Elijah, Our Stress Indicator

A number of years ago I noticed that Miciah was a very accurate Stress Indicator for our family, particularly me.  This is probably because, despite how she can get on my nerves, the two of us are a lot alike.  But possibly her age was also a factor, because I've started noticing that Elijah is now our Stress Indicator.  But he's a better Rob's Stress Indicator, and that's probably because, despite how Elijah can get on Rob's nerves, the two of them are a lot alike.

Case 1

Rob's been working Tuesday and Thursday nights (what, am I a broken record?  How often do I mention this?!), and with the holidays upon us, the last few weeks of that schedule were really rough.  As we talked about career moves for the next year, and ideas for the years to come, Rob was talking about holding multiple jobs at the same time, and the possibility of me getting a job, in case blah blah blah, or whatever.  These are all just ideas floating out there, to be considered in case we need to use them at a later time.

The whole idea of me working a part-time job, however, was settled for me one night when Elijah said, "Mom?  If you had a class, too, then who would put me to bed?"
I explained that if Daddy was gone at night, we would make sure I was home, and vice versa.
"Yeah, but, if you DID have a class, then who would put me to bed?"

Later that night, Rob was talking about maxing out our family's stress levels and jokingly said, "If someone else needs to get a job, it's got to be you."

I almost yelled at him.  "NO.  I can NOT get a job.  OUR SON JUST ASKED WHO WOULD PUT HIM TO BED IF I HAD A JOB, TOO!"

I have contemplated Elijah's comment and let it be a stand-alone incident until yesterday when another conversation took place over the dinner table.

Case 2

Elijah asked me what would happen if we didn't live together as a family any more.  He worded it funny, but I knew what he was referring to.  The other day I'd had to explain to Miciah that someone she likes very much isn't a part of our lives any more because he and his wife were divorced now.  Miciah said she knew what divorce was, but Elijah didn't, so I explained it like, "Sometimes two people decide they don't want to be married any more, and then they don't live together as a family any more."  A simple explanation, and a simplified one, but I'm hoping my kids won't have any reason to need it explained more fully. 

So when he wanted to know about when we didn't live together as a family any more, I knew he was talking about if Mommy and Daddy got divorced.  I didn't know what to say about that.  I told him that, of course, we weren't getting divorced, and we were still going to live together as a family.

Strangely, Elijah was almost disappointed about this.  It turns out that he wanted to live with just Mommy and Miciah and Teancom because "Daddy is mean."  Usually it's both Mom AND Dad who are mean, according to Elijah, and it's always because we spank him and put him in time outs.  We do in fact do both of those things.  But not often.  I guess it just leaves a big impression.

But last night, it was only Daddy who was mean.  I pressed Elijah on it a little.
"Daddy's not mean."
"Yes, he is."
"But you still would want him to live with us."
"No."
"Really?  You'd rather him not come home ever again because he sometimes gives you spankings?"
At this point Elijah started to cry.
And I didn't know what to say.

Rob did what a good daddy would do and took him in the back room and sat him on his lap and talked to him.  What it came down to is that Elijah wants Rob to play with him more.  Rob said, "I can do that."


With 2 fairly profound, non-isolated comments under our belt, I realized that Elijah is now our Stress Indicator.  It's amazing to me how accurate, and how blunt--how painful sometimes--children can be at interpreting and re-presenting our stresses.

I feel confident, however, that with a little time and effort, Elijah will once again want Rob to be a part of our family.  Because Rob's a good guy.  A good husband and a good father.

I wish Stress Indicators came as a kit.  "Buy this gadget and it'll measure your stress levels."  It seems unfair for children to do that kind of dirty work.

(On a somewhat unrelated note, but still down the same alley, Elijah was drawing a picture of our family.  Sort of.  It included like 10 people and there was a baby in my tummy.  No, that is not an announcement.  I told Elijah there wasn't really a baby in my tummy and he said, "I know.  It's just pretend."  

Then he kept drawing and started doing the details on my face.  He gave me very angry slanty eyebrows and an equally angry zig-zag mouth.  Elijah said, "Mom, do you know why you're mad in this picture?"  No, I said.  "Because the baby in your belly hasn't come out yet."  Accurate.  Very accurate.)