October 5, 2000 – Jazz Concert and ‘I Love Two Girls’

October 5, 2000 – Jazz Concert and ‘I Love Two Girls’

Rob and I went to the BYU Jazz Concert. One of his roommates, Rhett, performed in it, but that’s not why we went.

On the way home, I was having enough strong feelings for Rob that I felt ready to say those three little words that mean so much. So I was standing with Rob near the stairs to his apartment and I told him I was about ready in our relationship to tell him something. So he knew what I was going to say. And he said, “Before you say that, I have something to tell you.” We sat down on the steps and talked for over an hour, I’m sure, perhaps much longer than that. I remember Rhett had time to walk by us with his instrument in tow and some of his roommates walked back out the door, too. I know it was past 11:00 p.m. when we finished our conversation.

But Rob sat me down and told me about AO. I’m not dumb and completely non-observant, so I had already put some things together about AO. I knew Rob had driven a girl up to Ricks (now BYU-Idaho) and dropped her off. I knew that he had “a friend” that was a little more to him than a friend, just by how he spoke about her. And, though he doesn’t remember this, he received a package one day in his apartment and I asked him who it was from and he said, “A woman who wants me to marry her daughter.” I had figured out that this person he wanted to marry was AO.

So he pulls out AO on me. He says she’s really spiritual and they have great talks and that she makes him want to be a better person. But, apparently, I don’t. I knew enough at this point that I knew he didn’t have a lot of fun around AO. He often would ask me if I really thought he was funny. Yes, of course, why don’t you believe me? Well, AO, … Right. I get it. So I just said, in essence, “Okay, maybe I’m not a spiritual giant, but we have so much fun together, and when you’re around me, you’re happy. What about that?” And he said he didn’t know. We were both different girls, but he loved both of us. And there he said it. Stole my punch line. He loved me but also loved AO.

And then he has the nerve to say, “So how do you feel about me?” What?! I told him I was not about to declare how I felt about him with him sitting on the fence like that. I told him I wasn’t happy about all this and would need to think about it all. And I told him he couldn’t love two women, he had to pick one or the other. He understood.

What a jerk! I was so upset. I went home and ate almost a whole half gallon of ice cream. My roommate, Cathy, came out and talked to me cause she could tell I was upset. I told her about Rob and what he had told me and I didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t get ahold of my mom on the phone. … I had been calling my mom for a few weeks now, telling her about Rob and my feelings for him and wanting to be in his life and what advice does she have for me. The whole time Mom had been trying to give it to me easy. You know: Maybe he’s just in your life to be a good friend and then you’ll move on. I would respond with something like, “If I don’t marry Rob, I won’t ever get married. How can you see the best and marry for second?” So Cathy comforted me and suggested maybe I should ask for a blessing from a friend in the ward.

What a great idea! So who to ask? I almost called up Rob. No, bad plan. How about Dave? No, he’s the roommate, can’t do that. So I called up my next closest friend, Kurt. I had no romantic feelings for Kurt and sensed he had some deeper issues than I wanted to deal with. But I loved playing ping-pong with him (yes, he’s the same Kurt from that first night of ping-pong) and he was pretty good. We talked sometimes for a while, but I knew he and I were going nowhere. So I called him. By now it’s almost midnight and curfew in the building is midnight. Sometimes, though, breaking the rules for something like a blessing isn’t a bad thing.

So Kurt gave me a blessing. He asked what it was about and I told him I didn’t want to really tell him. So guided only by the Spirit he gave me a blessing and I was touched by it. In the blessing I was told I would be prepared for whatever answer was coming to me. I was also told that although I couldn’t get ahold of my mom, I would be able to pray and reach Heavenly Father. Now how could Kurt have known any of that? And it turned out to be true, all of it. I wasn’t able to get ahold of my mom for about a week, which was an eternity considering how often I’d been calling her. And I was also prepared for Rob’s answer, though I’m pretty sure now that I wouldn’t have been without the blessing to calm me and give me direction.

written Spring 2006