I'm not going to say that the time has flown by, because it hasn't. I don't even understand when people say that. When my kids were babies, people would tell me, "The time goes so quickly." I would always think, "Like hell it does."
There's an interesting thought here about our perception of the passage of time. Sometimes it does feel like it goes by quickly, and sometimes it feels like it goes by slowly. Still, isn't this what we expect of time? Sometimes it feels different, even from moment to moment? So that's not something to be wowed about later and wonder how it suddenly is 2012 instead of 2002.
I guess I just have very few expectations of time. 10 years feels like 10 years should feel, I suppose. How ELSE would 10 years feel? Same with my age. I feel 31. Because I am 31. How ELSE should 31 feel if not just like this?
Anyways, the last 5 weeks have been nice and hard and interesting. I don't think the kids will ever be gone from us for 6 weeks straight, so this is a unique experience.
This last week has gone much more smoothly. I passed through the darkest point, my breaking point if I was going to break, and so this week was just increasing levels of light and goodness. Excellent. One of my friends at school was talking about how stressed she was. I just shrugged and said, "That was my last week. This week it's all good." I don't do stress. It's normally a feeling I reject. Like shame and guilt. Why bother with them? Which should explain why that week was so hard for me. I normally kick stress out the door before he enters, and suddenly he was hanging out in my living room.
There's only one week left until the kids are back. It feels so manageable. Only 1 week. That's not too long to wait. I called and talked to the kids and Tank said, "I can't wait to come home." I smiled and said that it wouldn't be too long. And he got pretty adamant: "No. I CAN'T WAIT to come home!" It was cute and made me just want to hug that little guy.
On the positive side: I think I won't flunk all of my classes this term. I won't get all A's, which is normally what I expect of myself, but that's okay. Passing is good, too. Also, I have racked up 60 hours of Practicum in the last 5 weeks and am on track to have right around 80 by the time the term ends. Because of the specialness of this term, that'll translate to 100 hours. That gives me a full 50 extra hours to cushion my last 2 semesters of Practicum. Sa-weet!
Showing posts with label 40 Days. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 40 Days. Show all posts
Friday, July 27, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
Depression Avoided
It's been a long time since I've wondered if I should be on medication. This last week was a blast from the past, then. On Friday I decided that it probably wasn't worth it to spiral into a deep and dark depression, and things have been better since.
Here's where I am in my 40 day journey:
I MISS MY KIDS!
And there's really no avoiding that now. Rob likes to kind of chuckle about that, when he tells people that I miss them more than he does. "She's around them more," he'll explain. Well, it's really not cool any more. I still like the quiet. I still like being able to be with Rob and talk about anything we want any time we want. We can do anything. We have ... time and money and ... time. It's awesome. But it's NOT MY LIFE.
As I've thought about what made this last week so terrible, I've come to a few conclusions. And let this be a lesson to all of you. My kids are gone for the summer, and I'm taking crazy amounts of classes at school, and I'm not attending my normal church meetings, and I don't have time because of the school work so I'm disconnected from my friends. Do you notice a theme there? DISCONNECTION. ISOLATION. Self-imposed. What was I thinking?
To top it off, on Wednesday I sat down with Rob to talk about my Interpreting Philosophy Statement, which I don't actually have. I wrote out what I came up with, which wasn't much, and Rob kept pressing me on WHY. WHY am I going to school for interpreting? Why, why, why, why, why? Okay, fine! I'm going to school because otherwise I'd be sitting at home doing nothing with my life, reading books and making you dinner! Thank you for pointing out how pathetic I am! ... I cried myself to sleep. No joke.
I talked with several people in the ITP program and they told me that I shouldn't feel pressured to come up with a why (which is funny, because people in the program keep telling me I should come up with a why!). That it'll come in time. Instead of interpreting during one of my practicum sites, I sat in the back of the room with my mentor and a few students and vented about how I don't have a why for being here, which means my kids are gone FOR NO REASON. They all agreed that I shouldn't quit school, and I thanked them for being my unpaid counselors. ... I called one of my best friends that night and begged to come over. Yes, I was that pathetic about it. Friday I didn't do any homework, and I napped for 2 hours. It was a bad week.
And then there started to be light. I hung out with some friends. Watched some movies. Relaxed. One of my teachers realized she'd been over-assigning homework and declared us done with homework for the rest of the term (praises be!). I made good progress on the ridiculous amounts of homework I have for one of my other classes. And it came to me clear as day why I'm in school anyway: Because I want to be. And that's good enough for now.
So depression was avoided, just barely. ... My kids have plane tickets to come home. Saturday, August 4th (day 44). I don't know who's more excited: me or them.
Here's where I am in my 40 day journey:
I MISS MY KIDS!
And there's really no avoiding that now. Rob likes to kind of chuckle about that, when he tells people that I miss them more than he does. "She's around them more," he'll explain. Well, it's really not cool any more. I still like the quiet. I still like being able to be with Rob and talk about anything we want any time we want. We can do anything. We have ... time and money and ... time. It's awesome. But it's NOT MY LIFE.
As I've thought about what made this last week so terrible, I've come to a few conclusions. And let this be a lesson to all of you. My kids are gone for the summer, and I'm taking crazy amounts of classes at school, and I'm not attending my normal church meetings, and I don't have time because of the school work so I'm disconnected from my friends. Do you notice a theme there? DISCONNECTION. ISOLATION. Self-imposed. What was I thinking?
To top it off, on Wednesday I sat down with Rob to talk about my Interpreting Philosophy Statement, which I don't actually have. I wrote out what I came up with, which wasn't much, and Rob kept pressing me on WHY. WHY am I going to school for interpreting? Why, why, why, why, why? Okay, fine! I'm going to school because otherwise I'd be sitting at home doing nothing with my life, reading books and making you dinner! Thank you for pointing out how pathetic I am! ... I cried myself to sleep. No joke.
I talked with several people in the ITP program and they told me that I shouldn't feel pressured to come up with a why (which is funny, because people in the program keep telling me I should come up with a why!). That it'll come in time. Instead of interpreting during one of my practicum sites, I sat in the back of the room with my mentor and a few students and vented about how I don't have a why for being here, which means my kids are gone FOR NO REASON. They all agreed that I shouldn't quit school, and I thanked them for being my unpaid counselors. ... I called one of my best friends that night and begged to come over. Yes, I was that pathetic about it. Friday I didn't do any homework, and I napped for 2 hours. It was a bad week.
And then there started to be light. I hung out with some friends. Watched some movies. Relaxed. One of my teachers realized she'd been over-assigning homework and declared us done with homework for the rest of the term (praises be!). I made good progress on the ridiculous amounts of homework I have for one of my other classes. And it came to me clear as day why I'm in school anyway: Because I want to be. And that's good enough for now.
So depression was avoided, just barely. ... My kids have plane tickets to come home. Saturday, August 4th (day 44). I don't know who's more excited: me or them.
Friday, July 13, 2012
This Week (Days 18 - 22)
This week was rough.
The kids seem to be settling in at my parents' house. They're having fun and they're able to play outside, which is something they wouldn't have been able to do here for about 2 weeks straight. It's been so ridiculously hot. The kids are excited to talk to us on the phone, but they're also not complaining about Grandma's rules any more (my mom is adorable and kind, but she can be strict about her rules!), and they don't sound home sick.
Here, I was falling apart a little. Things seemed very overwhelming. One of my classes has a lot of homework and projects, and I was trying to get them done and not accomplishing as much as I wanted to, and feeling like this whole term was a mistake, and wanting a hug. And one particularly bad day, I just wanted a hug from my kids.
On that same day, we got a package in the mail from them. They made us little gifts. One is a key chain that Miciah made that I fashioned into a bracelet. Some hot pads that they weaved. And a little rainbow-colored peace sign that Tank made all by himself (he was quick to point out). I tore open the package, put the bracelet on, read their notes, and cried.
I decided that I probably shouldn't drop out of all my classes. Rob and I went out for ice cream and talked and it was nice. And the next day, the world was a more inviting place. A place that I might just be able to navigate successfully.
It's 3 weeks in, and I now officially miss my kids.
The kids seem to be settling in at my parents' house. They're having fun and they're able to play outside, which is something they wouldn't have been able to do here for about 2 weeks straight. It's been so ridiculously hot. The kids are excited to talk to us on the phone, but they're also not complaining about Grandma's rules any more (my mom is adorable and kind, but she can be strict about her rules!), and they don't sound home sick.
Here, I was falling apart a little. Things seemed very overwhelming. One of my classes has a lot of homework and projects, and I was trying to get them done and not accomplishing as much as I wanted to, and feeling like this whole term was a mistake, and wanting a hug. And one particularly bad day, I just wanted a hug from my kids.
On that same day, we got a package in the mail from them. They made us little gifts. One is a key chain that Miciah made that I fashioned into a bracelet. Some hot pads that they weaved. And a little rainbow-colored peace sign that Tank made all by himself (he was quick to point out). I tore open the package, put the bracelet on, read their notes, and cried.
I decided that I probably shouldn't drop out of all my classes. Rob and I went out for ice cream and talked and it was nice. And the next day, the world was a more inviting place. A place that I might just be able to navigate successfully.
It's 3 weeks in, and I now officially miss my kids.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
An Overhaul
Elijah called us last night SO EXCITED to tell us all about how he was going to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 4. He must have talked about that topic for at least 15 minutes. Too cute. Elijah is normally not our chatty child, so it's funny to hear him go on and on when he's talking to us on the phone. I thought, "Ah, finally he misses us."
Day 17
Today Rob and I braved the over-100-degree heat and cleaned out our garage. We assembled 3 shelves and moved everything that had been on the floor onto those shelves. Then we bought a bike rack to keep our bikes under control. We also got rid of some stuff. And we drank an entire gallon of Crystal Light.
(Okay, so one of those pictures isn't actually our garage. I bet you can't guess which one! (Hint: Look for the 3 shelves and lined-up bikes. Also, look for the garage.) For fun, you can do an image search for messy. You'll probably end up feeling better about your own not-as-messy-as-their-house house.)
About 2 months ago we cleaned out the shed and put all of that stuff into the garage to give the kids a completely-empty Spy Club. This wasn't my idea. But when I got home from school, Rob informed me that all the stuff now fit in the garage. He lied. About a week later we had a talk that went something like, "You better take care of this or else." So we finally did take care of it, and it's lovely.
The End
Day 17
Today Rob and I braved the over-100-degree heat and cleaned out our garage. We assembled 3 shelves and moved everything that had been on the floor onto those shelves. Then we bought a bike rack to keep our bikes under control. We also got rid of some stuff. And we drank an entire gallon of Crystal Light.
Before
After
(Okay, so one of those pictures isn't actually our garage. I bet you can't guess which one! (Hint: Look for the 3 shelves and lined-up bikes. Also, look for the garage.) For fun, you can do an image search for messy. You'll probably end up feeling better about your own not-as-messy-as-their-house house.)
About 2 months ago we cleaned out the shed and put all of that stuff into the garage to give the kids a completely-empty Spy Club. This wasn't my idea. But when I got home from school, Rob informed me that all the stuff now fit in the garage. He lied. About a week later we had a talk that went something like, "You better take care of this or else." So we finally did take care of it, and it's lovely.
The End
Friday, July 6, 2012
What a Week! (Days 11 - 16)
I do miss Rob and I kids, I promise. For instance, last night I had a dream that Elijah was a toddler again and he'd been with another caregiver for so long that he was sobbing when he realized he had to come home and stay with me again! Wow. Hurt my little mom heart.
I'm not an overly sentimental person, which I'm sure is shocking information. But I am at the same time fiercely loyal to my family. They are mine and I am theirs and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I skyped with the kids some time on Sunday, and when Tank realized that Rob wouldn't be on the call because he was up in Toledo, he got really angry and sad. It was ADORABLE to see. I made sure that the next time we skyped I showed up with Rob.
(Also, I told my 4-year-old niece that I wanted Rob to catch the rabbit in our backyard - and her face lit up - so that we could cook it and eat it - and she looked like she was going to cry. Totally awesome.)
Day 12
I would say that I marginally missed Rob while he was at his parents' house. I probably would have missed him more had some stressful thing happened while he was gone. But it was just ... quiet here. And I liked it.
I went to school on Monday night. My first tokening experience. I know I haven't explained Practicum super well, but it's not a hard concept. It's where I start doing some interpreting without it affecting people's lives. So my bad interpretations won't hurt anyone. Token interpreting is where I sit in the back on the classroom with other interpreting students and interpret from English into ASL while a mentor (who is a professional interpreter) stares at us and takes notes of our strengths and weaknesses (mostly weaknesses at this point, let's be honest).
It seemed like it would be really stressful, but it wasn't. It was AWESOME! And I wish I could do it every day for 3 hours for the next year. Oh, wait. That's pretty much what I WILL be doing. This is what School Heaven is like.
Day 13
Travelled up to Toledo by myself, which was more tiring than I would have supposed. Then I gave a talk at my niece's baptism (why she chose me, I don't know. Why anyone chooses me for anything, I don't know), and that went well enough. I also was asked to sign a song, which is a MILLION times better than singing a solo.
Ate the first tomato from our garden (I brought it up to Toledo and shared it with Rob). Heaven.
We watched fireworks with Rob's family. Not crazy about fireworks, honestly. Not too crazy about the 4th of July in general. Actually, I guess I'm just not crazy about most holidays period.
Day 14
We came back home and crashed. We didn't unpack the car, because it was full of STUFF. Not the normal stuff, like a bag and a toothbrush, either. Bikes and a mini-trampoline and games and stuff. Rob's sister has moved to Utah and gave a ton of stuff away. We brought home what we thought would be useful or interesting or fun.
Which also means we took the van. It's the first trip outside the Cincinnati area that the van has been allowed to go on since ... since at least last year. Since we've owned it, we haven't driven it further than Dayton, which is an hour away. We're mean and restrictive parents.
Made a cucumber salad, using only the cucumbers from our garden and some from the neighbor's garden.
Day 15
I know I mention cooking a lot, now that the kids are gone. It's because cooking is fun without little people running around you, driving you crazy, and incessantly asking when dinner will be ready. I think I've cooked more in the 2 last weeks than I have in the last 4 months before then. And you think I'm joking. Totally not. I've tried a bunch of new recipes. I've actually been LOOKING FORWARD to making dinner. So strange.
Also, we have about a billion zucchini and yellow squash, despite giving a bunch away. So we've made all sorts of yummy things with them. ... This summer it's much more enjoyable to make stuff with them compared to last summer. We have more variety in our garden now, which helps a lot. We finally finished off the cabbage (which was a mistake from the start, but a total win! We'll plant it again next year, for sure) after a month or longer. We still have broccoli, kale, and brussels sprouts occasionally, with more zucchini and squash than anyone needs, and our tomatos, cucumbers, and bell peppers are just starting. Gardening ROCKS!
Day 16
The kids are starting to say that they miss us and are ready to come home. At the same time, they're having a great time in CA, and we're working really hard here, so it's not horrible that they're gone.
Tonight Rob and I are going to Silent Dinner, and I'm going to make him stay and socialize until midnight. Ha!
(I intended to take a picture every day while the kids were gone. But it turns out that it's boring to take pictures of Rob and me. Sorry about that.)
I'm not an overly sentimental person, which I'm sure is shocking information. But I am at the same time fiercely loyal to my family. They are mine and I am theirs and I wouldn't want it any other way.
I skyped with the kids some time on Sunday, and when Tank realized that Rob wouldn't be on the call because he was up in Toledo, he got really angry and sad. It was ADORABLE to see. I made sure that the next time we skyped I showed up with Rob.
(Also, I told my 4-year-old niece that I wanted Rob to catch the rabbit in our backyard - and her face lit up - so that we could cook it and eat it - and she looked like she was going to cry. Totally awesome.)
Day 12
I would say that I marginally missed Rob while he was at his parents' house. I probably would have missed him more had some stressful thing happened while he was gone. But it was just ... quiet here. And I liked it.
I went to school on Monday night. My first tokening experience. I know I haven't explained Practicum super well, but it's not a hard concept. It's where I start doing some interpreting without it affecting people's lives. So my bad interpretations won't hurt anyone. Token interpreting is where I sit in the back on the classroom with other interpreting students and interpret from English into ASL while a mentor (who is a professional interpreter) stares at us and takes notes of our strengths and weaknesses (mostly weaknesses at this point, let's be honest).
It seemed like it would be really stressful, but it wasn't. It was AWESOME! And I wish I could do it every day for 3 hours for the next year. Oh, wait. That's pretty much what I WILL be doing. This is what School Heaven is like.
Day 13
Travelled up to Toledo by myself, which was more tiring than I would have supposed. Then I gave a talk at my niece's baptism (why she chose me, I don't know. Why anyone chooses me for anything, I don't know), and that went well enough. I also was asked to sign a song, which is a MILLION times better than singing a solo.
Ate the first tomato from our garden (I brought it up to Toledo and shared it with Rob). Heaven.
We watched fireworks with Rob's family. Not crazy about fireworks, honestly. Not too crazy about the 4th of July in general. Actually, I guess I'm just not crazy about most holidays period.
Day 14
We came back home and crashed. We didn't unpack the car, because it was full of STUFF. Not the normal stuff, like a bag and a toothbrush, either. Bikes and a mini-trampoline and games and stuff. Rob's sister has moved to Utah and gave a ton of stuff away. We brought home what we thought would be useful or interesting or fun.
Which also means we took the van. It's the first trip outside the Cincinnati area that the van has been allowed to go on since ... since at least last year. Since we've owned it, we haven't driven it further than Dayton, which is an hour away. We're mean and restrictive parents.
Made a cucumber salad, using only the cucumbers from our garden and some from the neighbor's garden.
Day 15
I know I mention cooking a lot, now that the kids are gone. It's because cooking is fun without little people running around you, driving you crazy, and incessantly asking when dinner will be ready. I think I've cooked more in the 2 last weeks than I have in the last 4 months before then. And you think I'm joking. Totally not. I've tried a bunch of new recipes. I've actually been LOOKING FORWARD to making dinner. So strange.
Also, we have about a billion zucchini and yellow squash, despite giving a bunch away. So we've made all sorts of yummy things with them. ... This summer it's much more enjoyable to make stuff with them compared to last summer. We have more variety in our garden now, which helps a lot. We finally finished off the cabbage (which was a mistake from the start, but a total win! We'll plant it again next year, for sure) after a month or longer. We still have broccoli, kale, and brussels sprouts occasionally, with more zucchini and squash than anyone needs, and our tomatos, cucumbers, and bell peppers are just starting. Gardening ROCKS!
Day 16
The kids are starting to say that they miss us and are ready to come home. At the same time, they're having a great time in CA, and we're working really hard here, so it's not horrible that they're gone.
Tonight Rob and I are going to Silent Dinner, and I'm going to make him stay and socialize until midnight. Ha!
(I intended to take a picture every day while the kids were gone. But it turns out that it's boring to take pictures of Rob and me. Sorry about that.)
Sunday, July 1, 2012
The Weekend (Days 8, 9, and 10)
Day 8
On Friday Rob and I drove to Columbus and went to a temple session before I came home alone and Rob was whisked off to Toledo by his dad. It was pretty great to pack up for just him - so easy. Plus, a temple session without arranging babysitters? Genius.
Interesting bit: There was this crazy storm that rolled through Columbus right as we were entering the city. A wall of black along the storm front. And up ahead we saw what looked like smoke rising from the ground on the other side of the highway. We weren't sure what it was, but as we drove closer and closer and saw cars keeping their distance, we realized it was like a baby tornado.
I resisted the idea of a baby tornado. I grew up in St. Louis and I know what tornados should feel like. The sky is an amazing color green. There's a funnel cloud that starts at the cloud level and then comes down. This one wasn't like that at all. And still, there it was, whipping around debris and commanding respect.
So that was kinda fun! I wished the kids were with us because, as I thought, "They're never going to believe us."
Day 9
Being all alone is kinda weird. I don't mind it so much as I'm just not used to it. Who do I talk to? Who's going to make me dinner?
I watched videos on youtube and an hour-long Nova special. I procrastinated homework. I called Rob to tell him I miss him.
I cooked dinner for myself. Zucchini and yellow squash fried up in butter, bread, and cheese. Yes, if I cooked full-time, those are the kinds of meals I'd tend to prepare. Hence why Rob has taken over most cooking duties.
I also picked a ton of blackberries at a friend's house and I'll be making something yummy from them today.
Day 10
I can definitely get used to this quiet. There's something so ... serene about it.
Went to church at Church of Christ this morning. Weird, right? The church is called The Vineyard, and it's HUGE. The worship service is very different from what I'm used to, starting with contemporary music with guitars and such, but it's a comfortable place full of nice people. For 6 weeks I'll be going to watch the sign language interpreters do their thing. It's amazing to watch them work, they're so good. I am nowhere near that skill level, but maybe someday.
One of the interpreters, Nancy, she's a doll. She thanked me for coming and knows that for me, it's a sacrifice to miss my normal church meetings. Wasn't that nice of her to acknowledge? Sweet woman.
And now it's 1:00 in the afternoon and I have absolutely nothing that needs done for the rest of the day. So strange.
On Friday Rob and I drove to Columbus and went to a temple session before I came home alone and Rob was whisked off to Toledo by his dad. It was pretty great to pack up for just him - so easy. Plus, a temple session without arranging babysitters? Genius.
Interesting bit: There was this crazy storm that rolled through Columbus right as we were entering the city. A wall of black along the storm front. And up ahead we saw what looked like smoke rising from the ground on the other side of the highway. We weren't sure what it was, but as we drove closer and closer and saw cars keeping their distance, we realized it was like a baby tornado.
I resisted the idea of a baby tornado. I grew up in St. Louis and I know what tornados should feel like. The sky is an amazing color green. There's a funnel cloud that starts at the cloud level and then comes down. This one wasn't like that at all. And still, there it was, whipping around debris and commanding respect.
So that was kinda fun! I wished the kids were with us because, as I thought, "They're never going to believe us."
Day 9
Being all alone is kinda weird. I don't mind it so much as I'm just not used to it. Who do I talk to? Who's going to make me dinner?
I watched videos on youtube and an hour-long Nova special. I procrastinated homework. I called Rob to tell him I miss him.
I cooked dinner for myself. Zucchini and yellow squash fried up in butter, bread, and cheese. Yes, if I cooked full-time, those are the kinds of meals I'd tend to prepare. Hence why Rob has taken over most cooking duties.
I also picked a ton of blackberries at a friend's house and I'll be making something yummy from them today.
Day 10
I can definitely get used to this quiet. There's something so ... serene about it.
Went to church at Church of Christ this morning. Weird, right? The church is called The Vineyard, and it's HUGE. The worship service is very different from what I'm used to, starting with contemporary music with guitars and such, but it's a comfortable place full of nice people. For 6 weeks I'll be going to watch the sign language interpreters do their thing. It's amazing to watch them work, they're so good. I am nowhere near that skill level, but maybe someday.
One of the interpreters, Nancy, she's a doll. She thanked me for coming and knows that for me, it's a sacrifice to miss my normal church meetings. Wasn't that nice of her to acknowledge? Sweet woman.
And now it's 1:00 in the afternoon and I have absolutely nothing that needs done for the rest of the day. So strange.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Days 7
School started on Wednesday, as I already mentioned. I put a lot of schooling on my plate this term, since the kids are gone, so I'm feeling a smidgen overwhelmed so far. The classes I'm now entering are very different than the ones I've been doing. First I started with the book work type of classes. Then the project-based classes. Now it's the practical application classes. What doesn't help is that I've not done any of this before, so the anxiety levels can get kinda high. Plus, someone is critiquing your work pretty much full time. You self-critique, your peers critique you, your teachers critique you, and your mentors critique you. Sounds fun, no?
Day 7
Not having kids around means the house needs less cleaning. You'd think we'd have a tendency to clean a little each day, since it's WAY less than the cleaning we were doing every day before. But you'd be wrong. We tend to let it pile up over a few days. Because we're lazy.
My mom called and asked a bunch of questions about my children and their typical behavior and we had an interesting discussion about them and why they do what they do. (The answer is that I have no clue.) I gave her my best advice and told her good luck. It's weird to have our positions reversed like that.
Rob came home late last night which wasn't stressful in the least. We have decided that if we normally didn't have kids around we would probably:
1 - Work longer hours.
2 - Need less sleep.
3 - Have more emotional energy.
4 - Cook better food.
I'm not saying that kids are an energy suck, but let's be honest shall we? They totally are. And this is coming from someone who likes her kids and likes being a mom. Kids just use up a lot of physical and emotional energy.
But they also do things like hug you tight and color pictures for you. So it's totally worth it.
(I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I DO think it's worth it. It's just not worth it in a way that adds up, math-wise, in the short-term. Also, studies show that people without kids report higher levels of happiness. Which makes sense, cause those people have more emotional and physical energy, are less stressed, aren't boggled by their kid's latest insanity, have more money to spend, and get more sleep. Duh. But they also die without grandkids. So there.)
Day 7
Not having kids around means the house needs less cleaning. You'd think we'd have a tendency to clean a little each day, since it's WAY less than the cleaning we were doing every day before. But you'd be wrong. We tend to let it pile up over a few days. Because we're lazy.
My mom called and asked a bunch of questions about my children and their typical behavior and we had an interesting discussion about them and why they do what they do. (The answer is that I have no clue.) I gave her my best advice and told her good luck. It's weird to have our positions reversed like that.
Rob came home late last night which wasn't stressful in the least. We have decided that if we normally didn't have kids around we would probably:
1 - Work longer hours.
2 - Need less sleep.
3 - Have more emotional energy.
4 - Cook better food.
I'm not saying that kids are an energy suck, but let's be honest shall we? They totally are. And this is coming from someone who likes her kids and likes being a mom. Kids just use up a lot of physical and emotional energy.
But they also do things like hug you tight and color pictures for you. So it's totally worth it.
(I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I DO think it's worth it. It's just not worth it in a way that adds up, math-wise, in the short-term. Also, studies show that people without kids report higher levels of happiness. Which makes sense, cause those people have more emotional and physical energy, are less stressed, aren't boggled by their kid's latest insanity, have more money to spend, and get more sleep. Duh. But they also die without grandkids. So there.)
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Day 6 - a story
It should be noted that school starts again today. Since this is the reason why my kids are in California, it seems important to bring it up. I have hours and hours and hours of Practicum scheduled every week. The more I can knock out while they're gone, the less I'll need to do when they're back.
Today Rob and I started the day with a bike ride. It's amazing how much more motivated I am to exercise in the summer when I'm already hot, no matter what I do. Then I took a nap because I don't have many more napping days left.
Then something happened that took me way back. I walked outside barefoot to bring in our trash can and was stung by a bee, right in the middle of my foot. It's been a long time since I've been stung, and an even longer time since it's been on the bottom of my foot. Not pleasant, I tell you. (Though not awful, let's be honest.)
This reminded me of a good little story from my childhood. It's a story of a pesky little brother and a loving father.
One day me (10), Collin (12), Keith (8), Justin (6), Chad (4), and a neighbor (6) were walking through the woods behind our house. I guessed on the ages, but it's accurate enough for the purposes of this story. It wasn't often that us bigger kids (me and Collin) hung out with the younger ones. Probably pure boredom motivated us to do so on that particular day.
Anyways, we were walking through a small section of the woods that we normally didn't bother walking through. It was tiny and not very exciting and about 5 feet away from the lawn. I suppose that day we were "exploring" and hence didn't want to leave the great wild of the woods.
On our first pass through the section, we saw a hole in the ground. We were trying to figure out what the hole was, but we didn't think much of it. On the way back, though, we figured it out. Bees. Or whatever bee-like thing it is that burrows into the ground. Collin and I walked tenderly around the hole. The danger was past (is it past or passed?) and we were happily walking on when Justin and the neighbor started running past us and telling us to run, too.
Too late, though. We were surrounded by swarming bees. Chad was still there, and I was trying to focus through the bee storm enough to get him out, but was completely overcome and ran out myself. I ran to the top of the hill (maybe 50 feet? 75? Not far), where our house was, to get help. Miraculously, my father was just home from work and was standing in the front yard looking at our garden. I was relieved to see him and started quickly telling him what was going on.
Except I was apparently babbling incoherently, because he couldn't understand anything I was saying between the fast talking and the crying. He was listening intently, but I wasn't making sense. I was frustrated because there was real danger down there and I couldn't get it out. Suddenly Collin ran up the hill and declared simply, "Chad's down there."
My dad BOLTED. I've never seen him run faster than he did that day. I remember it clearly, because I hadn't known that my father was that fast. He ran into the bee storm, pulled out a helpless Chad, and pulled about 50 bees off his little body. All of us had been stung a bunch of times, I had 6 stings, but it's harrowing to think that if my father had not been standing there, RIGHT there, there might not have been time. At the very least, him running down there averted a medical emergency.
I remember when he came back up the hill holding Chad, there were bees on him, too. And in that moment, my dad was Super Man.
My Pop isn't a super sentimental being. Back in the day "I love you" was rare to hear. A lot of the love stuff that most of us do easily isn't easy for him. On top of that, he isn't a big reactor. I could come home super excited about something and he'd casually say, "Great," maybe, or just nod. So I'd have to go find Mom so she could be excited for me. Dad was just a cool cat.
But that day, when he bolted down the hill without wondering what might happen to him, ... I knew what that was. That was love.
(Years later Justin admitted that he and the neighbor kid were throwing rocks into the hole, just to see what would happen, and that's why the bees swarmed. Hence this is also the story of a pesky little brother.)
Today Rob and I started the day with a bike ride. It's amazing how much more motivated I am to exercise in the summer when I'm already hot, no matter what I do. Then I took a nap because I don't have many more napping days left.
Then something happened that took me way back. I walked outside barefoot to bring in our trash can and was stung by a bee, right in the middle of my foot. It's been a long time since I've been stung, and an even longer time since it's been on the bottom of my foot. Not pleasant, I tell you. (Though not awful, let's be honest.)
This reminded me of a good little story from my childhood. It's a story of a pesky little brother and a loving father.
One day me (10), Collin (12), Keith (8), Justin (6), Chad (4), and a neighbor (6) were walking through the woods behind our house. I guessed on the ages, but it's accurate enough for the purposes of this story. It wasn't often that us bigger kids (me and Collin) hung out with the younger ones. Probably pure boredom motivated us to do so on that particular day.
Anyways, we were walking through a small section of the woods that we normally didn't bother walking through. It was tiny and not very exciting and about 5 feet away from the lawn. I suppose that day we were "exploring" and hence didn't want to leave the great wild of the woods.
On our first pass through the section, we saw a hole in the ground. We were trying to figure out what the hole was, but we didn't think much of it. On the way back, though, we figured it out. Bees. Or whatever bee-like thing it is that burrows into the ground. Collin and I walked tenderly around the hole. The danger was past (is it past or passed?) and we were happily walking on when Justin and the neighbor started running past us and telling us to run, too.
Too late, though. We were surrounded by swarming bees. Chad was still there, and I was trying to focus through the bee storm enough to get him out, but was completely overcome and ran out myself. I ran to the top of the hill (maybe 50 feet? 75? Not far), where our house was, to get help. Miraculously, my father was just home from work and was standing in the front yard looking at our garden. I was relieved to see him and started quickly telling him what was going on.
Except I was apparently babbling incoherently, because he couldn't understand anything I was saying between the fast talking and the crying. He was listening intently, but I wasn't making sense. I was frustrated because there was real danger down there and I couldn't get it out. Suddenly Collin ran up the hill and declared simply, "Chad's down there."
My dad BOLTED. I've never seen him run faster than he did that day. I remember it clearly, because I hadn't known that my father was that fast. He ran into the bee storm, pulled out a helpless Chad, and pulled about 50 bees off his little body. All of us had been stung a bunch of times, I had 6 stings, but it's harrowing to think that if my father had not been standing there, RIGHT there, there might not have been time. At the very least, him running down there averted a medical emergency.
I remember when he came back up the hill holding Chad, there were bees on him, too. And in that moment, my dad was Super Man.
My Pop isn't a super sentimental being. Back in the day "I love you" was rare to hear. A lot of the love stuff that most of us do easily isn't easy for him. On top of that, he isn't a big reactor. I could come home super excited about something and he'd casually say, "Great," maybe, or just nod. So I'd have to go find Mom so she could be excited for me. Dad was just a cool cat.
But that day, when he bolted down the hill without wondering what might happen to him, ... I knew what that was. That was love.
(Years later Justin admitted that he and the neighbor kid were throwing rocks into the hole, just to see what would happen, and that's why the bees swarmed. Hence this is also the story of a pesky little brother.)
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Day 5
Once upon a time I had the great idea of writing journals for my kids while they were little. This worked pretty well until I started blogging, and then the journal entries became further and further apart. Lately Miciah has been reading her journal and asking me to write more in it. I said, "Write what? "Today Miciah and I read a girl development book and had a great talk about tampons."? There's not as much to say as there used to be." She decided I should write some stories from the past and/or print out my blog.
So today I started on that project. Spent about 4 hours putting together a 20-page book with blurb. When the kids get home they'll be pleasantly surprised to get Thackering: In The Beginning. Awesome sounding, right?
Know what I noticed?
 |
| September 2001 |
Rob and I looked so weird back then. Seriously. He has braces and I look like I'm 10.
Maybe I'll finish more by the time they get back. Maybe not. Either way, it's a start.
And that project made me feel like talking to my kids. So I called them. They were busy with Grandma, going fun places and doing fun things. It was a 5-minute phone call wherein I was passed from Miciah to Elijah to Teancom. In the end I said, "Well, I was just calling to say 'I love you," and 'Have fun.'" To which Tank responded, "Okay! Whatever!" Which means they're having a good time. Hurray!
As a side note, it's interesting that my most clingy child was actually the least clingy on the day they left. Miciah and Elijah were hanging all over me, but Tank was all chill. Strange, no?
Today was kale and cabbage soup. The kale, cabbage, and tomatoes were from our garden. Mmmm. We now have so much food in our fridge that we might not need to cook for the next week. Not joking.
And here's me with my hair cut. Self-portrait, into the mirror. (When I take pictures of myself, that's the only way that I look "right" to myself.) My hair isn't great in this picture (and it's not a great picture). I hadn't styled it or anything. Plus, we'd just returned from running. But I assume my hair isn't great most of the time, so I guess it's accurate!
Monday, June 25, 2012
Day 4
Today we've been doing chores. Cleaning up after a weekend of camping and headaches (seriously, the migraine was out of control). Buying stuff that we need. Mowing the lawn. Boring stuff.
Dinner for two:
Not once did I have to say, "I don't care that you don't like it, and how do you even know that you don't like it if you've never tried it before?"
Though this brings up a good point. While I don't mind skipping some of the kid stuff, some of the rest of it is pretty great. Who's going to randomly tickle attack Rob? Who's going to say "Mommy!" and give me hugs? Who's going to write notes like this:
I told Elijah that when I was missing him, I was going to ask Rob to run around the living room really fast so that I'd have to say, "Rob, where do we run circles? Yep, in the basement, your room, or outside. Please go one of those places."
Dinner for two:
Though this brings up a good point. While I don't mind skipping some of the kid stuff, some of the rest of it is pretty great. Who's going to randomly tickle attack Rob? Who's going to say "Mommy!" and give me hugs? Who's going to write notes like this:
I told Elijah that when I was missing him, I was going to ask Rob to run around the living room really fast so that I'd have to say, "Rob, where do we run circles? Yep, in the basement, your room, or outside. Please go one of those places."
Sunday, June 24, 2012
40 Day Fast
Well, these three kiddos are hanging out with their grandparents in California.
It wasn't planned. It just kind of materialized. (I say that like they just up and left one day. Ha!) They'll be gone for all of July. I counted out the days - if they come home August 1st, it'll be 40 days. We're on a 40 day kid fast.
I've decided to chronicle it. Cause it could be interesting. Well, I think it's interesting anyway, and this is my blog.
Day 1 - Saying Goodbye
(Umm, I don't know how long the camera lens has been filthy, but Rob finally figured it out yesterday. So the smudges will disappear in upcoming pictures.)
Rob and I drove to Dayton and saw the kids off on an airplane with my dad. This is how sentimental I am. When my dad said, "You can come to the airport with us if you want," I said, "No, it's cool. I can say my goodbyes at the house." And then he went on to say that he was actually asking me to come with him to help him get the kids through security, etc. Oh! Right. Of course. And can I just say that having 3 adults to take care of kids at the airport was luxurious. Highly recommend it.
Then Rob and I came home and something really strange happened. I was overcome with anger and then despondency. We've been without kids before for a week or so. We've been down to one kid lots of times. But never like this.
I started looking around at things. At their things. And I wanted to throw them across the room. Maybe destroy them. At the very least, shove them out of sight so I wouldn't have to look at them for weeks. The anger. And then, once that passed, I wanted to lay in bed for hours. "What am I supposed to do now?" I thought. "What is my purpose?"
It should be noted that I enjoy being without my kids. People who can't get away need to get their heads checked. But in that little moment, I just felt purposeless. And in truth, so much of what I do in life revolves around 3 tiny beings. And I like it that way.
So Rob and I got out of the house.
Day 2 - Clifty Falls
There's this itty bitty Indiana State Park not far from here called Clifty Falls State Park. Lame name. It's like they held a contest to come up with the least creative name. It was a toss-up between "Clifty Falls" and "Cliffs and Falls."
So, not shockingly, the park looked kinda like this:
Nothing spectacular, but it was pretty. I spent a ton of time in my childhood playing in a Midwest woods much like this, so Clifty Falls just felt right.
We hiked about 10 miles, most of it in the shade and/or along a creek bed! All day I kept saying, "Thanks for coming with me, Rob." I keep thinking it's uber-lame that Rob and I, you know, go camping and hiking for fun. This somehow is unrefined.
While falling asleep in our own bed that night we heard noises that seemed strange. When the house is empty except for the person laying next to you, there's lots to hear.
Day 3
Nough said.
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