So why not a blog post, eh?! I've already read books for 3 hours, listened to podcasts for 2 hours, and stared at the fish tank for another half hour. (We have an aquatic frog now. He's really cute.)
Church Practice Time
Tank's trying our patience when it comes to church attendance. Here's my feeling on it: He'll grow out of it. I figure the less of a deal I make of the whole thing, the better off we'll all be.
But I'm starting to feel like nothing we're trying is working at all, and we've tried lots of things. We came to the conclusion, as parents, that it's because Tank isn't forced to do enough hard things. He does plenty of chores and such, but most of those things he just does happily. So our new approach has been started today: Church Practice Time.
When we were at BYU and Miciah was a toddler, it was suggested by the Stake President's wife that we all do Church Practice Time (or whatever she called it) with our kids. It meant sitting quietly on the couch every day for an hour and 10 minutes. Doing nothing. Nothing at all. Just sitting with arms folded.
That sounded barbaric to me. Why would you do that to a toddler?! Plus, who has the time? What a waste. So we didn't do it. And our kids made it just fine.
Our version is like this: It's half an hour. Tank can do anything that he's allowed to do during sacrament meeting: color in a coloring book, read a church book quietly, or draw in a notebook. (No, we don't allow toys. Don't get me started. No, we don't allow his blankie. He's almost 6. No, he can't have a snack.)
We aren't tying it to a reward or punishment system. The idea is that every Sunday for the rest of Tank's life, until he's out of our house, he'll be attending church. Which means tolerating sacrament meeting is a skill he needs to learn. Hence Church Practice Time. When he starts behaving appropriately through sacrament meeting, we'll assume that he's learned this skill and cancel practice. If he starts behaving worse, we'll assume he needs more practice time, and we'll extend the half hour.
I'm the meanest mom. I think we spent more time on the couch today with him SCREAMING at me before Practice Time even started than the actual length of Practice. (I seriously shut the window so the neighbors wouldn't think he was dying and call the police.)
So it goes.
The Watering Can
Just to highlight the cute, nice, happy little Tank that he usually is, here's a good little story.
We were playing at Parky's Farm in the garden area. They have a water trough and several watering cans that the kids can fill up as many times as they want and then water select plants. There was a bucket where the watering cans were kept, and 2 watering cans were sitting in the lawn, about 15 feet away from the bucket. As we were leaving, I noticed them and said, "Oh, two watering cans."
We were coming back to this same area again, so I made a mental note to ask Tank to pick them up when we came back through in a few minutes. I kept on walking and when I turned to see where Tank was, I felt a small ping of pride when I discovered him picking up those watering cans and putting them back in the right place. Without me asking. And without him needing to - since he wasn't the one who left them there in the first place.
Sometimes kids are pretty cool.
...
I take no credit for this. My kids are who they are, pretty much despite me as a mother. I don't think I'm a bad mom, I just know I didn't create their personalities, and I'm highly unlikely to change them. Behavior modification I can work on - hence Church Practice Time - but am I likely to change Tank's attitude towards church? No.
And what a relief, right? I can barely handle my own attitudes, let alone 3 other little people's. :) Some day we'll all be adults and so long as I've loved them, and treated them well, I assume we'll all be friends then.
Maybe then Tank will thank me for Church Practice Time. ...
1 comment:
When I was young my parents would have us sit in our fancy hard dining chairs for thirty minutes whenever we misbehaved during sacrament. (I would like to report that I was very young, but that would be laughable). Anywho, I realized later that what my parents had taught me was that there are times when you just have to sit, and be still. This has helped me when I am trying to receive answers to prayers, communicate with my spouse and sitting in waiting rooms. Perhaps Tank's issues are less about church and more about sitting and being still. Regardless, more children (and adults) would be better people if they learned to sit and be content with just sitting.
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