September 30, 2000 – Our First Kiss Again

September 30, 2000 – Our First Kiss Again

I sent Rob a few e-mails during the week because I missed him and didn’t quite feel like I could initiate contact. We were starting over, right? So I sent him a few e-mails and talked about his concert on Friday night. I had gone to a corn maze with my family and really wanted to see Rob but it was late. So I e-mailed him. I think I ended up hanging out in the parking lot Friday night the 29th until he showed up, just so I could see him. He replied to those e-mails and made me laugh cause he always makes me laugh.

Saturday Rob went on his blind date with the girl Aunt Lisa set him up with. They went to a haunted house and I remember Rob saying it was a lame haunted house. I don’t know how he felt about the girl. He didn’t fall instantly in love with her, and that’s all I was hoping for: no “and Tamra, by the way, I met this girl” talks.

Rob: She was cute. When I showed up I sat around the house for awhile because she was busy doing somebody’s hair. I remember she made the comment that all of the guys that she dated got married shortly after she went on a date with them. I guess she was right. Tamra should be grateful I went on a date with her.

I don’t know how it came about, but after Rob got back from the date we walked around campus, talking. I don’t know if we were holding hands or not, but we were talking. I remember walking all over campus and thinking how secure I felt walking next to someone like Rob. JH was far from a big man, and I had a friend who always told me that if someone jumped us, JH would run away. I had no doubts that Rob would protect me and I felt very safe. My friend, Jed, later described Rob as “a real man.”

We walked and took a look at some of the artwork on campus and then sat on the benches outside the Joseph Smith Memorial Building (I think). And I don’t know how this conversation went, but I remember Rob’s excitement and energy as he told me that now there seemed to be that foundation for our relationship that he was looking for. He didn’t describe it any more than that and I didn’t question it. But somehow, this time it felt a little better. And Rob kissed me again. We kissed a little on the bench, facing each other, and hugged a little. I remember someone walked by and said, “Get a room.” It almost made me laugh.

I walked away that night again on clouds. I remember feeling like okay, here we go. He’s now just “approved” our relationship.

Since that time Rob and I have talked about what happened that week that made it so different feeling from one Saturday to the next. We’ve identified a few things within ourselves. First, we both had other people in the back of our minds. I had JH hanging on back there. But between Tuesday and Saturday I basically decided to put him out of my mind and let whatever happened between Rob and I happen and not think about JH. I didn’t write him off or anything, but I consciously decided to let him go. And Rob at this point hadn’t spoken much of AO, but I knew there was another girl. And he decided also to give us a shot. Plus, he had his magical moment while sweeping the floors on Wednesday of that week, and that gave him a lot of the foundation he’d been looking for.

Rob: My moment sweeping the floors was fantastic. So, I had an early morning janitorial job. I cleaned up after art students from 5 am to 8 am every morning. On that Wednesday, I had the radio on as usual and I was just lost in my world of mops and brooms thinking about Tamra. As I was sweeping I was just filled with this love for her. I realized how comfortable I was around her. I could be myself around her. She laughed at me when I was trying to be funny. I came to the realization that it didn’t matter if anybody else disapproved of my relationship, I approved of it. I cared for Tamra and liked being with her. I could be Robert Thacker and she loved me for that. That made me happy.

written Spring 2006