maybe someday understand each other, without focusing so much on rigid belief structures.

I'd like this place I envision to be in the Mormon church still.  My family has figured out how to exist in this space.  It's not easy sometimes.  But it's possible.  And it's my dream for Mormonism.  Someday that dream may have to end.  But as of today, I'm holding on to it!  It's a dream worth dreaming.


Love to you all!

Basement Pictures - Family Room

Family Room

The gem of the basement is the Family Room.  This is where we watch movies, where the kids play, where art is done, and just our general media gathering spot.  Upstairs is non-TV space (though with laptops and Netflix, any and every space can be TV space), so the basement is where Loud happens.

Before, as Miciah's room / craft room:

When we first moved in, this was a woodworking room.  We cleaned layers and layers of sawdust from the walls (and the guy who did the woodworking died years before we bought the house!).  For quite a few years it was a grab bag sort of room.  We put a desk in in for a while.  It was a project-type of room where we stored lots of random stuff.  

Then we put a bed in it and pretended it was a bedroom.  For a few more years my uncle slept there during weekdays and all three kids were upstairs.  In a life-changing moment that ended up being really good timing, even though I was heartbroken about it, my uncle was let go and Miciah moved down to the basement to take over this space as her own.

I showed Miciah this picture when I was prepping for this post and she said, "Oh my gosh.  I used to live in that?!"  Yep.  I asked her if her new room was better and she gave me that teenage incredulous face and said, "Uh, yeah."  Which is kinda funny cause when we told the kids we were going to re-do the basement, and we told Miciah that she would have less space and very little storage, she was mad!  We didn't let it stop us, obviously, and we told her lots of times, "Just wait.  It'll be awesome.  Really."  

During tear-down:

During construction:

This picture is from the bottom of the stairs, looking into Miciah's doorway and the boys' doorway (behind the pole). And this is the other pink pole.  This one didn't have a place to go between walls or anything.  I kinda wanted to leave it as a pole, but they convinced me to cover it with a column.  I'm really happy with how that turned out.

This is looking into the room itself from the "hallway" portion of the room.  It's all one big open space, of course, but the layout lends itself to two separate sections: hallway and room.

Now, as the fully realized Family Room:

From the bottom of the stairs looking at Miciah's room (door on the left) and the boys' room (behind the pole).  Entrance to the laundry space is in the front left of the picture:

From the bottom of the stairs looking into the Family Room space.  Art table, covered in kid stuff, in the bottom right corner:

From Miciah's room looking into the Family Room space:

From the boys' room looking towards the stairs:

There are still a few things about the Family Room that I'm not in love with.  The couch will be replaced soon, for instance.  And I'm not in love with the game and toy storage that we have going on.  It's just old bins and the wardrobe from Miciah's old room.  Not ideal, but workable until I care to figure out a better solution.  

Basement Pictures - the Boys' Room

The Boys' Room

Even though the dimensions aren't the same, the boys' room is now where the toy room used to be.  I posted this diagram of the old and new layouts, so you might want to reference that again to get a good feel for the spaces I'm talking about.

Before, as the toy room:

Oh, oh!  You can see the ducky shower curtain in the second picture!  See?!  Isn't it great?!

Anyways, the toy room, as you can tell, was kind of a grab bag of stuff.  It worked well for our needs at the time and the kids loved playing down there.

During tear-down:

The basement had 2 pink poles (the previous owners loved pink) that were covered by really thick walls.  Apparently the previous owners also had a thing for do-it-yourself concrete walls that weren't properly secured to anything.  Those crew guys are tearing out the concrete wall in this picture.  Anyways, in the new plan, this pink pole went into the framing between the kids' rooms.

Also, in this picture, the back wood paneled wall is the wall between the toy room and Miciah's old room.

That same wall without the wood paneling, but with the wood framing.

During construction:

 The wood framing you see is the doorway to the boys' room.  The rest of the framing is that metal stuff.

This is the corner of their room and the outline of their closet.

The window in their room was cut from nothing.  Here it is, half cut out:

This is the picture I told you about where you can see the I-beams added to support our bowed wall.  They're the darker beams, not the metal framing for the walls.

 All the way cut out!

Window fully installed, with dry wall up.

This is the pile of dirt that was created from digging out the window well.

A side story:  This window caused us some grief.  When the basement was water-proofed, they didn't do the drainage on this side of the house because we told them that a window was going to be installed.  They said they'd come back after the window was done and finish the job.  No problem.  Or so we thought.  It turns out that they had to do a bunch of other work that they hadn't mentioned before, and blah blah blah.  They started doing some of the remaining work but didn't finish it.  In the meantime, it started raining.  A lot.  And the drainage wasn't fully connected all the way around the house.  This meant that nearly ALL of the water was draining into newly-dug window well outside Miciah's room.

Rob called them and they, of course, could do nothing for us.  SO many phone calls.  But we still had to fix the water issue.  All that new work, and we didn't want to have water rushing into our basement.  So Rob was out there, in the pouring rain, digging a trench from her window well out into the yard, just to give the water a lower spot to drain into.  Then we rallied one of our neighbors who said he had a pump.  Rob hooked up this pump to siphen off the water when it got too high and literally SHOOT it into the backyard.  One night it was driving rain all night and Rob had to go out there twice to make sure no water came into the house.

The whole thing was ridiculous and cost us (but mainly Rob) a lot of time and headache.  The plus side is that 1- they fixed it all up in the end and 2- they gave us our service contract for free indefinitely (a $75/year value).  We got gyped on that deal, for sure, but hey, our basement is now dry and we've nearly forgotten all about that horrendous rain storm where one or both of us were perpetually covered in mud.  Distant memory.

The closet getting dry walled.

Now:

Again, the closet doors had come off.  They're now back on - thanks, Rob!  The boys never keep the doors closed anyways.  They also never keep their closet organized.  This drives me batty, but it's not my room, so I don't care too much.  In fact, the level of dirty captured in these pictures is about average for them.

The space works great for a bunk bed.  When they're bigger, if they no longer want a bunk bed, we're going to have to figure something else out that's better.  ...  Or just make them keep their bunk beds until they move out at 18.  Hmm...

Their room has not been problem-solved yet, in terms of furniture and storage.  My guess is that we will do some of that this summer.

Basement Pictures - Miciah's room

Miciah's Room

Before, Miciah's room was part of the large laundry area.  But part of it was a food storage nook with lots of shelves.  We loved it for that and it worked really well.  But to create enough space for 2 bedrooms and a bathroom, it had to go.  We don't have any real Before pictures (I don't think).  Though I wish I did, cause we put a shower curtain up as a divider/door into the storage room.  A ducky shower curtain.  I loved it.

During the tear-out phase:

 You can tell from these two pictures that it wasn't a very wide space.  Maybe like a large closet. Initially I thought it might work as a closet space for a bedroom, but ... nope.

This is looking into the same space, but with the walls gone.  And if the wall looks bowed to you, it is.  No camera trick.  That's why we water-proofed our basement.  We weren't a fan of that wall eventually caving in.  After this picture was taken, they came back and installed 3 I-beams to brace the wall.  I don't know why we didn't take pictures of that.  Though the beams do show up in a later picture of the boys' room during construction, so you'll be able to see them.

During construction:

Miciah's room had a window in it, but a tiny one.  This one is big enough that she can crawl out of it if there was a fire.  Window well and window size are all according to code, so these could be counted as actual bedrooms if they weren't, you know, in the basement where no one cares.  :)  Rob insisted on the windows, which were about $1,000 a pop (one in Miciah's room and one in Elijah's room).  He was right, they really make the space livable, nice, and safe.

Now:

Not sure if you can tell from this picture how crazy the slope is.  I mean, *I* think it looks like it slopes up in the back corner, but maybe that's because I already know it does.  Anyways, Miciah also is now the lucky one who gets to sleep on a queen sized bed.  We bought it this year so when a couple comes to stay, we can kick Miciah up to the office and the couple can sleep on her queen.  It's worked pretty well so far.

 The closet door had fallen off and it's tucked away by the entrance to her room.  It's now fixed - thanks, Rob!  Her closet also has a nice storage system inside it.  It's pretty nifty.

This is Miciah's sewing/craft area.  When I post pictures of the family room, you'll see her old room and the intense amounts of crafting space she used to have.  This is a MASSIVE downsize for her.  But it's reasonable now and she's happy with the amount of space she has.

Also, soon I'll be working with Miciah on her room.  She has too much stuff in it.  Too much furniture.  A filing cabinet, a dresser, a sewing table, a small bookshelf and a large bookshelf...  Some of it's gotta go.  She agrees, we just haven't tackled it yet.