December 20, 2000 – Went Through the Temple and X is Born!

December 20, 2000 – Went Through the Temple and X is Born!

To this day B will tell you that I was “difficult” when I got married. Which actually stems from the fact that I think I stepped on his toes a little when I planned my wedding for a day after his first baby was due: December 20th. I figured it would work out well because my parents were already going to be out in Utah for Christmas. Kill two birds with one stone, I thought. Well, B informed me that this was “stealing his spotlight,” as he said. I told him that was a little stupid and he said it was just something I should think about. So I cleared it with the boss: his wife. She said she thought B was being silly and that I should do the wedding whenever. … B was not the only one with complaints about when we planned our wedding. Grandma D also let it be known that we had been completely inconsiderate about the timing of our wedding. They had a trip they had to be on and probably had to rearrange things to be there. I was a little offended. We had tried hard to find a good time for everyone, but as you find out over time, it is impossible to please everyone.

So plans went on. And as it turns out, the morning I was to get out my Endowment, X (B and J's son) was born. So B was not there for the Endowment session. I don’t remember if B was there for the wedding ceremony, but I think he might not have been. Obviously his priority lay at the time with his wife and newborn son. This was fine, and the way it should be.

We had some mishaps getting to the temple that day. I gave my mom and dad directions to the wrong Grandma’s house on the way to get Rob. So this caused us a little delay as we had to cut back across town. Then, on the way to the Mount Tempanogas Temple, there was a traffic jam on the freeway. So Rob took us winding around town to get there. I remember asking, “Does Satan always make it this difficult to get to the temple?” And Rob said, “Not if we surprise him.”

It was lovely to get out my endowment with my mom as my escort. Rob’s Grandpa D was the officiator. It was a little scary at first to not know what was going on, and we had some funny wardrobe mishaps, but it was well worth it. Rob got to take me through the veil and then we were united with our families in the Celestial Room. It was a wonderful sight. And a comforting one. Something about the clothes Rob was wearing, that I had never seen before, was familiar to me. Then I remembered that I would have seen Ruben in his temple clothes after he died. And I was grateful to have had that experience to make the moment in the Celestial Room feel very peaceful: like coming home.

Rob: The experience of taking my soon-to-be-wife through the veil was probably one of the greatest experiences of my life. It was indescribable to be on the other side and hear her voice and see her in that way. I am so grateful I married her in the temple. I am so grateful our marriage is eternal. I look forward to someday sharing that with her again.

written Spring 2006

December 11 – 15, 2000 – Finals Week

December 11 – 15, 2000 – Finals Week

Ick, finals. Like I said, I’d been so stressed about getting the wedding planned and doing school that I probably didn’t do a very good job at either. Nor was I particularly stable for Rob. I didn’t want Rob to go blind into our marriage, and I didn’t want him to be surprised when these other “sides” of me popped up later. So not that I planned it, but I was depressed and angry and any other thing you can think of, probably several of them at once. There were days that I thought he might call it off or days where I wondered if I was ready for all this. I wanted nothing more than to marry Rob, but I didn’t want him to look back and think it was a mistake. So he had to know that I had “issues” in some areas of my life. And he found out. I was so unstable emotionally at the time, it seemed, that he got a good spectrum of Tamra. And he still married me. What a guy!

There was once I remember when I was upset at Rob, though I don’t remember why. I went to my apartment and started playing Tetris (my universal answer for life at the time). Then, against my will, I got over it. I felt kinder towards Rob and I felt peace. And the feeling I got was that this was NOT because I deserved it; it was because Rob deserved it. This made little sense to me at the time. Later Rob told me that he had sent his guardian angel to comfort me. And I knew that that was exactly what happened. I thought it very unfair. But I was even more impressed with Rob.

Rob: I just remember that Tamra was very upset and I was concerned about her. I felt that she needed some extra help that day. I felt it very appropriate to send my angel to watch over her. After all she was going to be a part of my eternity and he should have had as much interest in protecting her as protecting me. It’s nice to know he is obedient.

During finals week I broke down a little more than normal. It was as close as I think I’ve ever been to a nervous breakdown. I was so stressed I basically couldn’t study for my finals. I told Rob about this and about how worried I was about my classes. He just hugged me and told me that the Lord knew me and he knew the stress I’d been under. He said the Lord would bless me, even though I wasn’t able to put in the study time I wanted. I was calmed by this. And it turned out to be the most academically successful semester of my college career.

Rob: Just as a side note, it was my worst ever and I spent several semesters trying to recover. It was a combination of no sleep and stress. I had several note pages with scribbled lines down them from when I had fallen asleep in class. I just remember being so tired all the time.

Rob was a calming agent in my life and a blessing to me. There was one conversation we had about how it was hard for me to forgive certain people of certain things. I got the feeling that it was not hard for Rob to forgive. I asked him how he did it and he told me the most powerful thing I’ve ever taken to heart in my life: You just do it. So profound and simple. And who would have known that it WORKS!

It seems the engagement period was to be a learning one for Rob and for me. Rob got to see more sides of me and understand more of who I was and what he was getting into. And I was given visions and insights into Rob and who he was. The visions I was given, however, were glorious and sacred to me. Shortly after we were engaged, I was given a very real glimpse of Rob and who he is. This was given to me through the Spirit and it amazed me. I remember thinking, “Who is this man?” Obviously he is great in the eyes of God and He wanted me to know that so I would be sure I was up for being his wife. I have since told Rob’s parents and siblings about this vision I was given and came to find out that most people who know Rob feel the same way: that he is special to our Heavenly Father. I went to Rob and just asked, “Who are you?” I’m sure my eyes must have been full of wonder and awe. Rob seemed to be a “normal” person, but there was nothing ordinary about what I had seen in vision. Rob at that point allowed me to read his patriarchal blessing for the first time. He is promised some amazing things in there and I was floored. I remember thinking again, “Who is this man? And why has he chosen to be with me? And am I up for the privilege of marrying him?”

As to why Rob chose me to be his wife, I don’t know. Because I’m lucky. As for if I was up to marrying him and all that would entail: definitely!! I knew it would mean dedication to the Lord and His Work, but I was ready for that. It’s what I wanted to do anyway. It might not be easy, but it would be worth it.

written Spring 2006

November 27 and 28, 2000 – The Letters From JH

November 27 and 28, 2000 – The Letters From JH

Of course about as soon as we were engaged, I wrote a letter to JH telling him that I’d found the man I wanted to marry and that I was sorry, and I knew it’d be hard, blah, blah, blah, but I was going to marry Rob. A pretty typical Dear John, no doubt. I had been hoping to get back a letter from JH before leaving for the Thanksgiving Break, but that didn’t happen. I even made a point of checking the mail very quickly before leaving. I was anxious to see how he’d respond, and I was worried about it.

The first letter I received was on November 27th, the day we got back. It said that he was doing better and that he was happy for me, though he wondered why we were getting married so quickly and was that a wise thing? This, to me, was an acceptable response letter to a Dear John.

And then the next day I received another letter, this one dated a week before the one I’d received the day before. And this was a very bitter letter. He said unkind things about Rob and about me and he was obviously very hurt. I remember he mentioned the day he received my letter and said that he’d had a hard day that day in particular. Later, after I wasn’t upset about his letter, I remembered that day. I remembered walking through campus holding Rob’s hand and feeling suddenly very strongly that we should pray for JH. I told Rob that I wanted him to pray for him, though I wasn’t sure why. We both prayed for him.

I’m sure it took me a few days to calm down from the letters. I wrote him another letter. I didn’t want to respond in anger. I told him I knew that marrying Rob was the right thing. I spoke to him especially about a revelation I’d received while I’d been dating JH. At the time I had taken that revelation to mean that I was going to marry JH. But over time I realized that the revelation had not had a particular man attached to it, just a feeling of overwhelming peace and joy along with a clause, “If you live the Gospel.” I saw in this revelation my wedding day outside the temple and I saw myself with a worthy man. It was a wonderful revelation. I got the feeling several times that JH had been given a similar revelation, and he seemed to hint strongly at that in his letters. He had a hard time dealing with that. I had never spoken to JH about my revelation, and he never spoke directly to me about his, either, just what was hinted at in this letter. But I felt it important to tell him, now that I was not going to marry him, why I would get a revelation like that and then marry Rob and still feel good both about marrying Rob and about the revelation.

Could I have married JH and been happy? I dunno. Probably. Is that an idea I even entertain any more? No. JH and I caused so much hurt for each other that I like to leave all thoughts of him where they belong: on the shelf. Like an old, worn book that you only bring out delicately and rarely. I learned a lot of lessons from JH that I will always take with me. There’s not much else to say about him.

Some time after Thanksgiving (I’m pretty sure), my mom came in town for two reasons. One, we had her van in Utah and she needed to drive it back out to California. I don’t recall how the van got out there in the first place, but obviously it was out there because we drove it to California and then back to Utah. Anyways, the other reason she came was to pick out a wedding dress with me. I wanted my mom to make my wedding dress, but there was not much time. We went first with L to see what kinds of wedding dresses there were for sale. I didn’t like any of them enough to buy. So we went to a fabric store and picked out a dress from the pattern books. It was not perfect because it wasn’t modest enough, so my mom had to modify it. But I am thrilled with how it turned out. L also helped pick out a bridesmaid dress pattern and fabric for her. I also loved how that turned out.

written Spring 2006

November 21 – 26, 2000 – Thanksgiving in California

November 21 – 26, 2000 – Thanksgiving in California

My parents had not met Rob. They were in California and it’d only been 3 months now. So I invited Rob home with me for Thanksgiving. He would have stayed in Utah with his extended family, but was just as anxious as I was for him to meet my family. I knew they would like him.

We set off for California on the 21st with L, J, and Janine who is also from my home town. We stayed that night at a hotel in attached rooms. The main room had 2 double beds. The attached room had a single queen bed or something like that. Anyways, L and J got the room with the single bed and that left Rob and Janine and me in the main room. I slept in the bed with Janine and Rob slept in the other bed by himself. This was really weird. It made me very glad Janine was with us, or it would have been exceptionally weird. But we had fun. I remember joking around and throwing pillows and stuff.

The next day, the 22nd, I’m pretty sure I forced Rob to sing “Old Man River” for my family, in the car. I was so in love with Rob and loved his voice and wanted everyone else to love it, too. So I was always asking him to sing (as I still always am). Sometime later on the drive Rob and I were talking in the back seat. I told him something I had told a few other people, but never had told Rob. I told him I didn’t like the way he kissed. I don’t recall what it was that I didn’t like about it, but I didn’t like it. So he said he’d work on it.

Rob: She didn’t just tell me. I had to pry it out of her. She was worried about how I would take the criticism. I have to admit it did hurt a little, but I would rather have known something like that than kiss her for the rest of my life and have her not really enjoy it. This may sound weird but I made the matter a matter of prayer. I felt it was important to have my future wife enjoy kissing me so I prayed about how I might make this a more enjoyable experience. The ideas came flooding in.

Later that day, at my parents house now, he kissed me and I fell in love all over again. I remember being blown away that he had been able so quickly to change how he kissed me so that I really liked it. I asked him how he did it and he just said he prayed. Wow. I liked it. All of it: the kissing and the praying.

Thanksgiving went fine. I remember that Rob was in charge of the mashed potatoes and he mixed them until they didn’t have lumps any more, and then found out my dad likes it with lumps in it. And I think I again ate a full pumpkin pie in a day. I do that most Thanksgivings. Rob also had a talk with my dad. It wasn’t to get “permission” from him, because I give the permission, but I did want Rob to talk to him. From what Rob’s told me, it wasn’t much of a talk. Later Dad would tell me that Rob is the best of the best of men. I doubt he had such glowing things to say about me.

Rob: This is the way the conversation went. I asked if he was OK with me marrying his daughter. He responded by asking if it mattered what he thought and whether it would change whether I married his daughter or not. I told him no, that I was going to marry her either way. He then said it didn’t matter then what he thought. He then asked if I realized what I was getting into by marrying Tamra. I later found out I had no idea.

The next day, the 23rd, we had Jane and Phil over. I had invited them over to “grill Rob” about marrying me. It was sort of a quality check. Phil was too soft on him, but he approved whole-heartedly. Jane is a little jaded from her personal experience, so she objected to us getting married. Not because she objected to Rob, but because she objected to anyone getting married young. This annoyed me a little, but I kind of liked that she was razzing Rob, too.

Rob: I only really remember the end of this conversation. I remember telling the both of them that I was sure it would work out. Jane looked at me and told me that I couldn’t really be sure. I responded simply by saying that I knew myself and knew that this marriage would work and that we would be happy. I’m not sure they believed me but I think they were impressed with my confidence and willingness to stand up for myself and our decision. They at least knew I was committed.

It was probably later that night, before bed, that we talked. Rob and I were kissing and I remember we got into a position that I wasn’t comfortable with. I trust Rob to behave himself, but I wasn’t comfortable. I remember asking Rob why we were laying that way. He said he didn’t know. There was something about his answer that reminded me of JH and so made me a little defensive on the spot. He then quickly remedied the situation and I thought he was mad at me. He told me he appreciated that I would tell him what I was comfortable with and not comfortable with. He said that all a woman ever had to do for him to not do something was tell him it made her uncomfortable. I was amazed and impressed that any male could be so controlled and caring.

We also talked that night about one of my main fears in marrying Rob. Rob is gentle and loving, but he is big. What if he ever hit me? I might not survive. I am little and he is big and this is a little scary to me. He told me that he would never hit me and I didn’t need to worry about that. I told him I trusted him, but how could I know for sure? And he used the trump card: prayer. He said, “You get down and pray right now and ask if I will ever hit you.” He talked about how abuse is a gross misuse of the Priesthood and we prayed about it all, though I doubt at this point I was comfortable enough to pray out loud. So either I said a prayer silently or Rob said a prayer for us, but either way, at the end, I just hugged Rob and my fears were quieted. I knew he was a good man and that he’d never abuse me or our future children.

The next day, the 25th, I took Rob to see a little bit of my home town Not that there’s much to see, mind you, but I wanted to show him around and I wanted some time with just him, too. So we went to the parking garage downtown. It has a pretty good view of town. And then I took him to the park at the top of the only hill in town. I ran Cross Country there a lot in High School. The park was closed, so we parked close and walked up the hill. I hate that hill. The hill gives a pretty good view of the town, as well. We made out a little at that park, which is something we’d never done before. I hadn’t ever been tempted to kiss Rob too much, cause I didn’t like how he kissed. Kissing had been like a chore. But now it was nice and it was tempting.

We drove back to Utah on the 26th. Janine was getting a ride back with someone else, so it was just L and J and Rob and me. This made it more tempting, too. L and J did all the driving, so it was just Rob and me in the back to cuddle. Janine wasn’t there, so there was no one else to chaperone. And then it got dark and Rob and I got back to making out. While making out is fun and I liked it, we knew we could quickly get ourselves into trouble if we followed that path. We agreed to not make out any more until we got married. And we stuck to that.

written Spring 2006

Thanksgiving 2000

These are all pictures taken on the Thanksgiving trip that Rob and I took to California so he could meet my family. Rob, me, C, L & J all drove out from Utah. We had a good time and I was glad that my family could meet the man that I was head-over-heels for.

I love this picture, even though it's cropped too close on the bottom.

I have disliked this picture of me since the moment it was taken. But my dad and Rob both loved it. My dad made about 200 prints and gave them to everyone he knew (a slight exaggeration). I have come to like this picture after years of exposure to it. Rob had this picture in his wallet for years and years.


Rob helping my brothers do the dishes on Thanksgiving Day:


(written June 2008)

Tamra

November 17 and 18, 2000 – Men’s Chorus Concerts

November 17 and 18, 2000 – Men’s Chorus Concerts

Men’s Chorus has a following: all the girlfriends of the men in Men’s Chorus. I went to virtually every rehersal that semester, once Rob and I were serious. I would bring my homework and do that for an hour while I listened. It was very fun. And so I knew just about every song they sang word-for-word. I knew when they were off and when they were on. I knew when a part didn’t come in or a section missed their note. It was fun to have the time to go to so many of Rob’s things. Rob loves music.

I don’t remember much about the Men’s Chorus Concert. I know that in their combined concert at the start of the year they stole the show (like they do every year). They walked in singing “Stouthearted Men” and the audience went wild. Men’s Chorus always is the favorite.

written Spring 2006

October 29, 2000 – Grandma and Grandpa D’s Combined B-day Party

October 29, 2000 – Grandma and Grandpa D’s Combined B-day Party

This was my first “meet the family” session. Every one of Rob's aunts on the D's side was there and all their families. I was a little worried about how they’d like me and how they’d treat me, but I had already met Becky and Grandma D, so I wasn’t too worried about it.

I only remember one thing about this night. Grandma D yelled at Rob for not telling her sooner that we were engaged. She called him rude and asked if he had been this rude on his mission, cause if he had been, he never would have had anyone to teach because he was so rude. Rude? Not telling her we were engaged? Rudeness is telling someone off because they didn’t tell you that they were engaged. All I could think was that she needed a lesson on what real rudeness is. And then she turned to me and said, “You better keep him in line.” And she walked off. I was appalled and confused. Did we know the same Rob Thacker? The kindest, gentlest, least rude person in the world? Rob just said some line about how that’s just how Grandma D is and I wondered how people put up with her.

Since then we’ve become friends, her and I. It took a little patience on both our parts, a little understanding on my part to be tolerant, and a little understanding on her part to not push the line. I let her know that if she scratched, I would bite and I would win. I didn’t do anything rude, I just don’t put up with her telling off the people I love. It also took a lot of prayer and service on my part. I needed a softer heart to see how good and kind and wonderful Grandma D is. She has a heart of gold.

written Spring 2006

October 27, 2000 – Halloween Dance

October 27, 2000 – Halloween Dance

The Halloween Dance was with our ward and a few others. It was fun. Rob and I, of course, went as a couple and I was dressed up in my Navy sailor outfit that I adore and Rob, I think, was just in jeans and a white shirt. I don’t think he had a costume. Who brings a Halloween costume to college with them? But it was SO FUN to dance with Rob again. We did a lot of swing stuff that we couldn’t do the week before at Homecoming because I was in a long dress that didn’t really allow me to move like that. So we danced and danced and Rob sweated and sweated.

I remember that one guy came up to me to dance with me while Rob was doing something else like going to the bathroom or something. The guy was apparently a dancer on one of the BYU dance teams, and he was pretty quick to let you know that. He told me that he had seen me dancing and obviously I was pretty good. I laughed and told him that I didn’t know any dance moves at all, and Rob had been teaching me. Really, Rob looks good and I get to benefit from that. He was not impressed and essentially stopped talking to me right then, which made the rest of the song a little awkward. I just thought, “I don’t care. I’m here with the guy I’m going to marry and that’s not you.”

Once Rob and I were engaged, real life seemed to hit me and our courtship slowed down a lot. We were still together nearly everyday all day, but it wasn’t the same going out and doing things that it had been before. Now we had to think about realistic things like me getting a pre-marital check-up with a GYN, and us finding an apartment, and what would our finances be like after we were married, and finding a reception hall for the wedding, and were we going to start trying immediately to have kids or would we wait. Real life is not near as exciting as the rollercoaster, heart-on-a-platter, falling-in-love romance. But it does have to be dealt with, none-the-less.

So we dealt with real life. We found an apartment at King Henry (the smallest apartment you’ve ever seen) and I put down the money for it. We decided I would have to get a job after we got married, so we could survive life. I had not previously had a job while attending college. And I started frantically making wedding plans, which is no fun at all. I put Rob’s mom in charge of the reception in Ohio, my parents in charge of whatever they wanted to do in California, and I asked J to help with the reception in Utah and the wedding announcements. She was the only person I knew who had been married somewhat recently and had done all the reception stuff, plus she said she could help make announcements. Coordinating all these efforts was a monstrous task and I probably didn’t help matters, since I was so stressed out about all of it plus going to school that I about shut down. I would play Tetris on the old school original Nintendo that Chanel had brought with her from home. I would play for hours and hours and hours. I got really good: Level 18, Line 182. I don’t know of anyone who has done better [comment from Oct. 2008: and I've beat that by 10 lines since then]. And I was on the phone almost constantly, much to the annoyance of my roommates who could never use it because I was always on it. There was just so much to do.

And the idea of having to talk to Rob, this man I had only known for 2 months, about things like kids and sex and school was really weird to me. Of course I knew when we were married, those things would come, but talking to Rob about it was awkward for me. We had only known each other a short time, and while we were attracted to each other and kissed and things, our relationship was not sexual and so it was odd thinking about it in those terms. But we talked anyway because we needed to. We decided that we would put off trying for children until I had finished school. This was obviously the wisest decision to make. I knew in my heart that I would not be able to accomplish going to school and raising a child, so it was one or the other. And though I agreed to that decision, deep down I wondered about it. Were we really supposed to wait? But that’s what we decided, so it was fine. And it really did make sense.

So I went to the GYN that J suggested. I didn’t like him at all, but I did like the nurse I saw. It was my first pap smear and that part I didn’t mind so much as what the nurse had to do to figure out my uterus is tipped. That was very painful and I think I was saying ‘ow’ for about half an hour afterwards. The GYN brought Rob in from the waiting room where he was waiting through the exam so he could talk to us about which kinds of birth control there are and also so he could talk to us about sex. Again, awkward. He gave us a little phamplet book thing that he had co-authored about sex and marriage. He asked us both to read it individually so we would know what to expect. It was more information than I wanted to know, but it was helpful to not go in blind. Though I don’t think I was blind about it all. Anyways. Rob and I decided in the doctor’s office to start me on the pill. I would start it in a few days to time my period right for the wedding and have it be effective by the time we needed it to be. Fine, fine.

But it wasn’t fine. Those few days were some of the longest of my life. I have recorded this story in several other places, so I will give the short version here. I felt Miciah’s presence. Not that I knew it was Miciah, but I knew it was my first child. And the child was always there. This weighed on me and weighed on me. The child wasn’t a pest, he or she just wanted me to know they were there and they wanted to come down as quickly as possible. The child was always smiling and would very gently and sweetly say, “Mom.” I would sometimes say, “What?” in response. There never was a response, just that same smile. I remember one instance in particular in my room, looking up at the ceiling and saying, “Stop. I get it. I know you’re there. Just leave me alone. I have to study,” or something to that effect. My roommate must have thought I was crazy. I knew I wasn’t crazy, and I knew that we couldn’t delay having children. Not with this child so desperately wanting to come down to us.

But how could I bring that up with Rob? He knew something was wrong, but I didn’t want to tell him what it was. I thought he would be disappointed in me for going back on the decision. It was the day before I was to start taking the birth control, so we needed to talk. We talked, though Rob had to coax just about everything out of me. I told him I felt this presence and I couldn’t shake it, but the light in my eyes was gone and I couldn’t function without it and I just wanted to cry and, and, and. It’s a little funny now to think about. And that spirit is still how my sweet daughter, Miciah, is today. Nice and sweet, but insistent to get her way. … I felt like my life would end if we didn’t make the right decision, so Rob very sweetly offered a prayer. And after this prayer we knew what decision we needed to make. I was so grateful that Rob was understanding and wanted to listen to the Lord. He had not felt the same impressions as I had, but he trusted me and he trusted the Lord, though neither of us knew how we would make this work.

Rob: I am very grateful for this experience. I believe it established a pattern in our marriage that we have tried to follow. We knew we could receive answers from our Father in Heaven. He was interested in our marriage. I also hoped it help Tamra know that she could and should approach me about any concerns she ever had. The answer that evening was very strong. There was no question in my mind what our course of action needed to be.

Of course we know how this story ends. We were married and 10 short months later Miciah joined our family. I knew from the beginning that she was full of a love for life and that she wanted to be on earth at this time in our family. And it’s awful nice to know all that. Looking back on how life has gone, I can’t imagine if we had waited. We did the right thing for us and that’s also nice to know. When people find out how soon Miciah joined our family, they will occasionally ask if she was unplanned or a “mistake” as it’s sometimes put. It almost makes me want to laugh. If they only knew how insistent she was to get down here. And it is nice to answer, with full conviction, that no, just the opposite, she was asking to come down. Why did we have Miciah so early in our marriage? Because it’s what Miciah wanted, and what the Lord wanted for us.

written Spring 2006

Pictures Pre-Marriage

This is one of my favorite pictures of Rob. Seems like it's his BYU ID picture, but I don't remember what it was for.


Except for C, B & J, and L & J, who lived in Utah, my family hadn't met Rob. (I took him home to CA to meet my folks for Thanksgiving.) B took these pictures on his camera to send to the family. These are from some time in October, 2000. We were probably engaged already, so late October, I'd say.

(written June 2008)

Tamra

October 19, 20, and 21, 2000 – Homecoming Weekend

October 19, 20, and 21, 2000 – Homecoming Weekend

Rob performed with the Men’s Chorus for the Homecoming Spectacular on Thursday and Friday. I went to see him one of those days. I don’t remember much about it, and what I think I remember could be a combination of about 3 years of going to the Spectacular. I might have gone with Lorelie; I might have done that the year before. Rob might have joined me for the last half of the show; that might have been one of the years after. I don’t remember. But I’m sure, either way, that I walked home with Rob that night.

Rob had been really wanting to go to Homecoming. I’m not sure why, he just likes Homecoming. So we went with B and his date (I don’t remember her name) and Rob’s old companion from his mission, Jeff W, and his fiancé sort of. I have blocked out their names as a means of self-preservation. I was not a fan of him. First, he was goofy looking. Second, he was engaged to this girl, but not really. He hadn’t officially proposed, but they both knew he was going to eventually. So she was his fiancé but not quite. This caused me to dislike him a lot and feel sorry for her for taking it. Obviously this was not the kind of guy that I would marry.

Anyways, the night started with all 6 of us at my apartment. Rob made dinner for us. Maybe all the guys did, I don’t remember. But I do remember that Rob tried to make us the closest version of quark that he could come up with, without having quark on-hand. I was not impressed with it. Nor with the description: “Like yogurt but thicker and it coats the inside of your mouth and teeth. You have to add a lot of sugar to it to make it good.” Well, why not just eat yogurt then? It wasn’t bad, though, and the meal was pleasant.

Rob seemed to really like my dress. I wore the army green dress with embroidered flowers all down the front. It’s very pretty but not actually my size, so I wear it with a string for a belt. It was also one of the first times that Rob had seen me all decked out in make-up, too. It was nice to see that Rob was enchanted with me. When I don’t dress up often, it’s nice to see it rewarded so nicely.

The dance we went to was in Spanish Fork, I think. We got to ride on a horse-drawn “carriage” as it was advertised. Really, it was a horse pulling a big wagon (like the kind that you put hay on for hayrides) and they went around a block or two.

Rob: They did only go around a block or two but it was not a hay ride. Girls were in formals so it was better than a hay ride wagon. It was a small carriage. I thought it was kind of fun.

It was lame and we waited in line way too long for something so lame. But it was fun to be at the dance with my fiancé and watch him burn up the dance floor. Rob is good. B was a little jealous, I think, of Rob stealing the show. It’s not that Rob means to do it, his personality just tends to take over things. I enjoyed all Rob’s spunky craziness. And I loved wearing my ring, which we had finally gotten back from the jewelers that day.

written Spring 2006

October 16, 2000 – Purchased the Rings

October 16, 2000 – Purchased the Rings

Homecoming was the coming-up weekend and Rob and I were going. So the weekend was out for picking out rings. So we went to the mall on a Monday to get our wedding rings. My proposal had been so spur-of-the-moment that I didn’t have rings to present to Rob. Besides, can a girl pick out her own wedding ring to put on her finger? I wanted Rob to be with me as we made this decision. Because it was OUR decision and that’s how it should be (not my decision and not his, but ours).

After going to just about every jewelry store in the mall and realizing that most rings look the same, I finally figured out what I wanted. I didn’t want to have to go into debt for these rings. I’m sure Rob would have been okay with doing that, but I was not. Why start our marriage in debt over a piece of jewelry? And I also had never wanted a diamond. How cliché. So we decided on matching bands and found two that weren’t the same but close and they were beautiful. The ring I really wanted for me was the gold with the platinum one and to give Rob the three colors of gold one. The platinum ring was bold! But as it turns out, the tri-gold ring looked better on me and the bold look was great for Rob. The tri-gold ring on Rob made him look too femmy.

The only problem with my ring was that it was a man’s band. Size 10. Rob’s was almost perfectly sized, but mine needed some major adjusting. We were sent to a jeweler who makes his own jewelry. My ring was flat and I wanted it to stay flat because I liked the look of it and it matched Rob’s. But for him to size it down to a 7, he’d have to either take out one or two sections of the gold pieces and throw the pattern off or squeeze it down and round it. We decided to round it. Slightly disappointing for me, but again, the ring was just a ring.

The bummer about the whole re-sizing thing was that I didn’t have a ring for a week! No one believed me that I was engaged. I had been telling my friends for so long that I wanted to marry Rob that when I came to class and told them I was engaged to him, they just said, “Yeah, right.” No, really! Where’s your ring? I needed the ring. And there was the debate: Should Rob wear his ring? I wanted him to. If it’s just a symbol, wasn’t Rob now just as “taken” as he would be after we had the wedding day? And should I wear my ring? I wanted to. But we had a few people tell us that since it was a wedding band and not an engagement ring I shouldn’t wear it until the wedding day. I thought that was ridiculous. So we compromised. I wore my ring (when I got it back re-sized), and occasionally Rob would wear his ring, just because I asked.

written Spring 2006

October 15, 2000 – We’re Engaged!

October 15, 2000 – We’re Engaged!

Sunday was a long day. I remember in church talking to one of Rob’s FHE sisters, I don’t remember her name. But she asked if Rob and I were going to get married. I told her it was definitely headed that way. She was excited for me, though not as excited as I was for me!

Sunday night Rob was at my apartment just hanging out. He decided he wanted to leave early so that he could get to bed earlier than we’d been getting to bed. I think it was around 10:30 p.m. when he started to walk out of the apartment. I practically begged him to stay. Our usual routine was to be in my apartment until curfew (10 on weekdays and 11 on weeknights, if I remember right) and then out in the hallway until the building curfew (11 on weeknights and midnight on weekends). So we moved out into the hallway. I objected the whole time and he was telling me about how tired he was and that he had to work insanely early (he had to wake up at like 4:00 a.m.). He’d been falling asleep in his classes and not been performing up to par. He needed sleep. I told him I didn’t want him to go. By this time we were in the laundry room in the basement of Bowen Hall. He said, “You know I need to go.” I said, “I don’t want you to leave.” He said maybe someday he wouldn’t have to leave. I told him, “I don’t mean tonight. I don’t want you to go ever.” He kind of half-smiled and said, “Tamra T------, are you proposing to me?” I grabbed him by the collar and shook him a little as I almost shouted, “Yes. I want to marry you!”

Very romantic, huh? There were bras hanging up in the laundry room, something we still joke about. And my method of asking wasn’t exactly suave. But I knew what I wanted and so I asked my question.

Rob then closed his eyes while we were standing there. I said, “I’ve never proposed to anyone before. Is this a good sign?” He said, “Shh. I’m praying.” Oh. Oops. I was super nervous. I almost wanted to say, “No! Don’t pray! Just say yes!” But I didn’t. I knew I wanted this to be right, even if that meant losing Rob. I think it was the longest prayer he’s ever said, or at least it seemed that way to me. Finally he opened his eyes and said, “I’ll marry you if you’ll marry me.”

I was so happy! And then, after this moment of elation, suddenly reality set in. When? Where? What details? My goodness. It was a little bit of a let down to have to think about reality after riding in the clouds. But of course reality has to be taken care of. We didn’t decide much that night.

I went back into my apartment and said, “I’m engaged!” They were all so happy for me and immediately got down a calendar and told me which times would work for them and which wouldn’t. In the end, I scheduled a bad time for two of them, but whose wedding was this anyway? It was cute that they were so supportive. And then I called my parents. It was almost midnight by the time my phone call reached them. So they were asleep. I just figured something like an engagement shouldn’t wait until morning. Dad picked up the phone. I told him I was engaged! If you want someone to reacted excitedly, don’t pick my dad as that person. He said, “Great. Change your mind and call me back in the morning.”

written Spring 2006