September 26, 2000 – Let’s Start Over Talk

September 26, 2000 – Let’s Start Over Talk

So we’ve had our we should date other people talk and I thought that was the end of it. We’re on our way to devotional together, holding hands, when Rob says we need to talk. I’m thinking, okay, didn’t we just talk? But I’m wanting to talk, too, cause Saturday was just a weird day. Rob proceeds to tell me over the next hour that he isn’t sure how he feels about me and he wants to start over. This should mean no kissing, holding hands, etc. He just doesn’t feel like there’s a base for our relationship and wants to feel that there is before we go any further.

Rob: I admit this set back being mostly my insecurity with how I felt about Tamra. I needed to be comfortable with our relationship in public. I also needed to figure out if these other girls I have previously mentioned were really going to be a part of me. I was divided and didn’t feel that our relationship should continue until I had come to terms with a few things.

Well now I’m pretty mad. How many guys had I kissed in my lifetime to that point? Two. How many people, guys or girls, have I even let close to me? Not many more. So when he says that he kissed me but isn’t sure how he feels about me, I’m pretty bugged. Cause I had been in the past a really slow mover. I dated JH and EW both for quite a while before even thinking about kissing. I spent a lot of time thinking about liking them before dating them. And here’s this guy that full-speeded us into kissing only to tell me four days later that he isn’t sure how he feels about me. Yeah. I’m mad.

So off I go. I wander around campus. I go to the WILK and buy a BYU chocolate milk shake (they’re SO good) and probably one of their brownies as well (also SO good). I go and say mean things about Rob in my head and I write a poem to let off some steam. The poem is about the stupid men in my life, and the list now includes Rob.

And then I feel better (chocolate milk shakes will do that) and I feel that I should go apologize. I write Rob a note, then buy him a German-English Dictionary at the BYU Bookstore (it’s like $30) cause he had told me earlier than he wanted/needed one. It’s a nice one. I find him back at his apartment and present him with the note, the dictionary and the receipt in case he needs to return it, and an apology. I told him it was fine to go back and start over and he could now dictate the pace and that would be fine. I wouldn’t be initiating so many things. (Well, I probably didn’t say that much out loud to him, but that’s what I was thinking my new plan was.) Come to find out that he already bought himself a German-English Dictionary. I felt a little dumb. He didn’t buy the kind I gave him cause it was more expensive, but it was the kind he wanted. So I was happy about that. Besides, it was a peace-offering. I wasn’t about to take it back. He could if he wanted, but he needed to know the peace-offering had been given.

written Spring 2006