September 23, 2000 – Hike to Upper Silver Lake

September 23, 2000 – Hike to Upper Silver Lake

I wanted to go to Upper Silver Lake, where Ruben died. I had wanted to go before the snow started in the mountains and I was running out of time. I realized that it had to be this weekend or not until spring. So I convinced Rob to go with me. Originally I had another person going with me, Cathy, one of my roommates, but decided I wanted to go with him alone. I felt I could trust him at this point, and besides I couldn’t kiss Rob with Cathy around.

Rob probably should have said he couldn’t go. He had a test on Monday, later on Saturday was the BYU game and I think he had something on Sunday as well. A busy weekend. But he’s a nice guy, like I said, so he took me (I remember now that he hesitated at first cause it was a bad weekend, so I pulled out that my brother had drowned up there to make him feel bad and take me. I had wanted to wait until we got to the top to tell him, but I really wanted him to come and share that moment with me). I was a weekend too late and it had already started snowing. His poor ’89 LaBaron had a hard time getting up there. You don’t have to off-road it to get up there, but close. The car made it and we made the hike. We stopped every now and then to kiss and cuddle and that was fun. We had the trail to ourselves. We got to the top and I don’t think I told him too many details cause I didn’t know him well yet. He gave me space to think and cry and held me when I wanted it.

We hiked back down and I remember Rob started singing “Anything can happen in the woods. May I kiss you? …” I was FREAKED out. We laugh about this now. But here I am, this young, helpless, little girl compared to Rob and I’ve trusted him enough to bring him up here alone where he could do anything to me that he wants to and he starts singing a creepy song?

Rob: So I didn’t really think about this being creepy. It is a song from the musical Into the Woods that I was a part of in High School. I was trying to be funny. Obviously, it didn’t work.

We got back in to Provo and went to the BYU football game together where we’re cuddling and holding hands and all that. B looked a little confused and not approving. I thought he looked a little jealous that his brother had someone to be with other than him.

Rob: Really, B’s look was because my last conversation with him was one of the days I didn’t really like Tamra. I think I had decided to not date her anymore or something. His look was one of shock and confusion. Looking back on it, it was a difficult day because I liked Tamra, yet some of those feelings of insecurity came back once I was with her in public. It might have had something to do with her dressing like a boy once again and the fact that Tamra was a little different. I struggled with wondering what other people were thinking of me, being with her. I know it sounds dumb but it was true. I believe this is one of the reasons I dated Rachel B in High School. It was a preparation for some of the things I needed personally to overcome.

written Spring 2006