October 6, 2000 – I Say ‘I Love You, Too’

October 6, 2000 – I Say ‘I Love You, Too’

So I prepared myself for the only decision Rob would make that I thought I would have to be prepared for: "I choose AO." It was a little sad to me that this man I had pursued so hard and had fallen in love with at first ping-pong game was about to slip away from me. But I found strength in my preparation. I realized that if Rob didn’t want me, then I didn’t want him, either.

He happened to have a Choir Retreat on Friday and wasn’t home until late. I couldn’t wait to talk to him and say my bit. Finally it came time to talk and we talked for a while. I sat down with him in the hallway/lobby outside his apartment and I told him what I’d come to. I told him that if he didn’t want me then I didn’t care, because I was confident in myself and wanted someone who wanted me. I also told him that AO was horrible for him and he knew it. I said, “Your family knows it, you know it, and I know it.” I told him that yes, I did love him, and I didn’t want to lose him. But if he didn’t want a relationship with me than get out now cause it’d be easier now than later. And I told him that I didn’t care at this point if he came back and told me that I wasn’t the one he was interested in. I would be okay with that. But he BETTER NOT tell me that he felt good about AO. He seemed impressed that I came back so strong.

So I went home and waited, hoping that Rob wanted me.

Rob: This was the night that I was baptized by fire. I had been so mixed up. AO’s mother had been calling me. I had called AO several times. The last conversation I had with AO she had told me that she knew something I didn’t know, but that she couldn’t tell me yet what it was. Really, I had become so smitten with AO over the previous summer that I was blinded to how I really felt around her. I wasn’t myself. She had burned me several times. I had put a lot of prayer and emotional energy into trying to make her happy and she didn’t want any part of it. Tamra helped me realize this.

After our conversation I went in to my room. I knelt by my bedside and knew I needed an answer. I began talking to my Father in Heaven. I shared with Him my feelings about these two young women that I felt were special. As my conversation with Him continued my thoughts and heart all began turning to focus on Tamra. Thoughts of AO dwindled and died. Thoughts of Tamra grew and my heart was filled with fire from above. I knew.

written Spring 2006