Miciah is a thoughtful person. She's always looking out for her brothers, and as a mom I REALLY appreciate that. A while back I was thinking about that and decided to say it out loud. So I said, "Miciah, you're a great big sister." Miciah smiled and said, "Why did you say that? Because you like me?" I half-smiled and then got serious. "Because it's true."
Miciah helps Tank get things that he needs or wants, even if (and especially when) I'm too lazy to do it myself. She plays games that the boys like, watches movies that the boys want. She reads them books and colors with them. The boys have a great big sister.
Example 2: Books
A while back I decided to make an especial effort to be friends with Miciah. Why Miciah in particular? Because she's the one that can crawl under my skin. Thankfully, Miciah is relatively easy to be friends with, once I cut her a little slack and started searching for the common ground.
The common ground has largely been our love for reading. Miciah loves, loves, loves to read! In fact, that's nearly a direct quote from one of her school assignments:
"Why I like Monfort Heights Elementy school. I like the fild day party. I absoloutly love the holoween party and parade! I like reses, too. It has a library and I love, love, love, to read! I like all of these things because when I do them I am happy. That is why I like monfort Heights!"
I used to limit her to 4 library books. But she was reading them too fast. So now it's up to 10 books. Granted, she should probably start reading harder books, but I remember being her age and just enjoying to read books that were easy to read. So there's no push.
Example 3: Fairies
Miciah loves anything that has to do with fairies. She watches movies about fairies. She reads books about fairies. In fact, she RE-reads books about fairies.
The other day she said to me, "Mom, are fairies real?" I like to discourage my children's use of imagination, so I said, "No." She then went on about well, what if they are real and do they really fly and where do they live and, by the way, I like fairies, don't you, Elijah? and fairies are really pretty.
Example 4: Help Wanted!
Anyone with Toy Making Experience can apply in person to Miciah.
Example 5: Words of Affirmation
Since making a greater effort to be friends with my talented, funny, amazing daughter, I've noticed more and more things that I like about her. As the tension between us has melted away, I've seen things about her that I was incapable of seeing before.
For instance, Miciah's love language is Words of Affirmation. I thought it was Quality Time, because she was always wanting me to make things with her. But my desire to make things is kind of on the low end of that scale, so I outsourced the craft-making and signed her up for classes at the museum center. And to my amazement, it worked! Then I started realizing WHAT Miciah's always making: cards, letters, notes. She leaves us messages all over the house. "I love you, Mom and Dad!" "It's snowing. I love snow. Will you make a snowman with me?" and then "Thanks for playing in the snow with me, Dad!"
More importantly, I've started noticing how she melts when I tell her that I love her, that she's a great daughter, and that I'm lucky to be her mom. That I'm proud of her school work, that she's doing well at the piano, and that she's a great reader. Since I've started taking the time, almost daily, to say nice things to her, genuine things, I feel like I'm watching her open up. She's more likely to smile, more likely to laugh and joke. More likely to just be happy.
Right about here is where I should mention how pathetic it is that it's taken me SO LONG to make this connection with my daughter. But I'll keep it on the positive side, because that's what it is in my life right now: a huge positive. Should have done it earlier, for sure, but better now than never!
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