September 22, 2000 – Movie with FHE Sisters and the First Kiss

September 22, 2000 – Movie with FHE Sisters and the First Kiss

Of course here I am still confused. Here’s this guy that I am hoping and praying likes me, but I’m not sure. We held hands at the German film, but then, the day after that, we held hands across campus after Rob’s BYU Men’s Chorus gig in the WILK and I remember it just feeling really weird. And of course I still have JH in the back of my mind. Should I tell him about this Rob guy? But what do I tell him? Right this second he’s not my boyfriend or fiancé and maybe three weeks from now I won’t even be associating with him. I decide not to tell JH, but I’m feeling some strong feelings for Rob.

Friday night, the 22nd, we go to one of the FHE sister’s homes. It’s her parents’ house and we’re in the basement, like the 6 or 7 of us. It’s fun to be together and I’m holding Rob’s hand. There’s no question what claim I’m staking. I’m not trying to be subtle about it. And one of the FHE sisters, I don’t even remember her name, kept trying to flirt with Rob. She would tickle him and touch him, blah, blah, blah, and I wasn’t happy. I was jealous! I thought it very annoying that she was here trying to flirt with the guy I was claiming as mine! Plus she was one of those people that thought they were all that and you just wanted to punch half the time. I had figured out she had a thing for Rob and I was vaguely annoyed by that but I couldn’t imagine Rob going for someone like THAT. Incidentally, neither could Rob. She wasn’t a real threat.

That night we came home and Rob and I stood outside the back entrance to my building (my apartment was closest to that entrance, it was easier and not as many people went in that way. Not that it was private. People were always going by). We stood there for like 2 hours but to me it seemed like an eternity.

Okay, I’ll preface this night with a dream I had. A few days before this I had a dream that Rob kissed me. I kept not wanting to be kissed and not wanting to be kissed and then he kissed me and I loved it.

So we’re standing there and I know what Rob wants. I kept backing up as much as I could without looking TOO uncomfortable. I figured I was as backed up as I could be without being rude. I wanted to just say good night and walk inside, but somehow I knew I just couldn’t. I knew that Rob wanted a kiss and I somehow knew I couldn’t get away that night without giving him one (or letting him take one, whichever). His FHE sisters walked by as we’re standing there talking and holding hands facing each other. They giggled. Rob gave me some ultra-lame line about how he had never kissed a girl with braces before and I almost laughed out loud. Here I am thinking, “Does that mean he’s never kissed a girl while she had braces on or while he had braces on?” and “Does he know how LAME that just sounded?” I felt so sorry for Rob. Well, sorry and amused at the same time. I could tell he liked me and wanted to kiss me and here he is, a newly returned missionary, and has NO IDEA what to do with girls. He’s nervous as all get out and here I am thinking, “That was the lamest thing I’ve ever heard.”

I let him kiss me. And after all the fighting I did, I loved it. Okay, I didn’t actually like how Rob kissed. Rob didn’t like the way I kissed, either. But I loved that it was him kissing me and me kissing him. I think I floated inside the building.

written Spring 2006